Obsession or
this burning
in my eyes,
waves passing
through axes of
my apathy,
atoms
bouncing off reality,
never there when
reached
for.
[This poem is supposed to be about love. Can you tell that love is the subject? Is it too confusing?]
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
First, I'll say that while I absolutely loved your imagery, I would not have known this was about love without the note at the ending. Also, I don't really think the note at the end is necessary because once the reader notices it, anything that they were relating the poem to disappears once the true meaning is revealed. One of the many great things about poetry is that it is often open to interpretation. While I understand how much you want your readers to think about your poem in the same way that you do, the reality is that what the author thought about when writing their poem usually matters very little. Right now, since it is not obvious that your poem is about love, it can be related to many things, but the note at the end kind of takes away from that.
While I generally like short poems, this poem seems a bit short for its own good. Right now it's fine if you want the meaning to be unclear, but if you want your readers to specifically relate this to love, you'll need to be more descriptive to provide clarity for your readers. This poem also ends rather abruptly. I would have liked to keep reading, but it just kind of.. stopped. I suggest making it just a tad longer, but I'm probably just being nit-picky.
Overall, I really loved this poem and the imagery was fabulous. I just wish it were a little longer. That is all I have to say as there isn't much to criticize (constructively!) in your poem. It was a lovely read!
Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Hi!
First of all I'd like to say that your use of imagery in this poem is amazing.
This is my favourite part by far. I love the image of love passing through your apathy so seamlessly. Beautiful.
One thing I would say though was I wouldn't have known the poem was about love without your message at the end. Maybe that's just me, and you should probably wait for some other people to give their opinions, but I didn't really get that feeling straight away. I wouldn't say it's confusing but I can see people making their own meanings to the poem and that's not a bad thing. Allowing people to make their own interpretations to your poem is a real strength.
Well done!