my mind
wanders to babylon
and back each night,
drinking in heat
through the soles
of my feet.
-
ephesian diana
could not have
been as cruel,
her hounds
would not have bit
so deep.
-
i crush a pillow
between my thighs,
but the round
of goose-down
is no match
for the curve
of your knee.
-
there is no arrow
or mislaid tonic
to blame for the eddies
of my thoughts,
my waves reaching
with desperate
foam fingers.
-
thwarted by tide and time,
i shove my hands
in my pockets,
incandescent
as they are
with thoughts of you.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
This poem is so dreamy and gives me a drunk kind of feeling. Has me in mind of the Persian poets of love, like Rumi and Hafez.
The structure of the piece is interesting, each stanza a pulse or a string of thoughts separated by a dash. Looking at the way the lines wave in and out so smoothly, like ocean waves or a steady lifeline, lends to the tone of the piece.
The line "my mind/wanders to babylon/and back each night" has such a dreamlike quality that sets the tone for the overall poem. "drinking in heat/through the soles/of my feet" is so specific and visual and resonates with the mention of "babylon" before it.
"i crush a pillow/between my thighs/but the round/of goose-down/is no match/for the curve/of your knee" is so brilliant and sensational and sensory and really conveys the homesickness this narrator has for this person, whoever they are.
"there is no arrow/or mislaid tonic/to blame for the eddies/of my thoughts/my waves reaching/with desperate/foam fingers/" - wow, so many ways to visualize and interpret this line. The foam fingers can be the styrofoam fingers or the foam of the sea (i imagine that's what you really meant), and the structure of the poem really complements the mention of the waves here. I don't know if you meant that, but if you did, it's brilliant. I love the line "the eddies of my thoughts" - just a great choice and combination of words. I love when people use interesting words in such unique ways.
And I love the final three lines, too, especially the word "incandescent" used to describe the hands, as if they have a mind and memories of their own.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing. You should definitely try to get this published. If you're interested, I can help you find a place for it.
-Dream
How do you not have a review yet? No fear, Kat is here!
Dear writer, I loved this poem. Though I am sure some of the meanings and references went over my head I was still able to feel the meaning behind this poem. For me it felt like a longing love with a hint of sadness but mostly desire. I appreciate the alliteration with back to Babylon. I just feel like, at least for readers like me, some of the information is lost here. I know you can't possibly appeal to all of your readers and a good allusion is the best literary device one can employ in this type of work. That would be the fault of the reader, not the writer. But it is still something to keep in mind, who do you want to appeal to or is the work for you and you alone to understand? Both are valid ways of writing as the best writing comes straight from the heart.A final point, your imagery and word choice were divine! Especially in the last stanza with the personification of tide and time and the way you used incandescent was incredibly original. My favorite part was probably the last two lines of the second to last stanza when you're beginning to solidify this comparison with the ocean that you sum up so nicely later.
Excellent work! Hope I helped.