Even while devoid of hope and full of despair.
You turn my insides to water with just a simple stare.
My world is nothing without the sight of you everyday.
And though we exchange no words, these feelings are here to stay.
I try to tell myself it is not true.
It can't be love, not so soon.
But that smile that seems so happy and free.
It reminds me of what my life used to be.
That carefree feeling that came with ease.
That would lift my spirits like the high seas.
I'd float so high into the sky
It made me feel like I could never die.
These days ended just too quick.
My stomach weighed down and I sunk like a brick
I never expected for the fall to be so great
I thought reality was better and I took the bait.
Hook, line and sinker I dived below
Down where nothing could dream to glow.
But out of this darkness, out of the night.
Emerged a glow, a white light
Three guesses who could do this to me,
Who could make me experience what it felt like to be free.
Who could turn my life upside down
Make me laugh and dance like a clown.
Your emotion and words have brought me back to life
Back to the place, still as sharp as a knife
I felt stronger, happier than ever before
My feelings for you were hard to ignore
I no longer feel that I am invisible.
You did this to me.
You made me Invincible
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Timmyjake to give you a review!!
For being your first poem here, I am amazed by what this is like! I am in the works of making a poem to publish here, also my first, and I have no idea how I will be able to make it compare with this... It is amazing!
I have a few nitpicks, but only a few... Here we go!
I think it would flow better and look better if you cut out the "that" that I put in bold for you.
Those two lines seem like they are jointed, two lines of one part... I think it would flow better if you took out the It and replaced the reminds with reminding
I think Making instead of Make
That is all of my nitpicking for this piece! It was wonderfully written! You should write more soon.
~Timmyjake
Thank you so much I totally agree with you on all the points.
Glad you liked it.
You're welcome! Write more soon!
Hey Geekgirl,
For your first poem I am extremely impressed! You wrote this with such great choice of words and I love romantic poems. I think love is so powerful and you showed in such a beautiful way. The rhyming is fantastic and kept me hooked.
My favorite lines n this poem are "I'd float so high into the sky, it made me feel like I could never die"
The only thing I question in this poem is rhyming "true" with "soon". Don't be afraid to drop a few lines, bigger isn't always better.
You have some really good metaphors and imagery in this poem as well!
You are a wonderful poet and I hope you keep writing.
Have a great New Year
-Leah
If you were talking about the formatting then I agree. But this site always glitches the formatting of my poems. Thank you so much for the compliment. I hope the new year brings you great things as well!
I like your poem very much, as it expresses your feelings in a very clear and honest way,and I do feel like you put a lot of effort into this poem, I like the rhythm, as we as the idea behind this piece, however I do have few things to point out:
in line 3 "My world is nothing without the sight of you everyday."felt a little bit "cheesy" for me, I think it would sound a bit better if you wrote "Without seeing you everyday I have lost sight of my world" (that is only a suggestion) and a few grammar errors here and there that I do not really need to point out, (I make loads of them myself). Overall it is a good piece. Keep writing. I thank you for sharing
I understand the cheesiness of that line. Honestly I didn't notice until you pointed it out. Now that I have read it again I agree completely. Thank you for the review!
Hey geek girl, let us geeks unit! Anyways, on with the business. Ravenboy (Rx) here for a review this fine day....let's goooooooooo
Hm, you've written a very realistic piece here that conveyed your feelings very well. You've used some devices of imagery in some places, such as similes and metaphors. I love the rhyme pattern in this poem, is always makes it so much easier to read.
I'm not one to pick out grammar mistakes, and besides I don't think there's any besides some misused form of verbs. So I will get onto the content.
Is a very beautiful poem, frank, not be showy not be blunt. So the right degree, there were some places where the rhythm felt out of place with long sentences followed by short sentences.
'Who could make me experience what it felt like to be free.
Who could turn my life upside down'
But it doesn't effect the poem much, every one has their own styles.
All in all, this is a wonderful poem. Keep up the good work!
-Rx
Geeks will rise! Thank you for the review, it means a lot to me.
BEAUTIFUL! I just love this!
It flows very well. There's just one little thing that I would change. In the fourteenth line, it says, "My stomach weighed down and I sunk like a brick." That's not exactly proper English. It would sound better to say, "I sank like a brick." Sound better to you? Other than that, I love it! 
Thank you so much!
You're Welcome!
Happy New Year, hun!