How often have I wondered what I was doing? There are many a day that I spend in a daze, a trance of sorts, where I am there wherever. My mind taken back and my body is doing all the work. I find that the routines I am forced to rigor through have left a deep gouge in my being and allow me to go through the motions without hesitation. My body may have adapted, but my mind is longing for something far greater. I am restless in my trance. I am burdened with the struggle of thought, through the motions. I am consumed by the desire to break free. One question haunts me. Why?
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139,539 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
I was surprised to find a paragraph in the poetry section; moreover, I am wondering if literary works written in this format are considered poetry. Either way, as the reader, I can relate to the emotion being described here. I do feel as though these thoughts could be more drawn out through the use of a different format such as:
This could be formatted:
There are many a day that I spend in a daze
A trance of sorts -
Where I am there wherever -
My mind taken back,
And my body is doing all the work.
Formatting it this was could help the reader better understand your overall purpose for writing this as well as better understand their inner thoughts in relation to the emotions conveyed here. It was interesting to read overall, I must say.
Hello there FuzzJohnson, The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work =)
Let me just start with the grammar, that way we could get that over and done with. Who likes grammar anyways? =P
I didn't find much wrong in the grammar side of things but I do suggest that you make this line either in to, two sentences, or separate with a comma. You said -
"I find that the routines I am forced to rigor through have left a deep gouge in my being and allow me to go through the motions without hesitation."
The sentence itself was a little long and I had to reread it twice just to get what you were saying. I think how long the sentence was just through off the piece. Other than that I couldn't find anything wrong with it grammar wise.
If you were to separate it with a comma though I suggest you separate it like this 'in my being, and allow me"
On to the poem itself - I have to say that this poem was a little unusual but no less a poem. I liked it, your work was different in a good way! It sounded like you were really confused and you wrote the poem very well! It was very unique <3 Good job with it!
Keep writing and feel free to tag me if you post anything new!
~Selina
I guess you are pretty much confused. Honestly i didn't find anything unusual. You are just a regular normal guy pretty consumed in your own world struggling with some issues. Get a good life else make your life interesting. Go out travel the world make new friends and be sporty. Life is a maths. Solve it else get stuck in your sums. Dude get a life. I am also a confused fellow so can understand but the world doesnot.
Be yourself.