Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Art » General

E - Everyone

Palace of Being

by fuzzjohnson


Chaos is not my friend. I do not wish to see destruction. I have no reason to yell and scream. I do not want a tantrum to be my only scene. Fear leads me to unspeakable means. In the end it is not these things that will be seen. Four walls surround me. It's a palace till the end. Roaches can't penetrate, and will never get in. My mind is more clear now than its ever been. Smoke surrounds, but I won't breath it in. My precious gems come deep from within. I share my soul, but only with my friends. Over time, I've come to see that we may never meet again. I hope you know that my sharing with you has purpose. Remembrance is all I know. My Friend. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
485 Reviews


Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Donate
Sun Apr 10, 2016 8:57 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



I was kind of confused to be honest at the very beginning but it started pulling me in to read it till the end.The way you write and express your thought is very interesting.I thought that it will be depressing because the part of being surrounded by only four walls.Sharing your sould only with your friend is a very interesting add to this short story.I am not sure if I should call it short story or something else...Anyways,even if it was confusing at first It was a good read!




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 512
Reviews: 11

Donate
Sun Dec 13, 2015 2:50 am
nycto wrote a review...



Hey Fuzz, I'm Nycto.

This was an interesting read. I like how you presented this, it wasn't something dead-ended, and anyone could interpret it-- if you were aiming at that, good job!

I interpreted it as an individual caught between a bad environment, and they believe that they should stay true to themselves, hence the "my precious gems come deep from within." Then they only share it with his friends; which chaos isn't, so their friends are harmony(?).

---
Over time, I've come to see that we may never meet again. I hope you know that my sharing with you has purpose. Remembrance is all I know. My Friend.
---

This part was really interesting. They share their soul only with their friends, yet they know that their friend is someone/something that they'll never meet again. I think of it as a lesson; and every encounter is a lesson. For all the individual know is "remembrance."

Overall, it was an interesting piece. I really wanted to review it, yet it seems like all that was just jumbled mumbles ahaha. Nice piece, keep on writting.




fuzzjohnson says...


Well thank you for any sort of response. And you review is not jumbled or mumbled. I feel like you did exactly what was needed and asked a question about my writing.
I can say that you are just about spot on with your analysis. The idea is really that this world can be very crazy and it takes patience and effort to both avoid that chaos and find peace. My the gems I speak of only represent what I have to offer to someone else. Sharing these offering is special and only those (my friends) should receive them. And yes it is a lesson that you interpreted. Sometimes you find yourself sharing with those who are not friends and you learn that those are the kinds that will take what you have away and leave nothing. The lesson is find friends who will not take from you, but enjoy what you have to offer and create a harmony in life.



User avatar
750 Reviews


Points: 11808
Reviews: 750

Donate
Sat Dec 12, 2015 1:06 am
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there fuzzjohnson. Just lizzy stopping by for a quick review. I saw the title and thought I should check it out.

At first, let me admit, I was a bit confused by your style of writing. In some places this is written as a short story and in other places it sounds like a poem. It can go either way but it would be easier to read if you decide on one. Overall I liked the ideas you presented and it certainly provided an interesting mood. I have read a few poems and stories like yours but I did not find this one as depressing. I think it may be that there is a slight feeling of hope. That one little piece of hope sort knocks all of the depressing content out of the way. I did not see any grammar or spelling errors so great job on proofreading. I know from experience that these points can be turn offs.

Great job.
-lizzy




fuzzjohnson says...


Of course there is hope lizzy not all people continue to be bad. Not everyone takes forever. And of course friends are there to keep the good vibes rolling. Life is good. Caution is required, but there are still many beautiful discoveries to be made.



CaptainJack says...


I wrote this review months ago and since then my style of reviewing has changed. Would you like to me redo it with a better version? I have been meaning to get around to redoing all of my old reviews. This one is somewhere on the list but I can move it up a little farther.
Sorry if my old review offered little to no help.
-lizzy



CaptainJack says...


I wrote this review months ago and since then my style of reviewing has changed. Would you like to me redo it with a better version? I have been meaning to get around to redoing all of my old reviews. This one is somewhere on the list but I can move it up a little farther.
Sorry if my old review offered little to no help.
-lizzy



fuzzjohnson says...


Ahh no worries! As you can see, it took months for me to get back you on this one anyways. If you'd like to review it again I'd love your advice.
John



User avatar
383 Reviews


Points: 19607
Reviews: 383

Donate
Thu Dec 10, 2015 12:36 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



I'm not sure how to judge this as it seems more...oblique about its purpose than usual, so I'll try my best to judge it as fairly as possible.

From what I can tell, it's a mix of a poem and a short story and several other things, perhaps a description of a mental state, an achievement, perhaps. Which makes it peculiar and wonderful as well.

Firstly, the compliments:

I do like the idea, whatever it was striving for. I interpret it as someone finally grasping full control over mind and body, finally becoming one with the universe, a composed being. Which is always great. It feels like it, as well--the atmosphere is strangely serene, yet lonely in some parts, as well.

And then, the assault (???):

...I don't know, "My precious gems come deep from within" sounds vaguely amateurish, maybe? I mean, really. As good as it was, precious gems from "within" does come off as less grand as the rest of the thing, so it stuck out to me.
Though, overall, I'm somewhat hesitant to criticize and give advice, because it strikes me as something else of it's breed. Something strange. Which is nice to see every once and awhile, being stymied is always a pleasure, but you make it seem there was a meaning to be seen that failed to get out. I don't know, maybe it was just me, so it really doesn't matter.

In conclusion?

I guess I like it. It has atmosphere, sets a mood. Would make a good painting, now that I think about it. Good job on that one.




fuzzjohnson says...


It would be correct to say that my line about gems was and is a bit amateur. You did seem to notice more from the piece that made that line stand out as sort of a childish thought. I remember writing this and I did leave that line on purpose. Honestly, I thought for awhile about whether or not to change it. I settled on the idea if innocence and that helped me leave it. Knowing I may endure a bit of criticism for being cheesy I figure its better to settle with your gut than to change something you feel good about just because you don't want to be criticized for it. Maybe one day I can rewrite that line to better fit the piece and see how it changes.




Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced.
— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness