Young Writers Society

I was kind of confused to be honest at the very beginning but it started pulling me in to read it till the end.The way you write and express your thought is very interesting.I thought that it will be depressing because the part of being surrounded by only four walls.Sharing your sould only with your friend is a very interesting add to this short story.I am not sure if I should call it short story or something else...Anyways,even if it was confusing at first It was a good read!

Hey Fuzz, I'm Nycto.

This was an interesting read. I like how you presented this, it wasn't something dead-ended, and anyone could interpret it-- if you were aiming at that, good job!

I interpreted it as an individual caught between a bad environment, and they believe that they should stay true to themselves, hence the "my precious gems come deep from within." Then they only share it with his friends; which chaos isn't, so their friends are harmony(?).

---
Over time, I've come to see that we may never meet again. I hope you know that my sharing with you has purpose. Remembrance is all I know. My Friend.
---

This part was really interesting. They share their soul only with their friends, yet they know that their friend is someone/something that they'll never meet again. I think of it as a lesson; and every encounter is a lesson. For all the individual know is "remembrance."

Overall, it was an interesting piece. I really wanted to review it, yet it seems like all that was just jumbled mumbles ahaha. Nice piece, keep on writting.

Hey there fuzzjohnson. Just lizzy stopping by for a quick review. I saw the title and thought I should check it out.

At first, let me admit, I was a bit confused by your style of writing. In some places this is written as a short story and in other places it sounds like a poem. It can go either way but it would be easier to read if you decide on one. Overall I liked the ideas you presented and it certainly provided an interesting mood. I have read a few poems and stories like yours but I did not find this one as depressing. I think it may be that there is a slight feeling of hope. That one little piece of hope sort knocks all of the depressing content out of the way. I did not see any grammar or spelling errors so great job on proofreading. I know from experience that these points can be turn offs.

Great job.
-lizzy

I'm not sure how to judge this as it seems more...oblique about its purpose than usual, so I'll try my best to judge it as fairly as possible.

From what I can tell, it's a mix of a poem and a short story and several other things, perhaps a description of a mental state, an achievement, perhaps. Which makes it peculiar and wonderful as well.

Firstly, the compliments:

I do like the idea, whatever it was striving for. I interpret it as someone finally grasping full control over mind and body, finally becoming one with the universe, a composed being. Which is always great. It feels like it, as well--the atmosphere is strangely serene, yet lonely in some parts, as well.

And then, the assault (???):

...I don't know, "My precious gems come deep from within" sounds vaguely amateurish, maybe? I mean, really. As good as it was, precious gems from "within" does come off as less grand as the rest of the thing, so it stuck out to me.
Though, overall, I'm somewhat hesitant to criticize and give advice, because it strikes me as something else of it's breed. Something strange. Which is nice to see every once and awhile, being stymied is always a pleasure, but you make it seem there was a meaning to be seen that failed to get out. I don't know, maybe it was just me, so it really doesn't matter.

In conclusion?

I guess I like it. It has atmosphere, sets a mood. Would make a good painting, now that I think about it. Good job on that one.