Their were no mishaps that I could detect. Al in all, I loved every letter of this. No bluff. I found myself drawn to the screen with every entry. Though it was short,that is what added to the suspense. I loved the romance and the sudden happenings. Very Very good job. And I think this would be a good published book. I would read it.

Hiya!

Historical Details: I think the historical details in here could be presented by the character in a better way. Arranged marriages were generally not discussed with the children involved, and I'm a bit surprised that your MC was surprised at that fact.

Try getting into the head of your MC a bit more and think how she'd think. This girl has probably been conditioned her whole life to follow certain customs, and it would take a big event to shake that programming, or a general distaste with her life. Since I don't see much of a mention to that, I remain a bit surprised with her reactions to everything.

When you refer to the Roman Empire as the Eastern Roman Empire, I'm not sure how accurate that is. First off, Rome was actually in the Central or Western part of the empire. Second, I'm not sure if it would have been divided up into Eastern, Central and Western. I do think it would have been divided into provinces. ^_^

As for the names, I do believe those are all Greek names. Now, I'm pretty sure there'd be some Greek names even at this late date in Rome, but I don't know if they'd be Greek gods. Put in some Roman/Latin names to make this more accurate.

Writing style: The diary style here, although it is good to show events through a single person, can be flat in some places. Like when she's talking about her friends and siblings, there could be some thoughts added in on the people. Whenever you introduce a new character, there should be some thoughts on them. This is her diary after all. ^_^

The short diary entries also left me wanting to know what happened. You never mentioned Leo flirting with Victoria, just the aftermath. There wasn't anything about her being a "lover of literature" that I could see. Why would she call herself that? From what I know, most Romans were illiterate. Although you could glaze over that fact since your girl MC is writing a diary.

Hope this helps! And if you have any questions, PM me.

~Rosey

This was very interesting. I did not find any mistakes so good job there but, it lacked emotion and depth. You need to let us feel as if we l=know your character. Describe her in detail. What she likes to do, you only told us that she is a lover of literature. Describing things will keep your reader entertained. Good job though!

This started out as a school project for my history class when we were learning about the Greeks and Romans. I was really bored one day, this was when I had just started writing, and I lengthened it and submitted it in a writing competition where it won first place at county and state.