Yesterday was cracked
Her heart is tipsy
And her mind is packed
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy”
Her life is it's fact
Slippin' low
“Hey, look here, ho!”
Too skinny from
The sticky smoke
But he's an old bloke
Looking to cheat
On his faithful wife
But he's messing
With her son's precious life
Giving meat to his bones
Every time he pays
Her to sin
And on those days
She teaches her well-fed son
Why one can't steal
He breathes in
He believes in
Strange men lies
And he relies
On the strange man
Man relies on Mamma
And Mamma relies on the can
Teaching her son
How to be a man.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hellooo its Tiny here!
I've pointed out all my favorite parts because I think the others have agreed that this poem is utterly perfect.
Yesterday was cracked
----Her heart is tipsy----
And her mind is packed
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy”
Her life is it's fact
Slippin' low
“Hey, look here, ho!”
Too skinny from
The sticky smoke
----But he's an old bloke
Looking to cheat
On his faithful wife---- (really shows what kind of a man this person is)
But he's messing
With her son's precious life
----Giving meat to his bones
Every time he pays----
Her to sin
And on those days
She teaches her well-fed son
Why one can't steal
----He breathes in
He believes in---- (I just can't put down how much this works for the poem)
Strange men lies
And he relies
On the strange man
----Man relies on Mamma
And Mamma relies on the can
Teaching her son
How to be a man.----(just sums up the poem beautifully)
Stay classy
THANKS!!!!! Much Appreciated!!!
Hey there, here to review.
I'd like to say that I'm not a fan of prostitute poems, but this is actually very well done. It wasn't too long, which is good, and to the point. I loved the rhyming you did and the structure of the poem. I think what makes this poem truly good is the end:
This ending is what makes the whole poem really worth it, and I love it.
I actually didn't see any actual errors, but the poem is confusing in some parts.
This verse in particaular was a bit confusing, and I didn't understand the meaning of it.
Apart from that there is also the title, which I find is a little bit too straightforward, but that, of course, is only my opinion, and it is your writing style we're talking about, so your choice.
But congratulations and keep writing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your poems (hopefully not about prostitutes
-Alfonso
This was over all very interesting. But I didn't see many full stops? I don't know much about poetry but I'm pretty sure it kinda needs those. But I'm not much of a poetry person so take this how ever you feel like I guess. I know that the title said that she was ugly but you never really got an idea of what the prostitute looked like at all. I really enjoyed the ending lines, I really did, honest to god. Keep up the god work besides those little, whiny details. :]
This is an interesting piece. I like how you can point at that she's a prostitute without full out saying it in the poem. You seem good with words. Nice job