gaunt

Ooh..I loved this poem.The way you wrote it made it look like the person was slowly descending into insanity.I also loved the way you described it.I feel like the narrator sees the weak person as someone who is sucking the life out of someone,a burden to be around.Now,I want to go hear this from the bloody person’s perspective,the one the narrator seems to love and hate at the same time.I hope you have a good and wonderful day and night.

Your rotting heart. No more love. No more I miss you. Strike it out. Show them you hate it. No h’s. No more I like you. Show them you hate it because I know you do. Draw them to quarters and steal their heads. Slit their necks and ring them clean. I know you hate them. Cut their toes and stretch their arms. Pull out their hair and chew their tongue. I know you hate them. I know why you do. So sit back in your hole filled with little dolls. So hurt and pain and bleed in vain. Die in your blood. And die drowning in your dirty mud. Because I hate and I hate you.

Haha! Beautiful! You’ve got my creative juices flowing this was so good, Fructose! I love it! Yes, I do! I love writing horror! I play a little game with my brother and cousin called Monsters in the Rain. And my one line is. Let your head go limp and may you die looking into the eyes of a familiar face.

I’d be lying if I didn’t think it was great. The poem and imagery. Something I would never have thought of. This poem gives me so many ideas! I can see it unfold in front of me. Please. Please post new works soon.

Good wishes,
Frances

Not a review but I liked the interesting poetic texture here! The images combined with the formatting like strikethroughs and the font changes in the middle of the words gave this work a gritty feel. I like that the images are unified without becoming too repetitive - there's imagery of objects (glass, stone) but also of flesh (grey heart, etc.) but they're all attached to the body of the 'you' in this poem. Neat work

I really liked it, I'm not a critic but as a reader I really liked it.

Hey hey, Dashia here for a review. Let’s Start right away,

So first of I really like the style of how you presented Some parts of your poem, it makes the “important” lines really stand out and Is a fun and somehow artsy add-on.

Apart from that I really liked how you reflected the mixed feelings and struggle in this piece.

Although there is a line that confuses me a bit.
“i miss your bloody nostrils ”
I personnaly think it’s Weird to miss someone their nostrils, but that’s just my opinion.

Overall I think you Made a pretty good peom, with a little dark twist. Well done!
With that being Said we habe reached the end of the review,

Keep on writing and stay safe!
-Dashia

You captured a lot of the conflicting emotions maybe between you and the person

I don't have a whole lot of specific feedback, but one of my favorite sections was "I come my hair and dance of your tomb and I'll flip you a dime to replace my shitting rotting heart ." I really like the slant rhyme, as well as the enjambment, as it sort of draws the lines together. I also like the imagery. Growing up is a struggle sometimes and teenagerhood is full of mood swings and ups and downs. I also liked how you ended It leaves the reader thinking and also shows the uncertainty whether you liked the person or not

One suggestion would be break this up into multiple stanzas. You totally don't have to do this if you don't want to, but personally, it makes it easier to read and often helps it flow a little better. You could also look into making the rhyming pattern a little more consistent. You have a few great rhymes throughout, but adding more could help it flow well.

Overall, I really liked this poem . Have a nice day

This poem, I don't know maybe it's about missing someone you didn't like but somehow grew fond of the person