Soulless [Chapter Two, Part 2]

Sure enough, it was there, right between a two day old Whopper and wilted Wendy’s salad. I put it in the microwave and punched in some time.

What is "it". Later you call it chinese food, but a bit more distinction would be nice. We also need to know what it is right away.

I chuckled. “Our eyes are the exact same color. That’s freaky.”

I'm not sure why, but chuckled just doesn't feel right. It's a hardy word, if you get what I mean, and it makes this whole dialogue seem like she's perfectly happy and content. She shouldn't be since she's going to be punished soon. Maybe "I laughed" would be better.
Also, the eye thing is a little random. Nothing really provoked it, and it felt like an odd thing to say.

I let out a surprised sound. “Seriously?”

What is a surprised sound exactly? If you can't describe the sound, it's best not to use it. Personally, though, I think this would fair fine if you only kept "seriously?". Just that does it well enough in my opinion.

“You have me,” I whined.

Using "whined" makes this serious dialogue about her mother being replaced sound like she's just a little kid not getting her way. It devalues it. Maybe change it to "cried" or something.

“I’m only thirty-six, Ronnie, I suck at golf, and I hate fish.”

Dang. He and his wife had Ronnie pretty young, didn't they?

“I’m sorry, do you hear that? I think I hear a crying plea for help. Maybe an old lady is in need of assistance and would like me to help her cross the street,” I said sarcastically, making my escape.

This dialogue is obviously sarcastic, so you don't need to tell us it's sarcastic. Only do so when it's possible we'd think you were serious.

“Actually, no. This would be our first time. But, in theory, it doesn’t exactly matter, since your dad has told me so, so much about you,” she rambled.
“Pardon?” I asked.
“Oh! Excuse me for rambling.”

If you're going to have her verbally apologize for rambling, then don't put "she rambled" at the end of the first dialogue. Even if it's "she said", it's better since otherwise it makes it a little more obvious that this is a work of fiction. I can't exactly explain how this effect happens, but if you think about it you may be able to get my meaning. Maybe it's the repetativeness of the word "rambling". Maybe not.

“I mean, your father could tell me all the stories in the world, and it would never compare to this moment. We’ve been planning this meeting for so long – of course, we never expected it to be so spontaneous – but–”

I thinks she's making an unrealistically big deal over the meeting. It's actually annoyingly hard to believe. Tone her down a bit. Keep her personality and eagerness, but just tone it down some (only for this part, though. She stands out well in my mind with the rest of her bubbly antics).

“Anyways, Poppa Bear,” Rae said, and I fought the urge to puke at her creepy pet name

Man, that is creepy!

“Since you sold my brother that fancy motorcycle, he had to get rid of his Jeep.

You are doing a great job here. I'm really feeling these things with Ronnie. I was simply pissed when I heard this.

Great, great job! I think one of your greatest strengths is presenting characters that stand out in the reader's mind. They each have their own personalities, and I doubt I could get two mixed up if I tried (not that I would, for that would be completely pointless and a waste of a Saturday night). Well, keep up the good work and keep the PMs rolling in.

Here I am once again! Haha... this is a really good story...
You've got me hooked. (Glares) How dare you...

“Stupid dinosaur,” I grumbled to the microwave.

Haha. This made me giggle.

He blew his light mood out in a sigh. “I was thinking about it, and…I guess not.”

I let out a surprised sound. “Seriously?”

Haha! Ahh, I'd so get grounded...
Veronica's dad is awesome. I would add here about Veronica's hope that her dad's just not messing about.

“Veronica,” he snarled back.

I'd use "growled" instead of "snarled".

I fought the urge to puke at her creepy pet name,

Gag sounds better.


Haha, this was a good chapter!
Can't wait to read more! Make sure you tell me when there is more.
-Basket-