hello! welcome to yws btw!
okay so i already commented, but i figured i'd leave a review because WOW this poem hit me really hard. i think it's gonna stick with me for a while.
i press my fingers into peony petals
feeling their density, cold, even in summer
this is such a strong image to start on and i absolutely love it! the language is so striking to me, esp with the "feeling their density" part. i'm gonna be real, i have no clue what that means. yknow, that's what poetry is about though. you have the creative liberties to write literally whatever you want! i think your ability to concisely tie together all of this "miscellaneous" imagery is amazing!
i was looking into peony symbolization when i first read this, but nothing came up. i think it could've been really neat if you played around with that!
you feel like the sun, you feel like warm water in kiddie pools
& grass on bare feet, messy,
muddy, just like the color of your eyes
oh my goodness i love these lines
i wish there was more about the eyes though. honestly, i could say that about the whole idea of the other person in this poem. there are some kind of romantic undertones i get from the second stanza, but nothing is concrete enough to say for sure. i would love to get a clearer view of who the narrator is, yknow? nostalgia and growing up are big themes, but i can't see much working off of them. each image is connected, yet too distant to pull together a bigger picture.
i find it second nature like bike riding
until you fall for the first time
i really like the idea behind this! i like how it ties in to the 4th stanza a lot, and it even foreshadows what happens in it. i just wish the description was a little different? "until you fall for the first time" doesn't pack the same punch as most of your imagery in the previous lines. i don't mind it at all though! i just think it's not the best example of your poetic voice being used.
bike riding could also be a metaphor for something else. i'd assume growing up? learning how to ride a bike is a huge milestone, so it would make sense. it truly IS one of those things considered "second nature" to people for that reason. the whole poem is a great reflection on that, but it's especially clear in that line! summer is a time for putting the past behind us anyway.
i think about how everything is so beautiful
again, really stunning line! i love how it contrasts with the gritty image of "gravel in my palms" and how the narrator's mother "kissed their bleeding hands." i think that's great juxtaposition with the previous stanzas!
i wake up every morning like i've just been reborn
okay okay okay THIS LINE
this is the line that really made this poem stick out to me. it's a basic idea in all honesty, but there's something about the execution that makes it special to me. it just hits different, yknow? i think it concludes your poem perfectly and i can't imagine another ending for this. it's gorgeous!
overall, this has to be one of my favourite poems i've read on here in a long time. i can't wait to read more poetry from you!
best,
weathervane
Points: 200
Reviews: 226
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