Young Writers Society

Hiya! Ley here to review.<3

First impressions... I'm a sucker for short poetry, so when I saw this one I had to jump on it! There's something about the simple ones, ya'know?
Another first impression I had was that the narrator is missing someone-- or about to lose someone *which is an amazing poetry trope*

When I was reading this I felt... Sad, longing to be touched, understood. I'm assuming I felt these things because the theme of this poem seems to remind me some what of a love letter. I love how the words draw me out and sent me to the place that the narrator wants me to go-- which is the sign of a great poetry writer. Not many people can do this!

My favorite line/quote is... I chose these lines because it resonated with me, personally, and my relationship with my mom:

who else is going to
put their hand on my forehead
to keep the good thoughts in

This was an amazing end to the poem, and it made me think of my mom right away. We all have that one person, who without, we feel like the world will crumble. :'(

Some things I would change would be...I wouldn't change anything about this poem, except for the fact I wish it was maybe a stanza longer? Like I said earlier, I love short, simple poems, but this one I feel could've been drawn out a little more-- I want to know more about the narrator and to whom their writing this. Or, maybe, your intention was to keep it mysterious-- in that case, ignore me

Overall... I love the writing in this poem, the story, and the emotions you made me feel with the word choices. The format made it seem even more personal! Happy writing, and I can't wait to read more of your work!

With Love,
Leya

Hello, @envy! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to tell you a review/comment about your work. I also have been reading your poems/stories and I found them very calming yet sad lol. A little detail that I liked about them is how the words are stuck together, it kind of reminds me of the song "idontwannabeyouanymore". Anyways, to the review!

maybe i have been
mourning you since the day we met
weening off in small increments,
swapping dna & withholding
small traces of love to give

This stanza in my head is like the narrator of this poem is pining for the person they have been friends with or a person that they have been seeing. the narrator might be going through a situationship. And I live for it, it is so dramatic!

everyone you ever know
becomes a part of you somehow
its strange to miss you when
you sit here touching elbows with me,
souls sometimes when applicable

May I know what type of poem you are writing? Because I don't feel a rhyme to the words and phrases in this stanza. The longing emotion is well seen in this stanza. But I spotted a grammatical error here. The word "its" is supposed to be "it's" because "its" is a word that is possessive and referring to someone or something owning one thing and "it's" is a shorter version of the words "it is".

who else is going to
put their hand on my forehead
to the keep the good thoughts in

This is a good stanza but it feel cut short. A suggestion is that you could add an ending that tells more about the things that the narrator misses the person they are talking about, that makes them special to the narrator. Example could be the way they smelled or the way used to talk.

Overall, this poem is great. Keep it up! You just need to polish it a littler more^^ Once again, this is loveissourgrapes. Happy day and happy writing!