Once there were these four foods...
they were all great friends
Karl Kale was one of those dudes,
Ginny Grapefruit loved eating fruit
Emil Eggplant was pulled from his roots,
Kayden Kiwi was always in a mood.
They all found out they loved music,
and decided show everyone what it could do,
They decided to share it to the public
they made all kind of shows...
except when Emil caught the flu.
They put their music onto Youtube
and they learned how to dance.
They got 15 thousand followers,
and went to Paris, France.
But after they bought the camel made of flannel.
~~~~
Flames burning
people screaming
gigantic gummy monsters sucking up people with a-sluuuuuuuuuuuurp!-
there is no hope...
but the anti-candy patrol comes, fighting off those monsters with
giant blue toothbrushes and protein shakes.
Peace at last!
... or is it?!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi there!
This is a delightful and entertaining poem that is both funny and fascinating. The characters, Karl Kale, Ginny Grapefruit, Emil Eggplant, and Kayden Kiwi, are all quirky and unique, making them relatable and endearing to the reader.
Your use of rhyming and poetic language adds a whimsical touch to the story, making it an enjoyable read for all ages. The humorous tone of the story is especially prevalent in the unexpected twist towards the end of the story, where the anti-candy patrol fights off gummy monsters with giant blue toothbrushes and protein shakes.
The poem is fascinating. The idea of four friends who are foods, coming together to create music and perform for the public is intriguing and unique. The addition of the camel made of flannel adds a humorous element, and the chaos that ensues as a result is both entertaining and unexpected.
-Rose
https://rosewriting12.blogspot.com/
Thank you!
Hi foxmaster!
Thanks for sharing this poem. Elinor here to drop you a quick review. I really enjoyed reading this poem! It reminded me of the VeggieTales that I used to watch as a kid. This almost feels like it could be fun as an illustrated children's book. It also feels more like a short story rather than a poem.
I do think there's a little more that you could do with the world building of this poem to make it fully land. I think I wanted to know if the foods are sentient food items in a normal world or if people just accept the fact that food is sentient. How did the gummy monsters become giant? Does everyone who lives in this world accept that these things happen on a regular basis? How do people contend with that?
Let me know if you have any questions-- I think you have a great basis here. Hope this helps and keep writing!
Elinor