Hey fox, Icy here for a quick review!
I have had a quick scan of the previous two parts, and I love the fun and slightly silly tone you're using for this novel. The characters being over dramatised versions of themselves is fun to read and it's a great vehicle for all the chaos!
Only a couple of nitpicks
"Oh, HIIII peachy babes!" said one of Kaylee's obnoxious friends. Kaylee clapped happily and said, "Oh, hey Girlypop! You slay today!" Kaylee yelled.
Remember to start a new line whenever someone new speaks! I think this was both Kaylee and her friend?
Kaylee's castle was ginormous, and the living room (where they were) was fancy enough. It had five couches a front desk, and a 9-gallon fish tank. She had these fancy purple pillars set up for the dogs to squish themselves into. Kaylee was busy preparing another dognapping heist while the three maids that were on duty right then, (Kaylee had over 25 maids overall) were shining her shoes/fanning her/fluffing her hair/giving her a mani-pedi. Kaylee's designer galaxy flip phone pro suddenly rang, and the sound of a crappy pop song with the singing sounding like someone stepped on a cat stepped on by heels ran out across the room. The maids cringed and Kaylee motioned for the hair-fluffing maid to pick it up, because Kaylee could not go get it herself, lest her nail polish might smear.
This paragraph was super long, and it disrupts your easy to read narrative. I'd separate it up into two or three separate ones.
I'm not sure if you're intending to have an actual plot here, or just lots of separate scenes but I'm struggling to figure out where this is going. I think the characters and the tone are great and it's fun enough to read without a plot, but if there is one I think more hints towards what's going on could be helpful!
Thanks for sharing!
Icy
(Banner by ReviewBuddy)
Points: 154686
Reviews: 1488
Donate