The Mirror

Hi foreverfree, Sparkle here to review!

First, I loved the description of your work. It made me curious about what your piece was going to be about. Your title is a bit simple, but that can be a good thing.

I really liked your opening stanza. It sets the reader up for the rest of the poem very well.

However, I was a bit confused as to how a mirror can 'make us see our light'. You then go on to say that we see ourselves 'like unpleasant beasts' so how is she managing to make us see out inner beauty if you say that she can't actually do that?

I was also a bit confused when you used the word somnolent. That means sleepy or drowsy. Why are the people sleepy? Maybe I'm missing some hidden meaning, but I didn't understand you usage here.

I liked your last stanza. You wrapped up the poem very neatly.

This was a very well put together and original poem. Good job! Hope this helped!

Hey there, forever, free, I'm June,

I like this poem because it takes an ordinary, every day object and tells a story about it, essentially giving it a pedestal for a moment of glory we'd otherwise overlook. I like the way you presented each stanza with a different facet of a mirror-- it was very cute.

One of the things I didn't think worked so great about the poem was your syntax; I don't particularly love the way the words are arranged, dear, because they kind of sound like a forced storytelling, against their will, rather than a story that is gracefully progressing on its own. Let's look here:

But when we see ourselves
In her reflection
Like an unpleasant beast
We walk away somnolent
While she cries and shatters about

Wolf here to do some reviewing!

This was an interesting piece. I liked how you referred to the mirror as her and/or she, which made it seem more like a person.

But there where a few things in the first stanza that confused me. One thing was the mirror's flashing sight, what do you mean by that? Is that your way of depicting how mirrors reflect everything around them?
And if it's a mirror, wouldn't it see how others view us, not how we view ourselves? Did you have another meaning behind your wording that I missed?
Although I did like how you mentioned that she speculates our beauty, before she makes us see our light. A lot of people just jump to telling someone that their beautiful, without actually taking a moment to consider it. So the fact that the mirror "thought" about it makes it seem more, I don't know, believable?

I really like your wording (but for the few occasions where it doesn't make sense, of course).
In the last line of the third stanza, you say "she cries and shatters about". She shatters about? What does that mean?

I really like the fourth stanza. I can really feel the desperation of the mirror. That might be because very often I meet people who are not very confident in themselves, and I try very hard to boost their confidants, although it doesn't usually work.

I love the way you ended it! It was wonderful!

Oh, and do remember punctuation. It makes it a lot easier to read.


Great job on the poem! I hope to see more of you works around.
~WW

The main thing that your poem does is personification. Personification is a great technique to enhance any poem which you did very well. Now let's start with the first stanza:

'The mirror and its flashing sight
Shows us how we see ourselves
She speculates our beauty
And makes us see our light'

I liked this stanza as it was kind of an introduction to your poem. And it was a good introduction. It gave readers the interest to read your poem. The second line though was a little flawed i feel. The mirror i think does not show us how WE see ourselves, rather it just shows us the truth. You could have made that line- 'Shows us nothing but truth'. Also i didn't understand the last line. What light it is you are talking about? Not very clear.

'The greatness of its reflection
Shall make us see that we have splendor
For when she compliments
We glow and walk away in pleasure'

You related GREATNESS with SPLENDOR which i really liked. You used the metaphor that the mirror compliments which serves the another purpose of personifying the mirror. Very nice. It also very nicely explains why and how a mirror is important in everyone's life. One sees himself in it and thus gives conclusions about himself/herself.

"But when we see ourselves
In her reflection
Like an unpleasant beast
We walk away somnolent
While she cries and shatters about"

In this stanza you came up with the negative aspect of the mirror has which is important for every poem like this. But this stanza doesn't have any rhyming scheme as the others. This distorts your poem a bit. Also i didn't understand why the mirror shatters about and cries. If there was a reason, it should have been mentioned as just this fact confuses the readers.

"She tries to make us see
Even in our unpleasant temper
That we are beautiful in some way
How we are sweet kind and tender"

There are two completely contradictory things that i feel about this stanza. Let me begin with the negative thing. According to me the mirror does NOT try to show us that we are beautiful in some way. It just shows what we are in reality. Actually it is for us to decide whether we see ourselves in that way. So your first line didn't really appeal to me that much. But by that line (or the whole of the stanza) you want to say that we should always think of ourselves as beautiful no matter what. And we should realize that's just what the mirror wants us to do (even if that's not true!).

'The mirror is waiting each day
For our beings to see
That we are stunning
In her reflection
In each and every way'

This is a kind of repetition to the previous stanza but is good for a concluding stanza. By repeating you emphasize your point. But the repeating also makes it a little boring, (But don't mind that!)

Overall, I felt the poem was above average and one reading makes it sound an amazing poem.

So keep writing and good luck!!

Cheers,

Shiksha!

Hallo!

I like this poem, and I think it has a lot of potential. The idea of the mirror trying only to show us our own beauty is a really interesting one to think about.

One thing that struck me was the repetition. Most of the stanzas seem to be kind of repeating the same idea over and over again, without really progressing anywhere past the main idea. Instead of just talking about the same thing, why not elaborate more on the idea, or maybe go further and talk more about the mirror. Perhaps you could go more into the sort of philosophical or existential importance of the fact that all the mirror is doing is showing us to ourselves. Talk about the meaning of that, what it shows about us as humans. Or you could cut down the poem to just one or two stanzas that express the meaning in the most efficient ways. But get rid of all the repetition and unnecessary words, because all they do is bog down the narrative and interrupt the flow, as well as make the poem not as enjoyable for the reader as a more concise one.

Another thing I noticed was that there wasn't much description. In a poem you should have all kinds of imagery, through metaphors, similes, and that kind of thing. Mirrors have a lot of potential for description, so try to add in more of it. Description allows the reader to connect more with the poem, enjoy it more, and get more meaning from it.

All in all, I liked the poem and the idea behind it, and it has a lot of potential. With less repetition and more description, it could be really great.

-Wherethewindgoes

I absolutely love how you personified the mirror as a woman, and not only that but a lot of the poems and stories about mirrors are about the horrors of what a mirror shows. Yes, a mirror always speaks the truth but what if that truth was beauty? It's a wonderful idea since so many people see themselves in a negative light. Wonderful job.