It Hurts Me For You Not To Stay

Hello!

I really enjoyed this poem. It's a masterpiece, deserves alot more credit. You're a great poet. Great grammer, excellent spelling and vocabally.

Ths part is my favorite,

'It’s hard to say,

It hurts me to see you this way.

The way my heart is aching.

The way my body’s shaking.'

Because I can easily relate to it.

Over all, I'm very impressed with this poem, every author is different in their own way. I personally wouldn't change a thing. I can't wait to read your orher poems!


Xoxoxoxs,

Love Katy

Hey there,

Okay here goes...

My favorite thing about this poem is the simplicity of it, always very effective. Also the flow is quite excellent which makes for an enjoyable read.

My least favorite thing would be the cliches used such as "It hurts" and so forth.
Some sentences are incomplete and slightly abrupt.

But all in all the rhythm is enjoyable, well done! That takes talent!

Hey, HT here to review.

First of all let me say that I enjoyed this poem. I thought that it was well-written and had very good word flow to it, it was smooth and unhalted for the most part. There was just one line section where I felt the flow was a little stunted. The way that I saw it, it didn't really match up with the rest of the work:

And it’s hard to say it hurts me to see you this way.

Almost every time you said, "It's hard to say," that segment was a completely separate line, and in this section that does not hole true.

So to keep with the little rule you made fore yourself, it should be:

And it’s hard to say,
It hurts me to see you this way.

Or possibly:

And it’s hard to say,
It hurts me,
To see you this way.

Just try to keep with the rhythm that you made, and you should be fine.

Another thing, and this could just be a glitch on my computer, but the word, 'really' in the next to last line is italicized. If this was intentional, I don't really think that it works well with the poem. And if it was not intentional, well, I really don't think that it works well with the poem.

Last thing, the fifth line from the bottom is missing a space between 'will' and 'I'.

Well, I think that I have covered everything that I intended to cover. Good job by the way, if I haven't already said that (knowing me I probably have).

Happy Writing!
HT

Hello, I'm K and hopefully this review will be helpful to you!

Some small things first, you forgot a space in the line, "What will I have without you?" and you might want to consider adding commas and periods after some of these lines. When you add punctuation, it adds more flow and makes poetry a lot easier to read. You have a lot of repetition in here, and I really like that but remember, it doesn't hurt to change things up and use different synonyms every now and then.

Your poem actually reminds me of a few songs in the beginning, which I think is really good. To me, it sets a background tone that adds to the overall tone to the piece, if that makes sense.

Other than those small things and those few comments, I can't actually think of any more to say! You did a good job conveying your pain through words, which is always a wonderful skill and I really liked reading this poem! Keep writing!