Beautiful Disaster

Rip it to shreds? Nah. I'd much rather bust it into shards.

Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! And tonight, I'm reviewing fluteluvr77's piece, "Beautiful Disaster"! What? Why would I bust this piece into shards? Because it's a gem! You don't rip gems into "shreds". :c

Now, without further ado, let's just D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DROP THE VASE.

-CRASH-

There, it's busted. Now, let me explain what I liked about this piece before I accidentally cut myself with another shard. I love how the person the speaker talks to is portrayed as an anti-hero, so to speak, who loves this girl only because she's broken and because he can fix her. It reminds me of a personal experience that I will never bring up in detail... Anyway, I'm a sucker for poems with happy endings. Call me cliche, but that's just my take on the subject.

I'm rather surprised you came up with this in 10 minutes. The grammar is pristine, as I'd expect, the theme stands firmly, and the lines are relatively uniform.

There's not much room for improvement, the way I see it. The imagery is very well written, and the piece overall looks amazing for something written on the fly!

So, I'll just leave it at that! I expect to read more of your work in the near future! As always, take care, and remember, practice is key!

Rip it to shreds? What?!

This poem is beautiful! Why would I want to destroy it? ;____;. But, before I go on a feels coaster, here's the actual review:

I really liked this part:

you give up your pieces to hold her together,

and, in your arms, she is beautiful once more.

you try – you do – to stick her pieces

back into a whole; but her edges are sharp

and she cuts into you, sinking her jagged

corners into your palms, until you’re

covered by her, in her, with her.

yet, all you see reflected in her eyes is

the red of blood and the only water she knows

leaks out of her eyes when you talk about

a world beyond her, beyond you, beyond this.

OMG this isn't a disaster at all! It is beautiful...the nature of your describing, the way you put the words, the length,the rhyming but not rhyming type poem of your is just awesome.But there's a small problem in the last part. When you tell about the girl,

"... map of freckles over her body,

the shades of her eyes, the twist of her lips."

You could have told something more expressive about her. Like...about the shape of her face, the flipping of her hair, her figure and so on. And something more that I wanted to point out is that first you say that the girl is causing pain to this man or guy, then you say that she's beautiful in his arms again. In between you should have said something more to emphasize the difference between causing pain and making pain your life.My favorite lines are:

"and you dream one day that you will

be the one to piece her back together,

you try – you do – to stick her pieces

back into a whole; but her edges are sharp

and she cuts into you, sinking her jagged

corners into your palms, until you’re

covered by her, in her, with her."

Specially the last line. Well done, awesome poem once again. If you have time try reading some of my poems too and let me know your feedback. Overall 9/10

Hi.

So, I'll firrst go with the parts I really like:

"a long-forgotten chaos that surrounds you."


"she’s the train wreck that you just can’t

stop staring at "


"a world beyond her, beyond you, beyond this."


"you give up your pieces to hold her together,"... this was the best one.



Now the parts that didnt work for me:

"until you’re

covered by her, in her, with her".. I like the expression, but words don't work somehow.


all you see reflected in her eyes is

the red of blood and the only water she knows

leaks out of her eyes when you talk about

a world beyond her, beyond you, beyond this."... the thought behind this one is wonderful. But the words don't quite work that good. I can't really explain it, but maybe something about how the words go can make this expression way stronger.

"and, in your arms, she is beautiful once more."... The ending didn't work for me that much as well.



I really liked your piece. It has an element innocence and a very strong element of admiration and love. It seems like it comes from a very pure feelings, and has been expressed very well.

Keep writing!

-Erin