Here I am,
So far away,
Closing in on the root
Of my delusions.
How far away is home?
Where have I strayed?
Where do I stay now
Except for the place
I always called “here”?
Just wild beat communication
Tells the heart
where the finish line lies.
Given my freedom
Where would I end up?
With you,
Oh with you forever I’d stay.
Spoken:
"Red alert! Red alert!"
While I was
Locked in my head
I knew not release
From all my pain.
Left to die,
Could I ever survive?
The pain I had taken instead
Of live and love,
Not forsaken,
Given as I am to Him!
Just wild beat communication
Tells my heart
where the finish line lies.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Seriously, listen to the original "Just Communication."
Well, this was too much of "jumping" . Or is it just spacing because of typing mistake?
Nicely done...
Now on the dark side...
In some moments you had too many questions in a row. I don't know if that is wrong, but check it if you want...
Through the whole poem I had a feeling that you're telling me something...something important, but boring(in some parts).
And the last thing...I didn't find this as a lyrics... More a lyric poetry than just lyrics... I don't see a song with that..hehe...that's too good for just a song...It has some secret meaning, not just "la-la-la-la..beautiful...la-la-la-la...you...""
Hey Fire! It's June!
.
Okay, I really don't have much to say about this-- I kind of fail at critiquing lyrics, but, I wanted to review this
I think it was really good, dear. Towards the end, you kind of lost my focus, but the beginning is really, really pretty good.
There's nothing to change here-- keep it up, Fire. Nice work, I loved it.
June