Young Writers Society

It was very good. Very descriptive and poetic. The only flaw I could find was the line about the separation layer. Everything was so breathtaking. I just thought this line was a little odd. But other than that, it was awesome.

Thanks for the comments .

Hi Fiction! Here is your review, as requested-sorry it's a bit delayed.

My main problem with this piece is that it is kind of dull. We're reading about an outdoor scene. Yeah, so? I'm sure it's pretty outside, but what's the point of it? Why should the reader care? What theme/intent do you want us to walk away with? If you can't sum that up in a short paragraph, I say expand upon it. Make this a scene in a short story. Maybe you could string this up of several different 'Phenolgies'. Whatever you feel works best for you.

However, this was interesting concept. In one short paragraph, you sum up a lot while using brilliant word choice to compliment it. I love the analogies you make, and you really paint a clear picture in my mind. I'd like to see revised version of this.

-Elinor

Hello, I am AspiringAuthorA..M. and shall be your reviewer tonight.

Today is a beautiful day. The suns golden rays are kissing the earth#FF0000 ">, making the heavy blanket of snow sparkle like diamonds. The sky begs for forgiveness for the snowy wrath it unleashed last night. As I sit on a hill overlooking the forest, I hear the faint call of the chickadee#FF0000 ">, and the rustling of the leaves on a on a young oak sapling, the dead leaves feebly clinging to the branches#FF0000 ">, because the tree has not yet grown an seperation #FF0000 ">separation layer. Goodness, that is one huge sentence. To the left of me#FF0000 ">, there stands a mature red maple. Be sure and have a space after a period. It's tiny crimson buds contain#0040FF ">ing carbon copies of new spring leaves#FF0000 ">, waiting to unfurl themselves once again. The trees#FF0000 ">, standing in silence as there #FF0000 ">their snow laden branches reach toward the sky#008040 ">, as they wait for the arrival of the red wing black bird#FF0000 ">, the messenger of spring.

Hey it's Erin, and I loved this. Phenology isn't normally the subject I read but definitely you caught my attention well. You did an awesome job of describing without being direct; you used very good vocabulary but not too much to where it feels like someone is reading a dictionary.
I think this is a very good start, and I'd love to hear more.

The suns golden rays are kissing the earth making the heavy blanket of snow sparkle like diamonds.

As I sit on a hill overlooking the forest,(#FF0000 ">you left the comma out and it's an adverb clause) I hear the faint call of the chickadee and the rustling of the leaves on a on a (#FF0000 ">you repeated that) young oak sapling, the dead leaves feebly clinging(#FF0000 ">I don't know that doesn't sound right maybe it's feebly cling. Don't trust me but I think that's how it goes) to the branches because the tree has not yet grown an seperation layer.