I lie flat on my back, taking in the smell of summer. It consists mainly of freshly cut lawns, barbeques, and something else. It smells of something sweet that I struggle to identify, and yet can’t, no matter how hard I try. I gaze into the blue sky and watch the clouds swirl by. I watch them as they slowly drift across the sky, changing shapes as they go. I remember learning a few years ago about how clouds form. The lesson was full of dumb things about precipitation, condensation, and long, uninteresting words like those; I never paid much attention to science class.
As I lie, gazing at the sky, I realize how much in the world I don’t know about. Sure, I’ve done 10 years of school, not including preschool, but there’s still so much about the world that is unknown to any man, scientist or not. That’s actually the reason I refuse to be a scientist. There’s so much there and I can’t find a way to learn about anything. I always say I know so much, but do I really know anything at all? What if everything we know is a lie? This is why I avoid thinking. I always assume things, but then when I’m thinking I consider all these things I have previously skipped over, and I’m lost in thoughts.
My mother jolts my mind back to reality, yelling from the back door, reminding me that I’ve left all my chores undone. I lift my head up slightly, upsetting my sprawled-out position in the grass and it makes my limbs uncomfortably stretched, but then I immediately nestle it into lawn. What do I have to lose? I can afford to relax for a minute or two more. As I close my eyes I think about all the things I do know. I say out loud to no one in particular, “You know? Maybe the world isn’t so mysterious after all.”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hello FandomsNmusic!
Sec1218 here to review your short story.
To start off, I have to say I really liked your short story because it was relatable. I'm actually learning about the water cycle right now in science (ugh). At first I was a little confused, but I actually kind of liked how there were almost three different "themes" (for lack of a better word) for each of the paragraphs. Each paragraph talked about something similar to the others, but not exactly the same. It's a big topic (the world, and it's mysteries) but you narrated it so that you didn't directly answer any questions. (Which I think is a smart thing). I like how you ended the story with "You know? Maybe the world isn't so mysterious after all." I think that line brings a nice closure to the story, and gives the reader something to think about. Speaking of which, this entire story gives the reader things to think about, which is a good think. Lastly, I liked this sentence, "I lift my head up slightly, upsetting my sprawled-out position in the grass and it makes my limbs uncomfortably stretched, but then I immediately nestle it into the lawn." except, what is "it" referring to?
All in all, this was a great story that was very relatable.
Keep up the good work!
~Sec1218
Yo it's Ash and I decided to stalk your portfolio.((BC friendship)). Aw yeah.
. Okay let's get started. Yeah this excited me a lot. The reason is because it is relatable. The world really is a mystery, and at the same time, based on whatever we know,it isn't.I really like this line "As I lie, gazing at the sky, I realize how much in the world I don’t know about." That reminds me so much of my own life. Especially now.I'm graduating high school this year and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and what even is my life supposed to be.So I did exactly that over my summer vacation. ((Haha do you have a way to look through my memories LOL)).There's so much in this life that we don't know about.
But why does the main character say “You know? Maybe the world isn’t so mysterious after all.”
That confused me a little. Next time maybe have an event to make that statement more understandable.
Overall this was well written and I must read more of your stuff!!!!
From: the meme machine named Ash
Hey there! Just thought I'd drop you a review. c:
This is a lovely thoughtful piece, and it makes me long for a lawn that isn't covered in chicken gifts- and it of course reminds me a lot of lazy summer days when my mind's allowed to wander. I love it when my mind can wander, so I can certainly relate.
What I was wondering though throughout this was what's going to happen? mostly because I came into this knowing it was a short story, but reading this it felt more like an introduction to a story, because it didn't really feel complete. As much as this is a nice bit of writing, it needs something to happen. For instance, a the end:
This line, to me, is a cue that there is something mysterious going on the in the world because it's set up in such a way that we're expecting your MC to be proved wrong- because I think we've all had that moment in our lives where we're like "Well this seems alright" and then something happens to make us realize otherwise- I'm not saying that the world is horrible and things tend to go wrong just when things are nice, I'm just saying in a story things generally have to go wrong, and events have to happen, etc.
The only other thing I wanted to mention, was that the first paragraph felt a bit like a lot of it was filler (not trying to be mean by the way, just trying to be helpful), where she's thinking about the clouds and about how clouds form and stuff- that can be good in the middle of a piece, where it's nice to kind of get a quick break from the action, but as a first paragraph it's not so good because you want to draw people in in the beginning, because people probably won't stick around if they get bored right off the bat.
Over all I think this was quite well written, and I think you could totally make this into a longer story and it would work really well! Keep it up my friend!
-socks
While I see your point, I don' have very much interest in lengthening it. Thank you for the review though.
I love this story so much. It has a great meaning, and I can really connect with this character. It is a lot like me to drop everything, lay in the grass, and contemplate life. I like how the character gets lost on a tangent that brings them to how science can't explain everything. I feel like this would make a great prologue to a short story, maybe about someone finding their way in the world. I especially like how the 'something else' smell of summer was never explained and left to the reader's imagination. Great job! I loved the story, and didn't find anything wrong with grammar or storyline. I can't wait to read more of your work!
Thank you so much Acm!