Better, but too personal. To the casual observer, many of your images don't connect. Not as charming a tactic as it seems.
The seperate phrases and images were nice, they just didn't add up to make anything more than the sum of their parts.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
*Chokes On Tears*
Why...why...why tonight?
Anyway, this poem is hard to critique when I was able to relate so well. Granite, half the imagery was completely irrelevant to my current situation but heck, the first stanza really got to me. I guess because my mind is so consumed with this certain person right now...