I woke up at eleven, and shuffled out of the room with my duvet wrapped around me. The room I was staying in was plain and basic. It was alot small than my room back home and alot uglier too. The walls were painted a sickly orange that made my eyes burn whenever I looked at it. I had two bedside tables on each isde of my queen sized bed.
"I hate winter. Who the hell decided to make winter?" I mumble to myself as I make coffee in the kitchen. The kitchen was alot more decent than my bedroom. The benches where all stainless steeI. It wasnt a pretty kitchen, but it was pratical. I took a sip of my coffe and I insantly wanted to crawl in a hole and drank it and wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. The coffee was cold! I shoved it in the microwave in hopes to heat it up.
"Stupid, freezing, retarded winter." I continue to mumble. I sip at the now warm coffee as I shuffle into the TV room. I flop myself on to the couch and switch on the music channel, then I began to text as the music played.
"Hail, I hate winter. I hate this place. I hate everything. I hate my dad. I hate that you’re not here with me.Summer x"
I then put my phone on the coffee table and drank my coffee. Trying to focus on a happy thought instead of the snow slowly falling outside my window. It’s easier said than done.
A black haired boy sits down next to me. "Morning" he says looking at the flat screen.
"Good morning" I reply, wrapping my duvet around me more.
"I’m Chris, by the way" he says.
"Last name?" I ask.
"Pine"
"Hmm. Can I ask how old you are?" I ask.
"Nearly 18. You?"
"Shouldn’t you still be in school? I’m 17"
"I finished early" He casually states.
"Why did you come to the North pole? Where its cold, and stupid, and annyoing."
He turns to me and smiles, "You really don’t like the cold, do you?"
"Loathe it" I say.
"Why?"
"Why Not?"
He sighs, "Its not that bad really...I like the cold."
"You like the cold!?" I say in disbleif, staring at his face with my mouth open. He HAS to be kidding..
"Yeah, it’s nice"
"Its not 'nice' its horrible and disgusting and yucky amd stupid an-an-and COLD!"
"Summer isn’t any better. It hot and annoying and sticky and sweaty and stupid" He says, srunching his face in disgust at the end.
I gasp, "You didn’t...."
He was smiling, showing his excellent teeth,"I did".
I give him a cold stare.
"And" he whispered, leaning into me, "I prefer winter over summer any time."
I drop my jaw. "Winter just makes everyone miserable and cranky."
"Summer just makes people sweaty and frustrated" He replies to my statement.
"Winter gives you the cold!" I shout.
"Summer dehydrates you and gives you fever"
"The North pole, Alantic and Artic are the driest places on earth"
Chris thinks about this for a second "Touche"
"Merci et au revioir" I say in french with a smug look on my face.
"jusqu'à plus tard ma belle" He replies cockily. I blush and walk off, replaying his words to me. jusqu'à plus tard ma belle, jusqu'à plus tard ma belle, jusqu'à plus tard ma belle. Till later my beautiful, till later my beautiful, till later my beautiful. Chris just told me 'Till later my beautiful'.
The shower was warm and I was glad. Or I would had to kick someone’s ass. I ended up wearing four layers. I looked at myself in the mirror and i frowned. I looked like a giant, fat, purple ummpa lumpa. Well, I rather be warm and ugly than cold and pretty.
I walked back into the TV room. My phone was beeping with a message, I flipped it open and read it.
It was from dad.
Summer, I hope that your flight was well. For punishment of your 'joy riding' you are obliged to stay in the North pole for 6 months. There you are, obliged, to once a week join a member on his practical research on ice. In addition, every 'rebellious act' you do whilst in the North pole I will add another month to your stay there. Hopefully, this will teach you a lesson, Summer. Kind Regards, Mark Mitchells.
'Basterd" I mutter.
"Summer, you’re coming with me today" Chris shouts.
I turn around and he was wearing a white snow jumper and, by the looks of it, three layers of pants. I looked down at myself and frown. I still looked like a purple ummpa lumpa.
"What are we doing today?" I ask.
A smile smirk appeared on his already perfect face. "Exploring" he whispered to me.
I groaned. I hate 'exploring'.
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138,463 Literary Works • 672,126 Reviews
hey fairyreader,
Here to review chapter three. I agree with most of the stuff Noelle and Incandenza have said and I'm not quite sure if there is anything new to review. anyway; so here goes,
Prose
your prose here is much mature than the previous ones for example you have succeeded in acquiring little details that seem to brighten up the work. for example here:
Plot [/b
what I like about you work is that there isn't much beating around the bush going on. you give action. that provide the development of the story.
this kind of stuff getting the best of your work. you should use more subtlety to project Summer's hatred over winter. Proclaiming stuff like this makes the reader think she is whining.
Incan's right. Make the father a teeny bit lively. His words really sound like a robot. and yes, don't make the father sign the text with his name. The father isn't writing a job application, he is writing a letter to his daughter.
[b] The french stuff
okay, so the occasional remarks in french were really cool. loved it. you have really done wonders with this chapter.
hope to the next one soon,
Puck
Sorry for the bold stuff. my computer kinda acted up
Thanks for this review! Your feeback really helps! I intentionally made Summmer sound like shes whinning because I want to show that when she dosent get things her way, she does the 5 year old tanty. I also intentionly made her dad sound like robot because I wanted to show the reader that Mark has no love for his daugther and treats her like another peice of his business. x
hello,
okay, so I have read the other two and I agree with Noelle, this is better. The story's getting really interesting and I think this project of yours can really turn out good at the end. however there are a few things that I feel I have to critique,
Summer's hatred over winter at this point get's honestly irritating. it was okay in the first two chapters but i would advise you to tone down the anger a little bit. for example here,
Summer, here, sounds like a five year old who wasn't given ice-cream.
I'm not a big fan of Capitalizing words to show emotion. I feel it disrupts the general flow and doesn't give the proposed vibe.
The first chapter showed Summer getting her punishment, the second, her reaching the destination and this chapter shows a conversation between two people, entirely
opposite striking up an argument.
I've seen two types of teen rom-coms being played over and over.
one, where the boy ignores the girls everywhere and this attitude somehow makes the girl be interested in him.
And two, where the boy and girl are enemy's at first and go row to row in about everything then slowly they start developing feelings.
your technique for this project is the second one. And I think, how you used this in here is okay enough excluding some of Summer's remarks which really seem childish at points.
one thing which struck me here is: A father never signs his name after a letter/email with his name. his doing that makes his behavior less of a father and more like a robot, if you know what i mean.
lastly there are typos. that a big no-no.
for example here
you need to correct stuff like that.
other than that, it was very good. i love the concept, the occasional humor.
thanks for giving me the pleasure of reading it.
Incandenza
Thanks for your lovely review! By the way, I intentionally made Summmer sound like shes whinning because I want to show that when she dosent get things her way, she does the 5 year old tanty. I also intentionly made her dad sound like robot because I wanted to show the reader that Mark has no love for his daugther and treats her like another peice of his business. x
Hi there!
This chapter is better than the others. I can tell that you read the comments that everyone made and used their suggestions to make this better. I'm proud of you. Most members don't do that.
I can't really find much wrong with this chapter. There are a few times when you didn't capitalize the letter I. This story is still lacking description though. In order to have a good novel, you need to describe. What does the house look like? What color is the carpet in the tv room? Is there a thick layer of snow on the ground just outside the window? What kind of mug is the coffee in. If you just mention this stuff it'll be better. It doesn't even have to be long, just a simple sentence.
Let me know when you have more! I really like this, it makes me laugh. Summer is such a typical, rich, high school girl.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thanks ofr once again reviewming my work! It really means alot! I'm glad it makes you laugh! Summer is very much my alter ego
I just hope my next few chapters live up to your expections! x