Chapter Two
“June, did you sleep here last night?” a taunting voice called. I poked my head out of the sleeping bag and squinted my eyes before hoarsely saying:
“No, I just randomly decided to come down a couple minutes ago and pretend I was sleeping. Jeez Linds, isn’t it Saturday? What the crap are you doing awake at 6:30?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and sitting up.
Lindsey shrugged.
“I wanted to go on a walk.”
“A walk?” I asked, not liking the sound of it. “You wanted to go on a walk in 10 below weather?”
“Sounds like fun, right?” she asked casually.
Too casually.
“Yeah, have a blast with it. I’ll tell mom that you died trying to get exercise.” I muttered, laying back down.
“Oh whatever. No one’s died from the cold.” She started to say.
Do I have to say the obvious?
What. A. Ditz.
“So, you wanna come or what?”
“And what, pass out with hypothermia? Nothing like starting a new school with a cold.” I added with cheerful sarcasm.
Lindsey poked me as I hid under the bag.
“C’mooon! Please?! Mom won’t let me go alooone!” she whined.
“Lemmee alone.” I growled in reply.
“Come with me and I’ll do your dishes on Sunday.” I paused and peeked from under the warmth.
“Two Sundays or no deal.”
She grimaced.
“Fine.” She said with a sigh. “But If you’re too slow then the deals off. Get your lazy butt up.” I had already jumped to my feet, yanked on a sweatshirt and started tying my shoes by this time. I was pulling on a warm hat and gloves as we exited the house, teeth chattering.
“This better be one fast walk…” I grumbled, jogging in place. Lindsey had other things in mind however and was taking her own due time, stretching every moment or so and obviously looking for something. I suffered 5 evil minute trudging in that demon cold, until I saw what had been making seventeen year old Lindsey so eager. He was tall, curly haired and grinning ear to ear.
“Lindsey! Ya made it!’ the boy said with a smile, joining us in our walk.
“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” she replied with a wide grin. “Oh, uhm, this is my younger sister.” She added off handedly. “June, this is Jake. Jake, my younger sis.”
“Mike couldn’t make it?”
“Are you kidding me?” I scoffed. “It’d take some serious fire power to roll him out of bed.” Jake smiled.
“Oh? So you’re a light sleeper?’
“Heck no. It took heavy bribing. Who on earth gets up so early on a Saturday?” I complained.
“Junes just teasin’.” Lindsey said, stepping between me and Jake. Good. That meant two people were blocking the wind.
“Some people do it for fun.” Jake mused, still conversing with me.
“Yeah, the complete and total insane ones. I mean, if the wind was stinging me and it was warm, I’d be ok with it. Hunky Dory. But it’s almost snowing you wackos.”
Lindsey nudged me hard and I shut up with a roll of my eyes, mentally noting that she would owe me three Sundays by the time we got home. I gave a second glance at Jake. He was tall with black curly hair and dark eyes. He was almost as pale as the snow and his was dressed in basket ball shorts and a t-shirt.
Speaking of crazies…
“So anything fun happen yesterday?” Lindsey asked Jake bouncing a little to keep warm.
“Not really unless you call the normal trauma over who does the dishes fun. being grounded sucks.
“Tell me about it.” I agreed, watching my breath come out in puffs.
“you’re grounded huh? Whatdya do?”
“Got in a fight with my brother.”
“Like a yelling fight?”
“Nah, more like a fist fight.” I replied thoughtfully, rubbing my hands together. Lindsey was blushing now and shaking her head at me and Jake seemed amused.
“Who won?”
“Well it hasn’t been quite settled.” I said, grinning evilly. Dishes or not, I was cold. “But I got a pretty good swipe at his nose.”
“They can be so immature sometimes.” Lindsey said giving me another nudge. I shrugged and stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“Why’d they start fighting anyway?” Jake asked with the same grin. Lindsey paled.
“Noting, just dumb—“
“I heard a ghost and they were taunting me about it.” I interrupted. “Well, I thought I heard a ghost, but dad said it was either the boys or my imagination. So I gave Matt the good one-two and made sure he knew I wasn’t gonna stand for crap like that. Anyway, I’m cold. So, I’ll see ya ‘round, eh Jake?” I asked before swinging on my heels and bolting off, sliding on the ice a bit before regaining my footing and stumbling onward. I reentered the house and kicked off my shoes, checking my catch as I yanked off my hat and sweatshirt. Almost seven.
What a waste of 30 minutes. And to think I could’ve been sleeping the entire time. I sauntered into the kitchen before grabbing a bowl, a spoon, and some fruit Loops and a hot chocolate cup. Five minutes later I was happily munching-slash slurping whilst reading cartoons from Calvin and Hobbes.
Suddenly there was a shuffle and a slam.
“JUNE!!” I swallowed and bolted, my chair teetering sadly on the ground. I slipped on the slick wooden floor, barely regaining my footing.
“You little BRAT!” Lindsey shrieked, as we faced each other in the hall way.
“What’d I do?!” I demanded, trying to find a way past her.
“Jake thinks I’m a complete WEIRDO!” Lindsey moaned.
“Jeez, it took him that long?” I asked, incredulous.
“ARGH!!!” I squeaked and perfected my softball slide, barely squeezing past Lindsey. I scrambled to my feet and raced up the stairs, hopping out of her hands as she reached for my ankles. Sleepy siblings exited their rooms, rubbing their eyes and blinking around curiously, wondering what the commotion was about. I had been going too fast I slid past both Matt and Lindsey’s room, slamming into my bedroom door. I jiggled the handle, once, twice, and then faced the inevitable. Lindsey was coming at me hard and it looked hopeless: I was going to be pluralized. So with another grunt, I jiggled the knob a third time. Like the saying goes, third time’s a charm and the door popped open with a sigh. I sprinted in, slamming and locking it just in time. Lindsey slammed into it, still screaming angrily.
Choices: Lindsey and ghost.
I’ll take the ghost.
I snuck up the stairs softly.
“H-hello? Hi, j-just me here. Uh, I...I gotta c-chill here for a bit so don’t mind me.” Mike’s words echoed in my word:
You know it’s all in your head….
I giggled despite myself before finally noticing the room seemed that orangey color. It was musky and flavorful in the room, like the taste of a tangerine. Stands of light were poking between the shutters and I opened them one by one, finding myself in awe yet again. The sky was a perfect blue, the clouds were pink and mango colored. One of the shutters ended up being a kind of door that led out onto a balcony which was closed off by an old gate. Getting on my stomach, I reached down and touched the clouds, expecting my hand to fall right through. But it didn’t. It bounced like a trampoline.
“Cool…” I muttered.
“Yeah, no kidding.” A voice called. I jumped with a shriek. Horror struck me as I started to topple backwards into the clouds. But just then, I felt someone grab my wrist and yank me back up to safty. All would be well but no one was really there.
“Don’t!”I pleaded, covering my head with my arms.
“…Don’t what?” the voice asked, confused.
“I dunno. What do ghosts do anyway?!” I demanded
“Honestly, I don’t know. But Casper is actually ok. I don’t know him that well, but he’s ok. A bit too friendly.” The voice said with a sigh.
“Ok. Mike, this isn’t funny. Matt, get out of my room.”I ordered to the air.
“Uh….My name is Eric actually. Prince Eric White of the Cloud kingdom.” The voice said dully. “but it’s a long story. You ought to sit down.” The boy’s voice warned me. Before I had to time to react, he continued.
“I belong to the realm of imagination. My great, great, great, great, grandmother, Snow White, was very well known to Reality—you’re realm. I was about to take the Cloud Kingdom but I was kindnapped and forced to drink a potion. I went invisible before my very own eyes. Do you know how creepy that is?!” he demanded.
I pointed at myself.
“Still visible aren’t I?” I said with a cocked eyebrow. I heard a long sigh.
“Yes, lucky you. Anyway, the tied me up again, pushed me on a ship and I woke up in this room.”
“Right. Matt, how are you doing that voice?” I asked curiously. “A weird recording or something?”
“I am not Matt,” the voice said, frustrated. “My name is Eric White and my kingdom is in deep trouble! The only way I can get home is if someone from reality accompanies me. I’ll need a drop of your blood to stop the poison.”
“Poison?” I asked before catching myself. “No. No, this is all some joke. I’m dreaming, right? And I’m gonna wake up and be with all my friends back in California.”
“Is that a wish? ‘Cause if you come with me, my fairy godmother can grant you a wish.”
I paused.
“How can I tell if you’re real?” I demanded.
“How should I know? People need to learn to believe by themselves.” The boy said. I could imagine him shrug pitifully. “But hey,” he added. “you say this is a deram right? So whats to lose, helping me?”
I dunno, maybe my mind.
Instead I bit my lip and sighed.
“you swear on your life I get a wish?” I asked, narrowing my eeys.
“Yes.” Was the firm reply.
“Alright. How do we get to this dumb city of yours?”
“Water Kingdom.” Eric sniffed. “And we should start by cloud jumping for a bit.”
“Cloud jumping?”
“It’s pretty self explanatory. Come on,” Eric insisted and I felt a smooth hand grasp mine. He led me to the balcony. “We jump.” He said simply.
I tried to pull away. “never mind, never mind! I am not going to jump off of my balcony window!”
Eric sighed, exasperated.
“Would I put the only way of getting home in harms way?” he required heatedly. I swallowed.
Home, home, think of home…
“Ok. You first.” I ordered. He let go of my hand and was gone. Tentatively, I set a foot down on the clouds. Still keeping a strong hold on my balcony, I let all my weight fall onto the clouds.
Whoa. That was the weirdest feeling in the world. kind of like stepping in a puddle with just socks on. But then it boinged me back up and soon enough, I let go of the railing and started to walk. It was like moon walking on the trampoline. Hmm…
I wonder what jumping was like?
“WHOOOAAA!!!!” I shrieked, moments later, my arms flailing around for balance. I landed back on the clouds only to bounce again and again.
“Hey! Girl!”I heard Eric call.
“What?” I snapped back before rebounding back into the air.
“Stop! We should stick together!”
“How?!”
“Hold hands I guess—“
“No! How do I STOP?!”
“oh. Fall onto your back.” He instructed. I did as told and received a bit of a jar before coming to a bumpy halt. Eric helped me to my feet and I looked around dizzily.
“Now that’s a thrill.” I gasped, braiding my blonde hair back.
“sh…do you hear that?”
“huh?”
Then I did hear it. It was a soft moan from the clouds and a sudden explosive rumbling.
“What is that, a thunderstorm? And how do we stay above the clouds anyway? They aren’t supposed to beouncy!”
“Be imaginative for once, will you?” Eric muttered, still thoughtful. “And that is no thunderstorm. That’s a ship.”
“A ship?” I asked before the ground was swept from under me and I started to fall.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I like this chapter a lot. Love the way Lindsey gets pissed and all because she says Jake thinks she weird, it's so...normal, natural, something a lot of people have been through.
Normally I'd agree with some of what the others said, that it might be going a bit fast, but she thinks she's in a dream, and like Eric said, if she is dreaming, where's the problem in taking the risk? If you don't want to change much of the story, you could always have the MC make a debate with herself and realize that if all that was a dream, that she should just go with the flow, or something to that effect.
Anyways, I like where this is going, PM me when you publish the rest!
Cutee, I like Eric already, this sorta energetic bouncy blonde which is completely different to June, this moody reluctant and unwitting heroine.
Pm me with your next chapter, please.
I agree with with Classy, you did introduce too much adventure in the first chapter. At least your tenses are a bit better this time around(I think, I'm in kind of a rush so i won't read it again) but your you misspelled a few words and you have a few grammatical errors. Maybe you could have described the settings a bit better, like temperature and whatnot.I'm so glad Eric isn't a ghost. And congratulations on thinking about connecting the story with Snow White. And the 'Realm of Imagination' and 'Realm of Reality', nice.
Another great read.
Maybe the only suggestion, agreeing with another poster, is to have your MC have another encounter with Eric before going on the adventure. Maybe break this chapter down into two smaller ones.
Can't wait till I read the next segment.
Very interesting story, but I will say that you are moving too fast. I think you should have at least one more encounter with Eric before she just up and besides to leave on a journey on bouncing clouds.
And how come she doesn't think about leaving her family, school, or her bedroom behind?
What is the setting? Can she see the ground? Is it warmer above the clouds because the sun is hitting her? Does she feel closer to space because she is higher up in the world? These are all things that you should include.
On the other hand, I love your character. She kind of reminds me of myself. I really like her smart-alec attitude, and she is actually funny! I fully grasp her character, well done on that part.
I am excited to read on, just take it slow. You introduced too much adventure in one chapter, it's a little scary.
Classy
Once again: The way you portray the warm climate to cold climate change is perfect, right down to the natives wearing shorts. You win cookies.
Also again: You're still over-using said bookisms, and it's still distracting. Not terribly, you understand, but enough to detract a little from the reading experience. There's nothing wrong with just "said", after all.
Now... You once again had some grammar mistakes, incorrect capitalization, missing or misplaced commas, that sort of thing. And a quick proofread would solve that with a minimum of fuss.
A quick comment about Lindsey and Jake's conversation: It didn't seem like a half-hour long conversation. I'd say something more like ten-ish, for a total of fifteen minutes in the cold before getting back to the house. Also, that early in the morning, in November, you'd have to be completely mad or hypothermic to willingly wear a T-shirt. Shorts, yes, shorts are fine, but a T-shirt in the wind at seven in the morning... At that time it's usually about -20° *without* wind chill, so I'd suggest giving Jake a hoodie?
And good job not infodumping with Eric's story, although... It wasn't exactly long enough to require anyone to sit down. If it were me I'd consider changing "It's a long story, you'd better sit down" to, say, "It's kind of a long story, but basically..." or something to that effect. Because, after all, the backstory he offers is about three sentences.
In conclusion: Still intrigued. Glad Eric isn't really a ghost, because real ghosts are boring. I await chapter 3.