Published May 15, 2010
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hello, I'm LastPaladin and I can't agree at all with what people say. I've prayed and hoped wouldn't have to jump in and comment like this, but everyone praising this because of shape but ignoring one fact which just peeves me to no end. It has no substance, the idea is slightly original but it's not really explored this poem could be so much better if given the chance to breath and not be limited by arbitary shapes.
The idea you have is used rarely if at all, but you don't even begin to touch on the potential of this, insisting instead be bland and generic. It doesn't make me feel anything, doesn't change my life, it doesn't even have anything that stands out to me, other than the shape.
I want to help you though, and make ya understand you have a unique and great idea here, but you just never grasp how powerful an idea it is. Don't limit yourself to a boring shape, instead make the poem powerful, another stanza or two could save this, but you'd need to move the ending about.
I really hopes this helps.
This is amazing! Great structure (hint hint) and nice rythem.
The one thing I didnt like was about the wind. I would have said something like the trees scraping my window. now THAT'S scary!!!
I'm getting frightened already!! *shivers run down spine*.
CHOW FOR NOW,
sionarama
That's a really good poem, with the shape. Good job.
Hey Fairy!
This was lovely! I loved, loved, loved the shape that you did! It kind of reminded me of this one Christmas tree poem... and this wheelbarrow poem... and several other really excellent poems! So yay for you!
One thing which I might play with is -- STILL PERSERVING THE SHAPE -- see if you can fill it with cooler information. So instead of saying, "begins to creep" you can say "creeps" and fill it with a more amazing detail... if that makes sense.
Still! Lovely poem.
Hello there!
It was short but really good. I like it how your formatting makes a "lamp" figure. I could get the message through the poem. One thing, think of words that would really give a fresh idea into it like 'bedroom', we know there's no spaces between this word, so try not to force them by separating it, just because to make a lamp stem or something.
Wonderful poem.
Keep up the good work!
Peace out!
Idea: Make an enitre room of this, color coated so it's easier to tell one poem from the next. Like a desk for the lamp to sit on and things. =p
Hi Fairy,
I loved this! I disagree that a period in the middle of a line is a problem. It is part of the poem and adds to its uniqueness. I love how you placed the words to make the stem of the lamp. In my head I read each of those words separately. It was like being on tiptoe, and then you relax at the end when you turn on the light! Great job!
Sarebear
Hi there Fairy! I'm here to review.
First off, I like your idea. It's very entertaining and somewhat different from the norm. However, I think the way you formatted this prevents it from being truly good. For example:
Never use a full stop (period) in a line of poetry and continue on the same line. Always start a new one, because it's the beginning of a new idea, no matter how small the individual idea may be.
"Bed room" is one word. Bedroom.
Great work. *likes*
-Knightley
I really really like this! A LOT! (Also clicked the like button by the way).
Not only were you creative about the wording of the poem, but you arranged the words to actually look like a lamp!
I really have no idea how to review this, since I enjoyed it so much. I read it a second time to soak it through but I still can't kind anything wrong with it!
Good job and keep writing,
Jane
Haha, that is so cool!!! How did you get it to do that? Whenever I put spacing and such it takes it away...oh well, in any case this was awesome. The poem was good and the formatting made it even better. I liked the whole idea behind it, and it was really well-done.
This is a completly origonal idea and I love it! It's really clever the way that the stanza has been set out, furthermore, it doesn't interfere with the narritive of the piece. Good job!
Wow this is really cool! I would have never thought to arrange a poem like that! And on top of that, the poem itself isn't bad. It reminds me of when I was really little and terrified of the dark and the winds of winter.
Keep up the good writing!
~Amylith
This is a good poem, I like how original the formatting is. The only thing that stuck out to me was the part when it says 'flip the switch', I thought that you could have put a word hanging from the lamp shade to resemble the dangling switch that's on lamps.
wow thats cool you did a great stuff there, though i dont know if your formatting is accapted in poetry, I liked it. but i would like to add that what you just wrote is a stepping stone to a great poem if only you will be willing to spend time on creating different short ideas-just like the one above-to make you want to turn the lamp on if you can come up with two or three in additon to what you have it will be great. so keep thinking the ideas will come am looking forward to the additions
Hello,
Happy to be your reviewer for today. Man this is a really cool idea. I have seen it multiple times and wish I could do poetry like this. I think you did an amazing job fitting the words in this way it adds to the context. I enjoyed this poem alot aside of the formation in which it was presented.
Good job and keep up the good job!
Tiffany