Young Writers Society

"devoured by the thirsty tongues of flame" - Amazing!

The imagery in this poem is amazing, I was cognizant every single line of the poem and it read incredibly easy and was absolutely interesting till the very end. The conclusion leaves the reader with a sense of melancholy, and the poem lingers in your thoughts and makes you think. The metaphorical image of the body as a "cage" is so inspiring and breathtakingly beautiful. "The skin that held me is unraveling.

My cage is opening."

WOW! I am so excited to read all your other work!

This is the type of story with a catching beginning to keep you in suspense. I especially loved how you used imagery. It created a everlasting image in my mind. It was beautiful. i think even i felt the pain from the fire. It gives a good idea of freedom though it uses death as an example which i still don't understand but other than that I am amazed at what a beautiful way of expressing one's need for freedom. =)

Let me copy my favorite sections of the story:


It's the same as always.

Every night I flick the lighter and hold it to the edge of the page. Every night it catches almost immediately. Every night I feel the warmth of the flames and let the paper go just before the warmth turns to heat. Every night the burning page hits the water with the faintest hiss.

And every night I wake up.

But tonight a fleeting image crosses my mind: something, or maybe someone, trapped. Caged, like a bird. For the first time I notice words typed across the front of the paper, but the corner has already caught fire and I do not have time to read them before they are devoured by the thirsty tongues of flame, the fire that I am beginning to feel the warmth of in my fingertips.

Something...

Something trapped.



This time I hold on to the paper as it burns, the sweetest fire licking its way closer and closer and closer to my skin...

Curiously, the fire does not burn me. It is not a sense of searing agony, as I would have thought, to have my hand, wrist, arm, shoulder immersed in flame. In fact, as the flames wrap around my arms and catch in my hair, I laugh at the strange sensation they bring, a feeling I can only describe as bubbly.

The flames have left the paper; it crumbles to gray flecks of dust and flies away at the slightest breath of wind, a wind that only fuels the flames consuming me. I stand perfectly still as the fire eats away at my arms, as it travels down my spine and up from my feet and surrounds me totally. It is the most glorious feeling, to be encased in flames that do not cause any sort of pain.

I feel as light as air. The fire is everywhere, sparking on the ends of my eyelashes, smoldering deep in my bones. Under my piercing gaze, the fire does it's work steadily, until it is leaving first my fingertips, then my toes, my feet and palms my legs, my arms, my stomach, my shoulders, my throat, until I am free of the flames. I exhale, and suddenly I am caught in the wind. I take one last glance at my crumbling gray body before I allow what is left of my eyes to be swept away on the breeze, ashes in the wind.

The skin that held me is unraveling.

My cage is opening.


There you go! Obviously, I liked it all and have no critiques whatsoever to make! Yay!

~~Heidi~~

How i enjoyed reading this piece! I love the use of imagery that you have contrived throughout; this piece is emotional and quite disturbing- i love it! i fell that the title is just perfect for this piece; typically a bird is the common symbol for freedom, so in fact, it plays well on behalf of this piece- KEEP WRITING:)

This was a wonderful piece and it was pretty emotionally balanced at the same time, but it was also quite confusing,the thing I liked most about this piece was how well the emotion balanced with the confusing parts and made them all work well in the piece, I also think that the title was great for the poem, because if you are trapped in your own world then you have to find your own happiness and pull down all the curtains like the fire then you would be reaching freedom, but that was what I got from my point of view, but I really like this piece and would love to hear some others, so keep the flow, and keep writing because your really good at it!

My first reaction to this work was "wow". I actually felt the breeze, but that may be due to the fact that I am sitting directly below an air vent.

So what I really enjoyed about this was that it was quite deep and emotional, but not in a confusing way. It is hard to transfer the reader somewhere, but with this piece, I was literally moved.

My favorite paragraph was this one:

"Curiously, the fire does not burn me. It is not a sense of searing agony, as I would have thought, to have my hand, wrist, arm, shoulder immersed in flame. In fact, as the flames wrap around my arms and catch in my hair, I laugh at the strange sensation they bring, a feeling I can only describe as bubbly."

I have had a sensation of what it would be like to be encased in flames, but of course, it had never actually happened. Was the feeling that you were trying to describe here painful but also enjoyable, such as the feeling that you get when you hit your funny bone? That is what I took from reading that particular paragraph.

This is a bit off topic, but I read a book once called "Uglies" by Scott Westerfield. I remember that he would use the world "bubbly" a lot as an adjective. The last sentence in that paragraph reminded me of that.

Now the only thing that confused me about this was, of course, the end. When the main character speaks of the sense that someone is trapped, they find out that it is themselves, yes?

The last three sentences here: "I take one last glance at my crumbling gray body before I allow what is left of my eyes to be swept away on the breeze, ashes in the wind.

The skin that held me is unraveling.

My cage is opening."

I was unsure here whether you wanted to imply that the protagonist is free or dying. It had something to do with how the paper was covered in flames and then blowing away as ashes, that I knew. Of course, it is the writer's job to be a little big vague when writing. You have to leave some of the story for the reader to finish. So it was interesting to contemplate what was really going on after I finished reading.

Over all, I feel that it was a fantastic work. As much as it was a good story, I feel that it was a little deprived of emotion, but that is difficult to include in a short story without making it too long.

Thank you for giving me a tidbit of inspiration. Keep writing!

I thought this was very interesting. Your writing style made this piece read almost like poetry as opposed to a short story. I love the way you describe the flames feeling "bubbly," it was an excellent description and made me think of the person's skin melting and bubbling as it would from extreme heat. The last sentence, "my cage is opening," had an eerie feel to it, to say the least. It makes me feel as if there are suicidal undertones to this piece. I was honestly surprised at how good it was for such a short story.

Hello, Storm! I'm Rosie, and I'm here to review this piece.

This is exactly the sort of thing I adore reading. I've read a quite a few works on this site, and although many of them were great, after I've clicked the red x in the corner of the screen, I forget about them. This will not be one of those pieces. You've managed to take your feelings and translate them into something that's unique and hypnotic and, to put it simply, unforgettable.

"It's the same as always."

This was an excellent way to start off your piece. It's a very effective "hook," and it immediately caught my attention and made me want to read the rest to see what you were referring to. I also like the way you've kept the first paragraph down to one sentence. It's enough for me to 'test the waters with', per se, but not an overload of information.

And now, time for a few very minor nitpicks.

"This time I hold on to the paper as it burns, the sweetest fire licking its way closer and closer and closer to my skin..."

I'm not a fan of the way you've described the fire as the 'sweetest.' Perhaps 'sweet' would be a better choice, considering that you're not comparing the fire to another fire? It's just something small that I noticed.

"Something...

Something trapped."

I personally feel that you could've completely edited out the first line of this. I love that you're taking certain lines of this piece and setting them apart from the rest of the sentences so they stand out; while this is an effective technique, it's essential to make sure that the lines you are setting apart are particularly streamlined so that what you're emphasizing is as powerful as it can possibly be.

Remember, my criticisms are only my opinion. If you disagree with my suggestions, disregard them! Your opinions concerning your work are paramount; do not sacrifice them for anyone. At the end of the day, they are what will set you apart from other writers.

All in all, great work! Always keep writing.

-Rosie