“Old McDonald had a farm, E I E I O,” we sang in unison as Ms. Bernum, our music teacher, clanked away on the piano.
“And… on his farm he had a… pig,” Brittany Carlson muttered, head hung.
Pig was the magic word; giggling erupted from my whole kindergarten class. I couldn’t help but laugh along. Who could resist such comedy?
“All right, all right, settle down!” Ms. Bernum snapped, clapping her hands in attempt to quiet the laughter. “Your graduation concert still needs a lot of practice, and if you keep goofing off you will never get finished.”
Our class obeyed and we continued on with Old McDonald and his farm animals (our peers). As we ended, Brittany, still staring down at her Velcro sneakers, shuffled over to the piano bench where Ms. Bernum sat. We leaned forward in our chairs, our eager ears waiting to hear what our classmate had to say.
“Ms. Bernum, I don’t want to be the pig anymore,” Brittany mumbled.
The wrinkles on Ms. Bernum’s face deepened in disproval. “Fine, take a seat.”
Pouting her lip, she crossed the room and plopped in a seat, facing away from the class.
“She is such a baby!” the girl next to me whispered in my ear. I nodded in agreement.
“Patti,” Ms. Bernum said, beckoning me up to the front of the room. “You’ll be the pig for now.”
The pig? But who wants to be the pig? I bit my lip, my cheeks flushing red as I headed toward the front of the room. As I marched up the aisle way, I could hear their laughter echoing.
“From the beginning,” Ms. Bernum instructed sharply. She played a warm-up arpeggio and the song began.
“Old McDonald had a farm, E I E I O.”
I eyed my classmates, cats ready to pounce on me as I squeaked my line.
“And on his farm… he had a pig…”
My classmates shook with giggles at me, the pig. The lowly pig. The object of their taunts. Their faces blurred and my shoulders tried to fight down sobs, heaving as I masked my face with my hands.
The piano stopped. “All right, all right, settle down!” Ms. Bernum yelled. She turned to me. “Go sit back down.”
Everyone silenced once again. I walked back to my seat with my stifled sniffles dominating the room, pushing me further into my shame.
“Is there anyone who will be the pig?” Ms. Bernum demanded.
“I will, Ms. Bernum!” Trent Hamilton volunteered, jumping out of his chair. He took my place in the front of the room, shining brightly as the song restarted.
Trent said his line. The gaps in his teeth could clearly be seen as he smiled along with the rest of the class, even though he was the measly pig, the reason for their laughter. Even though I had been too ashamed to take the part.
And from my seat, I peeped a grin, suppressing a pathetic hiccup, which refused to fade.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
So basically? This is emotionless. XD
I agree with the others in that you could of made this a little more deeper or more emotional. Although it was well written, I didn't really feel any emotion through the whole thing.
I think you could have done a little more in depth on the "savior" Trebt, saying how maybe she saw him in a different light now or something.
Otherwise I quite liked it; it brought me back to my childhood as the lone duck in the kindergarten play...... quack. Good job.
ooo kids are mean.
I think Sexy is right though. You could turn this into so much more.
Children are the ultimate innocents.. or so we think.
A good, quick read. Not emotionally impacting, not even unusual, but just simply good. I enjoyed it but it wasn't particularly interesting. I mean, it was, for as short as it was. It's a good short story, is what I am saying. Short. Story.
I don't know what I'm trying to get at here. I suppose you wanted it to be more...impacting than it actually was. Which, it wasn't. hmm
Well...
I'm no help.
It was good. Gramatically correct. Structered, and well-written. Kudos, mate
Hehe! I would so totally be the pig.
Er... yeah.
I think, for this case, third person would be better. With first person, you can go into how everything seems to be, according to the narrator. And that, really, is the beauty of first person. For a kindergarten class, it doesn't seem like the right kind of description. And it seems very awkward in this case. I would probably switch the persons and see whether that makes it better or not.
Good luck!