(unnamed)

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer. This piece makes me unsure. But I shall explain further about that during the review. Let's just say my opinion will be rather two sided on one hand you might like it, on the other it will seem harsh --- but either way it's to help improve you.

This poem is short which is best for piece like this, but it comes across as overly sweet and feels rather twee. It doesn't feel realistic. It feels like a Fast-food Opinion of love, it doesn't feel genuine. And really it shows horribly the whole thing seems like a poem should have kept in a blog or diary. Not one you show to other writers. That is to say it's not tawdry but it is rather bland, there no substantial imagery to captivate us. So what do we end up with but a Hallmark type poem which has no real emotional investment.

The best quality about this is the beginning, it makes the poem less generic. But sadly the let down is too much and rather than thinking 'Awww' left feeling dismal.

Overall: You started pretty good, but avoid cliches and avoid trying to sound sweet, because if you try sound cute, it normally comes out less than --- to put it best comes out twee.

Hope it helps.

I think this is pretty! This is well done and pretty good. Try capatalizing the first letter of each line. I'm also wondering if at the very end you should make "Your hands" its own line. That way the last line won't stick out too much from the rest. But I liked this. Keep writing!

I must say is a great first attempt. I, like you, have not had much experience with poetry. I know some about it, but I can never seem to write a good poem. So this may be a horrible critique. Well, time will tell.

I like the concept of it and all. But I must say that the way its written is not my favorite. Never fear, if you keep working on poetry and get better, you should go back and re-write the poem. Keep the same concept, but enhance the context. Hardly any grammatical issues that I can see. Over all, a VERY well written piece.

I look forward to seeing more from you!

Until next time,
Hannerz:)

I think it's really pretty and that it flows really well,
it really does seem like it came right out of your head, natural.
It's short but it still delivers it's message, and very well i think.
really sweet, i really liked it.

Ha. For a first attempt, it sure as hell is better than anything I came up with when I was starting out. Definitely keep writing! And great poem you've got here. While I agree with Coral - the language is a bit strange - I did enjoy reading this. Keep it up.

Okay, I'm not even sure why, but I REALLY REALLY love this!! I agree with Kaitlin---please don't stop writing poetry! There is such depth in the very few words of each line of the poem. And anything purely of love makes my heart melt. If a guy wrote something like this for me, I'd probably die ^.^
Ah, such sweet simplicity. . . please write again, that poem was like a nice quick blast of fresh air.
I don't really have any criticism for this. . . just that "rambling eulogies" kind of threw me off a tad.

Please, please, please don't stop writing poetry. This is brilliant.

I love the language, and the halting style--it's good on the page, and when you read it out loud it's a very awkward rhythm that works really well. I love the lines"in rambling eulogies to your eyes or the way you move your hands." It's understated but really, really powerful. Especially in poetry, you never need to hit things over the head, and the way you hit the details of this person--the way you move your hands!!--just show the way you notice every bit of them.

The only thing I think could be improved is "loved her love." It's not quite as powerful as the other lines, and I think, with your obvious grasp of the language, you could definitely find a stronger phrase.

Thank you for sharing, and keep writing poetry!

i love it as previously said its short and to the point i also like your choice of the words they are unique unusual but they add a personal touch a signature keep on writing i love it i hope this helps

wellllllllll thank you

I love the whole Context of it. The deep meaning of the way that you loved her and i can feel that message from such a short poem. Keep up the good work (:

Honestly, I think it's really good. I love the content, the concept... wonderful piece. However, and this is probably going to sound a little weird, the language sounds odd to me. Just, the way that all the words sound together seems odd- the rhythm is a bit weird too.
However, having said that, if this is your first attempt at poetry, I dearly hope it isn't your last. It was really good, and better than anything I did when I started. By a reallllly long shot. Great job!

-Coral-

Well, I like it. It's short and sweet and to the point. I think that eulogy is a perfect word, but through me off a little. All in all, good poem. I can't find anything wrong, so I hope it's just that good. Or else I am a bad reviewer.