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Hey Del!

I am completely and inexcusably late for this review. I'm so sorry about that >.< Especially since this chapter is so short too, gosh, I'm a failure. So let's jump straight to the review...

Okay, so I'm not sure how I feel about your opening. I only skimmed the previous chapter to give myself a refresher on where I left off, but didn't the last chapter end with them about to call Gaderel? Why does this chapter seem to open in the middle of a conversation then?

I mean obviously you're under no obligation to write out the introductory bit, and I figure you started here cause it's more interesting than just having pleasantries exchanged. So it might be okay because of that (I'm pretty tired and doubting my judgment here lol), but it still feels a tiny bit odd to jump into the the middle of a conversation with the way the last chapter ended I think.

Gaderel frowned as if processing the information himself.

We all took a moment to process,

Not loving your repetition of the word "processing" here.
~ ~ ~

I love the way you ended it. Overall I wasn't super engaged emotionally in the chapter this time, but your last sentence really snapped that around. It adds a level of humanity and raw emotion to your characters, and her showing vulnerability is impressive considering how stubborn the characters have been so far. So that's absolutely excellent -- nice poignant cliffhanger ending to motivate me to read on (If there WAS more to read on to >:[ )

Overall I think this was a solid chapter. Wasn't my favorite, but that's probably because not a ton happened. Sure we learn the new information about the demons being disguised better and the team needing to go undercover -- and that's important information that was conveyed well -- but plot wise we didn't have a ton of action, more just talking. But even that's fine, since we had the drama last chapter so having a softer chapter here works.

I'm interested to see how this new mission works, and to see how your characters continue to develop and grow into themselves. As always, if you have any questions or wanna do novel-talk, just hit me up. And of course when you post your next chapter which you're going to do soon, right?

Keep writing!

~Shady

Hello wife!!! <3

okay this gets a bit rambly so I'm sorry but bear with me maybe please


-okay my first though is that, at least at the beginning because there's where I'm at lol, there's a distinct lack of description. It's all just dialogue and dialogue tags. What's going on around them? Is everyone sitting? Standing? Is there any noise around them? What does it smell like? I'm pretty sure you get the gist haha and I'm pretty sure this also isn't the first time I've said something about it xD

"Why? What about this demon makes him more powerful, exactly? How do we know he's more powerful?"

I think(?) you know that I don't like to comment on dialogue because I usually leave the character's speech patterns up to how the writer believes the character would speak, but I AM going to complain about the repeated powerful because it reads awkwardly.
Actually you know what? I don't think Bash needs to even say that second line because he's kinda...asking the same thing? I don't think the dialogue's going to suffer there if you don't have it there.

but he still looked so human, until his skin literally shredded off," I trailed off, realizing I was rambling.

Since she's trailing off, use an ellipsis instead of just the comma (but be careful because once you start using ellipses it's like a vortex they suck you in and you can't stop). Also I'm going to complain about 'off' being used like that so closed together. (Maybe 'until his skin literally shredded apart'?)

After a moment of silence, Bash interjected,

Is he interjecting on the silence? Lol I'm sorry, but I would probably change this so something other than 'interject' because that's more of saying he's interrupting? And he's...not doing that.

"...Expermienting?"

experimenting*

That's what we think this new threat is...a success."

I don't think you need the ellipsis here? Also 'That's why'*. And uhh, just quick question: if Lucifer's been experimenting, and he's been doing this for years and he's finally gotten a result...why would he send the experiment to a human gas station? That seems almost wasteful of that experiment then? (Did I already ask something like this? I did, didn't I? Why they got attacked at that gas station, specifically, right? rip I don't remember but if that is and you have the same answer for it please just feel free to ignore me lol)

We were going to have to go undercover? What does that even mean?

SAME Kaydence.

It was only then that Gaderel made his way to the open chair,

Here's where the description would have been important, but I have no visual on the layout of the scene, and therefore had no idea there was a chair there (but I also know that you got you're words out and that you were struggling and I'm very proud of you for that <3)

"So basically, you can't give us any information except that someone is causing trouble. Isn't God supposed to be all knowing, or whatever? Why can't he tell us more?" Bash said, unbelieving.

disbelieving would flow better I think *coughs* but actually I wanted to ask: has this never happened before? Like, has there really never been a situation where they couldn't be told all the details of a mission because Gaderel/God didn't have the answers? I guess the reason I want to point this out is that there have been a few instances that make it feel like they haven't been running missions for years? The relationships are somewhat developed and all that, but, for example, Kayden/Bash is like...how is this just coming to surface now? If they've been doing stuff together for a while, has this really never come up before? I think that's one of the things to consider about your timeline so you get a more solid feel, and I don't know if you have, but ask yourself what has and has not already happened (because there's been at least a few places where the characters have been like 'what is this???' when it sounds like it should have been something that came up? I'm not sure if this makes any sense of not but Y A KNOW).

"Well, yes, you didn't think God was going to only have six people on his side while Lucifer has hundreds, did you? However, God does understand the world is cruel and this is a thankless job, so he only has a few other groups placed throughout the world."

Following my last point: like this? They've been doing this for years? Wouldn't this have come up by now? They seem like they don't know a lot of stuff about their job even though they've been doing it for a while? So I guess, uhh, nail down that stuff better? Create a timeline (gOD do I hate these so I understand the pain of creating them)


-I uhh, maybe I'm just reALLY tired but...did Gaderel actually give them an objective beside 'oop scary devil bad guy has made complex demons that blend in you gotta be undercover kay thx bye' ? Just my own thoughts, I feel like he could have given them like, a starting lead to something? To get them started on the case, y'know, because it doesn't feel like he needs to come and personally debrief them just for that if that's the case? But I definitely am not you and don't know what's best for your story or how you have things planned out so please feel free to disregard this <3

-MM what's going to happen next I'M VERY WORRIED about what Bash if going to get up to D: he is. a bit spooky.

-description but I'm not going to bore you with repetition again


I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR GETTING THIS DOWN I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON ily <33 you'll definitely see me around for when the next part drops in! Until next time <333

I hope you have an amazing day and that you are not super stressed and will send you good viBes