Trick
He thinks he's just slightly in love with them, the new troupe of magicians who's just arrived in town. They're a mystery of silky hair that swishes, dark compelling orbs and beautiful legs that men are rendered speechless by. 9 enigmas, all equally mysterious and beautiful. They go by the stage name of GG, as he's heard.
Can you say captivation at first sight?
He isn't the only one who notices, and soon, everyone's whispering and pointing at the curtains, it being their object of fixation. He seems to be the sole person who notices a gleam, reflected off a winking eye at the corner of the wide circus ring they perform in. On closer inspection, (he merely squints) he realises that it's a symbol. A logo, perhaps? It almost seems...malevolent, he thinks.
The eye gleams again, and he could have sworn that there's something different about it. Something...playful, not unlike that of a trickster. He's caught up in his own reverie when a loud bell sounds, and they appear. There's loud clapping from all around him, as well as a few hoots and whistles. Only to be expected, considering their stage outfits. Seductive smiles adorn their faces, small smiles giving nothing away. It's only expected of them, really. They're stunning in an ethereal kind of way- they don't seem to be of this earth, he thinks.
There are no words that can adequately describe the instant attraction and captivation. It's as instantaneous and easy as blinking, something natural. He hasn't talked to them, much less know their names, but he loves them already. He knows such a statement is ludicrous (and possibly delusional), but he couldn't care less about what other people think. That's also why his hand shoots up in a heartbeat once they call for volunteers for their finale, the disappearing act.
One of them catches his eye, and he feels his world as he knows it collapse under his very feet. In that fleeting moment, he thinks that he would do anything for her. She looks away, and that link disappears. He's desperate to recapture it, and waves his hand even more vigorously in a valiant attempt to get their attention.
"You."
The voice sounds out of nowhere, and he almost falls out of his seat when he realises all 9 pairs of twinkling orbs are trained on him. Playful, and not without a hint of...something else. He can't quite put his finger on it. His thought dissipates into a cloud of nothing when one beckons.
"Come."
He remains silent, transfixed by the 9...beings in front of him. They steal a quick look at him, and a few muffle smiles behind hands as they watch the dazed expression on his face, the glazed look in his eyes. The tension amongst the audience gradually rises, as they watch the lack of action in the ring. They want action.
A quick assent is murmured among the 9, and they all turn to face him with blindingly bright smiles. Slowly, gradually, carefully, they form a circle around him, never taking their eyes off him. Their gazes are starting to make him just a little uncomfortable, and he fidgets.
The leader, short, yet with an unmistakable air of authority, turns to face the audience. In sultry tones, she tells the audience to watch.
Rejoining the circle, the 9 look at one another. Their gazes lock over his head, somehow (even though he's taller than all of them), and it's unmistakable this time.
Something is building up in the air.
Something so powerful that even the dullest of human senses is able to detect.
The audience senses it too. They shift uncomfortably in their seats.
Boom.
The light is blinding and white, sears the back of his eyelids that close in a feeble attempt to protect his vision. It takes a few minutes for the agonising pain to ebb away, and he opens his eyes hesitantly.
His hysterical ramblings are punctuated by the occasional hiccup, tear, and of course, the thunder that rumbles.
All this time, the rain never stops, never ceases in its mockery.
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Heyy!! Forever here with a review!!
This was a good story, I have a few confusions though. Let's get into those. First of all, the story was a bit vague in general. First we see that a group of magicians have arrived in the town and they perform extraordinary magic and also their looks and magics attract a lot of people to their shows. This 'he' is one of them, he seems to be a person who considers himself as the biggest fan of GG.
He seems to be a bit too observatory and thus sees the eyes of the magician at the edge of the stage to perform the magic. Now, to the main plot and the climax. I wonder where he actually went and how he went there. Um... If I am not wrong, there is some sort of tunnel or something through which the person is transported to another place. Now here, it appears that the place is the maze. I don't know maze feels a bit odd for the purpose and also I couldn't understand why the people were blocking his way like that. The strangest thing is that that the people were not speaking. I had a feeling that some dolls were just positioned to terrify him.
Lastly, if it were meant for magic, they would have rescued him and showed to the audience but that didn't happen, I guess. This actually makes me think that they had some sort of dark and evil intentions twoard the person. . Maybe to kidnap him... That doesn't make much sense...
Overall, it was a bit confusing. We got an overview sort of thing about what happened but yoi have got to clarify it a bit.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hey there!
I read your story, And it was good. The voice you used was a good voice, though I thought it'd sound better in first person. It was paced rather well, I thought, but you left alot to be heard. What did it look like? Who is the narrator? Where is the narrator? What is anything? How does he seem to feel these presences? I don't know, because you, writer, didn't tell me. The language you used was good overall though, and I liked the piece.
I also found it interesting how you used the rain to symbolyze hopelessness. But still, why is he running? Who are these strange performers? Again, description is a powerful tool in writting.