Alicia had two hours until a car was coming to pick her up and take her away. Lindsey had arranged for the school system to receive a letter informing them that she had elected to participate in an elite pre-college program, and she would not need to complete her senior year. Alicia called the coffee shop and left a message, letting them know she had to leave on a moments notice, that they had been wonderful employers, that she was so sorry that she couldn't continue working there. Then, she went to the kitchen and made pancakes.
Madison woke to the smell and stumbled sleepily down the hall before plopping into her chair. She grinned, holding her head up with her hands as she watched her older sister make breakfast. Pancakes were a rare treat, so it must be a special day.
Once the entire house smelled like sweet dough and the stack of pancakes had reached a point where its structural integrity was in question, Alicia sat down at the table with her sister and began eating. They ate together in silence, Madison's brain dulled by sleep and Alicia's occupied with the news she was going to have to deliver. Both ate until their stomachs hurt and their fingers were sticky with syrup. By the third pancake, Madison had given up on utensils and was shoving the cakes into her mouth with her hands. Alicia let her. Finally, Alicia spoke up.
"You remember what I said last night, that whenever we can help people, we should?"
Madison nodded, her mouth was still full. She made an exaggerated swallow, then nodded again. Her brown eyes were wide and serious.
"Well, I have the chance to help a lot of people," Alicia said. She was staring down at the paper napkin in her lap. "But it means that I'll have to go away for a long time. You and mom will be ok, you'll be more than ok. But I have to leave."
Madison just stared. Her brow had drawn together, and Alicia could see her processing the words.
"Ok," Madison said, then got up from the table and walked back to her room. Alicia didn't move. She didn't know what to do. But Madison was coming back now, holding something in her syrup-sticky hand. "Take Nancy."
She thrust a small stuffed elephant into Alicia's lap. Alicia felt tears prickling in her eye. Nancy the elephant was Madison's favorite stuffed animal. She had bare patches where her fake fur had been rubbed away over the years, and all the stuffing in her middle have been squeezed out from countless hugs. She was Madison's most prized possession.
"Madison, I can't take Nancy," Alicia said. The tears were coming now, rolling silently down her cheeks. "You need her here."
"I'll have mom, and I have other animals," Madison said sagely. "But you're leaving. You won't have anybody. Nancy will keep you company."
"I love you so much," Alicia gasped through sobs, crying in earnest now. She pulled Madison into a hug. "I'll miss you so much. I'll be back, I promise. And you can take the day off school, we'll go to the park. We can go swimming together."
Madison helped Alicia pack, but in the end she only filled her old duffel bag. She didn't need to bring much. Alicia did leave behind the laptop. She showed Madison how to boot it up, and told her if she ever had any problems, she should just type them in here. By the time she was ready to leave, her mother was still asleep. She left a letter explaining her situation, and outlining the new housing arrangement. At exactly 8'o clock, a silver sedan pulled up in front of their house.
"I know you'll be good," Alicia said, hugging Madison. "Remember to take your medication. And look after mom. I'll be home in a month. That's only 28 days."
Madison nodded. Her face was serious as always, but Alicia could see her bottom lip quivering.
"I love you. Don't forget about the computer. I'll call you every day." The car outside beeped. Alicia gave Madison one last hug. "I'll always come back."
Madison waved from the front steps as Alicia walked to the sidewalk. The passenger side window rolled down, revealing a woman in the drivers seat.
"Alicia Stevens, get in," She said. Her voice was smooth and deep, the kind of voice you'd hear narrating a perfume commercial.
Alicia turned back one last time, waving to Madison who was still in her pajamas, before getting in the car. Once inside. she had a better look at the woman sitting next to her. She looked more like a girl, maybe two or three years older than Alicia. She had brown skin and straight black hair that was pulled up into one of the messiest buns Alicia had ever seen. Her face was square-jawed, with hollow cheeks and eyes hidden behind sunglasses.
"Winona," she said, reaching across to shake Alicia's hand as she pulled away from the curb. "I know who you are. Welcome to the team."
"You’re the tech expert," Alicia said, glancing around the car surreptitiously. She wasn't sure what she expected to find.
"That's me. Hardware anyways," Winona said, whipping down the quiet street. "And I do the driving whenever necessary. We got about forty-five minutes before we get back to base, so feel free to get comfortable. Nice black eye."
“You should see the other guy,” Alicia said.
“You’ll fit right in,” Winona said, smiling.
--
It took about a half an hour to get to their final destination. Winona was a very fast driver. She also wasn’t much of a talker. Questions got one or two-word answers, unless they were about mechanics. Mostly, she drank coffee and concentrated as she zipped around other cars on the interstate. Alicia passed the time envisioning what the base might look like. In her head, it was an ultra modern lineless cement building with one-way windows and an underground bunker in case of emergency. The parking lot out front was full of fancy cars with hidden specialties, and the defense system could take out a small army.
She was confused when Winona pulled to a stop in front of a large single family home. They had been driving through the suburbs for a while, but Alicia assumed it was a diversionary tactic. There was no way the base could be something this ordinary. The house was brown, with white trim and big, wide windows. Dormer windows dotted the roof. The lawn was impeccable, and to top it all off, a neatly painted mailbox proclaimed the address for all to see.
“This is it?” Alicia asked, hoping she would be told it was just a pit stop.
“What, you were expecting something more covert?” Winona asked. She removed her sunglasses and Alicia could see the laughter in her eyes. “Well, this is as covert as it gets. We blend in perfectly, and the neighbors love us. In fact, we just hosted our first monthly pot luck.”
Alicia’s face fell. This was not the ass-kicking secret agent team she had in mind. Winona saw her disappointment and nodded.
“I had the same reaction. It doesn’t seem as fun when you don’t have a cool secret headquarters. But don’t worry,” she hopped out of the car, turned back to Alicia and winked, “We have a basement that definitely violates the housing code, and maybe a few weapons regulations as well. Now come on, everyone has been dying to meet you.”
Alicia got out of the car and hoisted her bag on her back. Winona was already walking up the neatly laid stone pathway. Alicia slammed her door and ran to catch up. The front door swung open as soon as Winona touched it.
“Fingerprint scanners,” she said to Alicia’s questioning look. “We may look normal, but we still have cool toys. Your prints will work too, Lindsey took them from your police records.”
The inside of the house was as normal as the outside. It smelled like lemon pledge and air freshener. The side tables and bookshelves were artfully decorated with knick knacks, and the golden hardwood floors were meticulously clean. Spotless white carpet covered the stairs that led to an upper level, and Alicia could see a coffee pot, half full and presumably left over from breakfast, sitting on the kitchen table.
“Where is everyone?” she asked, suddenly realizing she didn’t know how many ‘everyone’ meant.
“Well, it’s mid-morning, so the basement. Upstairs is a work-free zone, in case we have any surprise visitors drop by. I’ll show you your bedroom later, but let’s see the fun stuff first. You can drop your bag anywhere,” She made a vague arm gesture, and Alicia set her bag under the foyer table. “Now, let’s go see the real party.”
Winona led her through a door on the main hall and down a set of stairs. The basement looked perfectly normal, with a pool table, television, and huge armchairs. Alicia didn’t want to admit that the furniture alone probably cost more than her entire house.
Winona kept going, pulling Alicia to a door at the back of the room. She opened it, revealing a linen closet full of extra blankets and towels. She placed her hand on an unremarkable stretch of wall, and the shelves swung away, revealing a second staircase.
“Cliche, I know,” Winona said, ignoring Alicia’s giddy grin. “But it works. Guests don’t really dig around in your linen closet.”
This set of stairs was not carpeted. They were stainless steel, and as Alicia descended, the room below inched into sight. It was exactly like what she had been dreaming up on the car ride over. The main room had four hallways leading off to either side, and a huge system of monitors covering the far wall. Alicia could see one of the cameras showing a view of the front door, but the others were unidentifiable. The desk below was covered in coffee mugs and papers, with a keyboard sitting in the place of honor at the center. Someone sat in a chair facing the intimidating system, fingers clacking on the keyboard.
“Lindsey, you’re reinforcing stereotypes about young people and their electronics,” Winona said, her voice playfully scolding. “You should at least turn around to meet our newest member.”
The chair spun, and Alicia saw who she had been talking to over the screen. Lindsey had a wide face and small, pointed chin. Her brown hair was cut off in a blunt bob, and she had a tiny nose ring. She broke into a smile, making her face even rounder.
“Sorry, I just get sucked in,” she rose from her chair and crossed to Alicia, pulling her into a hug. Alicia stiffened. She was not a hugger, but Lindsey did not give up. “I’m so glad you’re here. Winona didn’t kill you on the drive over?”
“No, it’s great, everything’s great,” Alicia stammered, still staring at the computer system over Lindsey’s shoulder. “What is that?”
“That is my workstation,” Lindsey beamed proudly. “It’s how I found you, all everyone else for that matter. But come on, you have so much more to see than just my computer. Where’s Michael and Bree?”
The question didn’t seem to be directed at anyone in particular. Lindsey took her by the hand and dragged her through one of the doorways. Inside was a slightly less impressive computer system and what looked like an operating table. Alicia cataloged that in the list of questions she had to ask later.
“This is Michael,” Lindsey said, pointing to the table. It took Alicia a moment to notice the person crouched behind it, fiddling with one of the legs.
“Hello,” the boy stood, sticking out his hand across the table. He looked to be around Alicia’s age, with blond hair and blue eyes. “I do most of the communications. And any medical, if it is necessary.”
“It’s not necessary very often,” Lindsey admonished, shooting Michael a look. “Do you know where we can find Bree? She’s our last stop before we get Alicia settled into her room.”
“Training,” Michael said gloomily. “It’s all she does now. She’s going to hurt herself one of these days.”
“I think you’d better be the one to tell her that,” Winona said, “she won’t listen to me. I’ve told her time and again that going too hard for too long will only hurt her joints.”
“Yeah, and you’re the model of health,” Lindsey said, rolling her eyes. “You live off energy drinks and doritos. Let’s find Bree. I need to have a word with her anyways.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Winona asked, waggling her eyebrows.
“Not like it’s any of your business,” Lindsey said, but there was no sting to her words.
The walked back through the main room and through another door. As soon as it opened, the sound of blows hitting a punching bag. Alicia grinned. This was what she had signed up for.
The girl inside the room looked wild. She was covered in sweat, her curly red hair fighting as hard as she was to escape its ponytail prison. Her arms and legs were sinewy and strong, a different kind of muscle than Alicia’s stout and slightly pudgy arms. This muscle could only come from working every day, nonstop. She hadn’t noticed when the others entered the room. It wasn’t until Lindsey touched her on the shoulder that she removed her earbuds and gave Alicia an imperial gaze.
“Bree, this is Alicia,” Lindsey said, ignoring Bree’s obvious disdain in hopes it would disappear. “Alicia, this is Bree. She’ll be your partner on combat missions.”
“We talked about this,” Bree said, not looking at Alicia. “I don’t want a partner. I don’t need a partner. And I’m certainly not taking the time to train an amateur like her. I’m better off going out alone.”
With that, she turned and stalked out of the room.
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Hello there! I'm here to rescue this poor chapter for the green room ~! I do want to apologize for not reading previous chapters and any questions that may've been answered previously.
That being said, I followed this rather nicely, which I can admire from a work! It's really nice when you can read and follow a chapter like its own little story within the novel, while the overall on-goings make sense, even if the little details don't. As well, as I read this, I found it flowed nicely and it was a steady read for me ^^
One thing that I did feel was a little lacking was the emotion in the narration. As I was reading, I didn't really feel much of a connection with a narrator as she went about this transition. For instance, I feel it should have been a sweet, heart-felt moment between Alicia and Madison in the beginning half, but quite honestly, I didn't feel anything for it. If anything, the actions were going, but not much feeling to back it up. And I don't mean you have to go with anything super over the top with cliches about emotions, but an extra little thing for us to empathize more would make it perfect.
(It was indeed very sweet, showing some great characterization of the relationship between the two~)
Also, it feels like perfect moments of some extra emotion or just something extra were passed over by a brief summary. Something like the car ride could have been a great place to learn about this new Winona character. Rather than us being told "she didn't talk much" show us this, whith Alicia trying to ask her questions and then the awkward silences that would follow. Show us how Alicia would react to those pauses! Any chance of characterization should be taken!
Plot-wise, I'm certainly interested, and I might even go back to the beginning if I get the chance!
Happy writing,
~ Wolfe
Salutations, ehobby1465!
Sorry this took FOREVER, but I'm here now and ready to review.
Oh, and this too, her curly red hair fighting as hard as she was to escape its ponytail prison. HOW, EHOBBY? HOW???

I'm sure you're probably tired of hearing this and just want to me to get on with actual critiques, but I don't think I can say it enough that you are a master with description and detail. I loved, loved your description of Winona's voice. the kind of voice you'd hear narrating a perfume commercial. I mean come on, to come up with something that brilliant is truly impressive. I certainly know I've never come up with something like that, lol, something that gives the perfect description without need of anything else ever again. The way you described her appearance, too, was basically flawless. HOW AND WHERE did you get so good??!! Like really, did you take a class or something? . . . . I bet you were just born with it, damn. Now I don't know whether to hate you or fangirl over you. xD
Okay, so, anyway, the scene at the breakfast table was ADORABLE and very well written. I felt sad reading it, though probably because I have a little sister too and if I was leaving and she gave me her stuffed animal, I would most definitely burst into tears. That was just so sweet. <3 The reason I'm bringing this up though--other than to tell you you're awesome--is because I didn't feel that Alicia was all that upset. Yes, you told us that she was sad, you told us that tears were rolling down her cheeks, but I just didn't FEEL it, you know? Most of the emotion that I felt came from the sweetness of Madison, not your protagonist. My suggestion is that you possibly tell us that Alicia's heart is aching, or that her stomach feels queasy--really anything other than she just cried. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't put that because you should, I just think that you should just add a little something else to make it feel more real, more alive.
Here is a nitpick and a mistake: "that she was so sorry that she couldn't continue working there." I think this would flow better if you added 'and' in front of 'that'. "Once inside. she had a better look at the woman" The period should be a comma.
I think I'm falling in love with your book. xD I'm not even kidding. With each chapter I feel more and more attached to what's going on and to your plot and characters. I really, really hope that you don't decide to stop until it's finished, because this is truly brilliant. Now, I don't say this lightly, but this reads like something I could have just picked up in the library or bookstore. I'm not even kidding. Your pacing, your writing, your plot, and your characters, everything just feel so polished and nice, it's really remarkable. Amazing, amazing just ehobby.
- BookWolf
AAAA I'm grinning from ear to ear right now. Thank you so much for your review. I've written four other manuscripts (which might be where I learned description?) but I've never been brave enough to share any until now. Thank you so much for your support, it really helps me.