Lost hope

You have great imagery flooding through every line of your poem. I love how some poets write something the reader can relate to, It can be the most made up, surreal, darkest poem ever written, but putting down the emotions you had written changes everything. Again amazing imagery such as "creeping back after a stormy rainbow, falling hard on a cold road, and left on a cold ground all messed up." I felt the chill just clawing at my chest because I know how that hopelessness can get the best of us. You feel shattered, but no one ever wants to pick up the pieces, they just walk by. Great job this poem will claw at me for life now! XD Hope you keep writing, a rock on! \('0')/

Your poem was well written. You write in an understandable way, so everyone can understand.
In addition, I feel like a lot of people can relate to feeling like there is no hope.
I know I can for sure.
But there is always hope in the midst of the dark nights
You did a great job though
Keep writing!!!

Hi there here to review.
Well for a poem it is very well written. The picture you have drown is a hard cold picture one with no hope, no light. The young man is ultimately lost. The light has gone away and darkness now surrounds. To him he is so messed up that getting back up from a fall is pointless. There is nothing that he can do now. He is lonely there is no one there...

On a Sid note I feel very bad for this boy, and I would pray that he would cry out to Jesus so that he could be restored back to the light a heavenly home. He would never feel lonely again. Hope and peace may return to him.

But other than that it is again a very good poem, can not wait to see some more writings!

Hello there and welcome to the YWS! *hands basket of goodies* I'm Sarah, and I'm here to review for ya.
Now, reviewing poems is a bit hard for me, since I myself have only written one like, ever, but I'll try my best.

First, I'm going to try to break down the story and/or concept.
What I'm getting from this is a lonely person who's spirit is being drifted away from Heaven. It's soul is now a cold, dark and empty space, wondering around searching for light, to no avail. I'm getting a hard 'Abandoned by life' vibe from the theme, which I personally think is a unique story to talk about.

I like the words you used, however, they seemed a bit awkward and out of place sometimes. For instance, "Feeling my body fill with fright" I think the word 'fill' could be replaced with something more metaphoric. It gives the poem that spiritual feel you are trying to convey.

Also, I think your structure could be improved on. The lack of punctuation use makes it look just a tad sloppy. It seems like a complete run-on sentence and you always want great fluidity in a poem like this. I would suggest using your commas and periods as the end your lines to help it seem neater.

Speaking of neat, I would highly suggest skipping lines. The way you structured it makes it look a bit crammed and jumbled up. You'd be surprised as to how many people enjoy reading poetry better if the structure is eloquent.

Now that my nitpicks are over, time for the overall review.

I liked it a lot! You gave me a nice visual to follow along to and I loved the feelings you portrayed to the reader (I applaud you on that one!). Your writing is great, just fix those few things and you'll be on the road to amazing poetry! Happy writing, my friend.