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Love is Endless

by drew89

LOVE is endless

Just like a flower yes it fades but it comes right back to say here I am see me with vibrant colors. 

"Love is endless like flowers that keep on blossoming day and night 
It is beautiful like flowers with different clors and it is growing everyday
like flowers abundant in the garden 
I give My love to you handfuls of tiny white blossoms in the golden-brown rivers of your hair"   

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Points: 910
Reviews: 4

Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:47 am
leaseal says...

first off I want to say I like the idea you have. Now that you have edited it flows a lot better. you need to go back over this because some words are miss spelled.

good job keep writing :)

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Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

Sat Feb 09, 2013 3:25 pm
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...

I enjoyed reading this poetry, but I have a few comments. The use if the word flower, while unique becomes repetitive. Try to think of another word to spice it up a bit. I like how you did away with the typical love cliche, however I have some questions.

I don't exactly understand the last stanza. You say, "how many gardens do you grow in each flower". What does that mean? Can you elaborates bit on that? The flower imagery is beautiful, perhAps you can compare it a river or something. I think that Beowulf be just as beautiful. :-)

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96 Reviews

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Reviews: 96

Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:06 pm
noninjaes wrote a review...

A quick and brief review here for you today.

You've certainly started off with an interesting idea. Though frankly, the constant referrals to both love and flowers became rather annoying and uninteresting. It makes it bland and repetitive. If you're desperate to keep the constant theme of flowers, I recommend maybe comparing different aspects of love to different parts of a flower.

There are some good attempts at similes within this poem, but it could really use some work. The all-caps of the word "love" every time it appears is also pointless and annoying.

The second stanza just sort of threw away what little good there was in the first stanza. The constant use of questions and the obvious lack of basic editing really turns me off the poem. Try turning some of the questions into rhetorics. Also, the repetition of the first line of the stanza at the end makes it seem like you ran out of things to say.

These are some basic suggestions for edits:

Love is endless
like flowers that keep on blossoming day and night
love is beautiful
like flowers with diffeferent colors
love is growing
like flowers abundant in the garden
love is to give away
like flowers from my hand to yours

If love is a flower
how many gardens grow your flowers?
how flowers grow in your gardens.
with brilliant colours
what stories do they tell?
maybe stories of love and flowers.

As another note, I recommend adding more grammar to the poem besides the basic question marks and full stops, but that is up to you.

In conclusion, a brave attempt at a poem, but you could certainly use more practice. Don't take this too harshly, I'm only saying this to help. So as always, keep writing.
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

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861 Reviews

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Reviews: 861

Fri Feb 08, 2013 5:19 am
Morrigan wrote a review...

Hi there, Drew.

This is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I like how you try to take a cliche image of love and use it in different ways to represent love. Kudos.

However, there are some serious issues with the poem. The way you repeat "LOVE" is not working at all. It beats the reader over the head with it, as if you thought the reader needed to be reminded of what you were speaking.

Also, I think that you should lengthen the poem, and take at least one stanza to elaborate on each image you're trying to reinvent.
Add more images to the ones that you've already presented. Let me give you an example.

LOVE is to give away
like flowers from my hand to yours

That's what you have right now. If you infused it with more images, it could be more vivid. Here's my take on it.
I give my love to you
in handfuls of tiny white blossoms
placed in the golden-brown rivers
of your hair.

Now, obviously, this isn't your style (and isn't written particularly thoughtfully or well), but it has more images, yes? Which brings me to my next point. If you bring in another person and make this poem not only about love, but about YOUR love, the reader will have more of an emotional connection with this poem. Give the people a person, and they'll feel more like a person (if that makes sense).

I'm not a big fan of the second stanza or the ending. By asking all these questions, I feel like you're interrogating the reader. If you state these things, and perhaps add one question at the end, it would feel less antagonistic. The last line feels unfinished. It's probably because it is a sentence fragment, and you don't want to end anything on a sentence fragment. If you're going to keep the last line mostly as it is, at least omit the "if" in front of love.

And paste this into a word document; you have many spelling errors.

I hope that this review was helpful. Happy poeting!

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662 Reviews

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Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:02 am
dogs wrote a review...

Hello Drew! Dogs here with your review today! ok so this is a nice piece, certainly a little bit of an overused topic but you put a new spin on it that makes it stand out a bit from the other thousands of poems about love. Before I start on the review I'd just love to say WELCOME TO YWS! I hope enjoy your stay here :) If you ever need anything you can give me a pm. Alrighty lets get to it shall we?

Firstly, I do not like the repetition of "love." Repetition can be used effectively in poetry but rarely because when you repeat stuff, you run the risk of becoming predictable and therefore killing the excitement the reader takes in reading your piece. Also, try at all cost to avoid use all caps on any sort of word. It just looks sloppy.

Moving on, what this piece really needs in some more imagery. I want to see the flowers that grow in your garden, I want to see love as a flower. Those are the things that I want you to create as a writer, you need to make the reader see the painting you create with your words. Without imagery poetry especially loses its power and leaves the reader blind to what you're trying to create.

So this is a good piece but in need of work. #1 : add more imagery. That's the most important thing. #2 : try to cut out your repetition. It doesn't add anything to your poem. Let me know if you ever neeed a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032

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Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:42 am
musicgirl5001 wrote a review...

Hey there,

Musicgirl5001 here! Alright so this might be a very short review or it might be a long one I don't know. Okay let's begin. First of all you spelled different wrong. Sorry, I just had to get that part out of the way because it was kind of bothering me.
I like how you really emphasis the word Love, but I think you kind of overdid it.
I somewhat got the poem, but not completely.
I didn't really get the last stanza. What does that mean?
Another thing is that I think you should add a little more to the poem because the ending in this poem is kind of strange. Alright so that's it really.

Peace out,

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695 Reviews

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Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:47 am
Audy wrote a review...

Hey Drew,

I just wanted to welcome you to YWS as I see you're relatively new :3 I do hope that you like it here, and srrsly, if there's anything that you need help on, let me know. Thanks also for posting your stuff. Let's take a look at it shall we?

I don't really like the capitalization of love for every line, or the repetitive "like flowers" echoing. To me it got tedious, like a scratching record player repeating the same thing over and over, and there's no real reason or meaning for love to be all capitalized, or if there is meaning, then it didn't come across. Though, I do appreciate your experimentation with forms and how you changed it up a little in that last stanza.

One thing though, you'll want to check for spelling and grammar errors. Throughout this poem there were no punctuations, which would've been fine, except that you had question marks inserted near the end, and I figured, if you're going to include question marks, you might as well keep it consistent and include periods and commas as well! Proper punctuation/spelling in poems just help with your credibility as a poet. People aren't going to take your poems seriously if they see typos littered through it. So always proofread before you post!

what stories are they telling ?

This is my favorite part of the poem, and it's one of my pet peeves where people pose interesting questions in poems and don't go into answering them. I think this question would've made for an interesting poem in and of itself. The stories of flowers, I'd like to hear that!

I wish you luck with your writing endeavors. Let me know if you want to chat this piece over, or if you have any questions.

~ as always, Audy

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Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:39 pm
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi Drew and welcome to YWS! Now, love is something people write about a lot, because we all have our own experiences with it. That means a lot of imagery related to love becomes cliche, so a poem related to love has to do something with it.

Now, I think you try to do that here. You talk about love as flowers (overdone), but at least you use that image in different ways. I think you could build on those images. What do these flowers look like? Are they vibrant or have their colors faded? Do they smell good or do they stink? You asked me at the end what stories these love-flowers are telling. Why don't you, the poet, tell me about your love stories? That would be more interesting to me.

On a side note, there's several typos in here, so proofread before you post next time.

Overall, the idea here's not bad, but it could be stronger with more unique flower/love images and more personal touches. Welcome again and keep writing! :)

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown