a leaf's life and yours

Hi! I really liked this piece. It's lovely tying in a person's life and a leaf's life. Flawless. I glanced through the previous reviews and saw people had already helped you with dividing it into lines and pointing out the grammatical mistakes that I noticed, so I won't bug you with that. I just wanted to say that I really, really liked this piece. Great job!

Thanks guys! ya I wasn't sure how to put it into lines but thank you for the help I really needed it!

A Leaf's life and yours...

Your life is like a leaf. It starts out so bright and green, hopeful. combine the first two sentences, and replace "so bright and green" it's weak
Then life gets harder and the weather gets cold,
you change your colors from green to gold. I agree with them before me, some more detail here and it's cool.

From gold to brown you fall;
get trampled by the feet of the enemy. Uh, I don't know, it's kind of random, you know, there's nothing before or after it about "the enemy" maybe add something
Your life gets harder before it gets better,
because there goes fall; we’re into winter. Eliminate the "your" and change the second line to something like "because now fall gives way to winter", or something like that

The season seems to go on forever, good line
life is hurting you like it should never. bad line ,
Then here comes spring,
a start of new beginnings. Cliche, write a line with the same meaning, but just a different conotation

You're back on the tree;
in life you're winning. Leave Charlie Sheen outa this! Weak line
Yet you’re still recovering from the harsh cold,
so you’re not all together but you're starting to grow. good line

From a bud on a limb, to beautiful leaf, get rid of the first "a" and then add and "a" after "to" find a better word for "beautiful"
the cycle starts all over again, first hope then grief.
Your life is hard but it has plenty; better line
of love and joys there are many. eh

Yet you will fall and be trampled,
snow will come down and turn you numb.
It’s a vicious cycle that turns, eh
but if a leaf can do it, you can learn.

Sorry if i was a bit blunt, i really liked this idea, and you resolved it real well, but you need imagery and better word choice, this either needs to be shorter or longer my computer is really being weird right now, just message or wall me if you need anything...

First off, I like the...leafy topic, and it was written nicely enough. You definitely need to put this into stanzas, or lines or something to make it easier to read, and whatnot.

dragonlover92 wrote:A Leaf's life and yours...

Your life is like a leaf. It starts out so bright and green, hopeful.
Then life gets harder and the weather gets cold,
you change your colors from green to gold. Cute beginning, but you could add a little more imagery instead of just telling us your life is like a leaf...

From gold to brown you fall;
get trampled by the feet of the enemy.
Your life gets harder before it gets better,
because there goes fall; we’re into winter. Again, I think you could spice up the imagery a bit, and also, in this last line, there needs to be some sort of puctuation between 'fall' and 'we're'. You could use (;) (-) (...) or even a period. Even with punctuation, this reads weird. Not sure why.

The season seems to go on forever,
life is hurting you like it should never.
Then here comes spring,
a start of new beginnings.

You're back on the tree;
in life you're winning.
Yet you’re still recovering from the harsh cold,
so you’re not all together but you're starting to grow.

From a bud on a limb, to beautiful leaf,
the cycle starts all over again, first hope than grief.
Your life is hard but it has plenty;
of love and joys there are many. 'Many' implies more then one, so 'joy' needs to be 'joys'.

Yet you will fall and be trampled,
snow will come down and turn you numb.
It’s a vicious cycle that turns,
but if a leaf can do it, you can learn.

Okay, so I liked this. Your topic was really awesome. I never really thought about comparing my life to a leaf's. A very non-cliche approach to life.

HOWEVER, if this is a poem, you really, really have to divide this into lines! Otherwise it's just a well-developed paragraph. Here's how I would divide this:

dragonlover92 wrote:Your life is like a leaf.
It starts out so bright and green,
hopeful.

Then life gets harder
and the weather gets cold,
you change your colors from green to gold.
From gold to brown you fall
and get trampled by the feet of the enemy.

Your life gets harder before it gets better,
because there goes fall we’re into winter.
The season seems to go on forever,
life is hurting you like it should never.

Than here come spring a start of new beginnings,
your back on the tree and in life your winning.
Yet you’re still recovering from the harsh cold,
so you’re not all together but your starting to grow.

From a bud on a limb to beautiful leaf,
the cycle starts all over again,
first hope than grief.
Your life is hard but it has plenty
of love and joy there are many.
Yet you will fall and be trampled,
snow will come down and turn you numb.

It’s a vicious cycle that turns,
but if a leaf can do it you can learn.