As I sit here by my favorite window,
Looking out at the world.
The world that is now soaked,
With the water of the sky.
I jump at the sound of thunder.
My heartbeat gets almost as loud as the thunder,
Feels like it is about to tare through my chest.
I look up at the sky
Watching as the water falls from the open sky.
I wonder what it would be like to be on of those drops,
To fall from the sky along with a million others.
I see one hit my window
I watch it slowly slid down my window along with two others
I act as if it is a race, and i cheer mine on.
Mine wins and I smile and look back to the gray sky.
I see in the distance something bright,
It cuts through the sky.
Like a knife to warm butter.
It's amazing and beautiful
Looking in 'aww' for a few seconds
Than the beauty is gone from the sky
I count 1 second at a time after it's gone,
"Count till the thunder strikes,"
My grandfather would always said,
"Than you know how far away the storm is."
I never got it since it was raining were I was.
But I counted just the same.
I counted so that I could see him there,
So that i could hear and remember him.
"5...6...7.." thunder
I've always liked storms
To see the rain give the world a bath.
To hear the thunder,
Heartbeat of the world.
The lighting, a personal flashlight for the world.
For when the clouds have covered the sky,
And no light is there.
I think of all this as I sit,
By my favorite window, looking out at the world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Okay, now I have top proof-read my own review... I just made some spelling errors I wanted to correct. Sorry...
I think 'closly' is 'closely', 'vary' is 'very', 'spleeing' is 'spelling'. Sorry if it made things confusing!
Again, well done with your poem!
<..> Kat
I liked the feeling to this piece, and how you put so many thoughts and description into a simple scene of sitting by the window, letting us know how you feel and the things you're thinking. There was really some nice descriping here.
These were some of my favorite lines.
The main thing I noticed that jarred the poem a little was so many repetitive words, used so closly together.
'World' and 'world'.
'Thunder' and 'thunder'.
'Sky' and 'sky'.
'My window' twice here.
Okay, for grammer, I'm not vary good at proof-reading, but here a a couple of things that caught my attention.
I think the correct spleeing here is 'tear', not 'tare', although I could be mistaken.
Capitalize 'I' here.
I think you can switch 'aww' with awe.
I would put 'one' here instead of '1', but that's just me. it might flow better.
Capitalize 'I' again.
Well, that's the only things I noticed. Otherwise, it was a good poem with a nice feel to it. Good job!
<..> Kat