I have waited for this day,
I've waited forever it seems.
I gulp down my fear,
Get out of the car.
Walking up to the house I feel ill,
Clammy hands, butterflies, can't breathe.
I reach up and knock on the door,
Seems like days before it opens.
I say my hello's and come in.
I know they are wondering why,
Why I'm here and why I'm nervous.
"Well what is it?", one asks,
Both looking so intently as I speak;
"I...I've come here to ask you..."
I manage to stumble out.
Still looking at me, I try to finish,
"To ask if I may have,"
Almost unable to end.
"If I may have your daughter's hand?"
Looking at both of them with hope,
I see their eyes widen;
And their mouths get full with smiles of joy.
"Welcome to the family, son"
One encouragingly says
"Thank you!"
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
I like this. It's really sweet and it made me think how bad it must be for the guy proposing. From the title, I thought that the person would be proposing to the daughter, but I guess I was wrong. It would be nice maybe if you expanded the poem a bit, putting in the verse about asking the daughter? But then that might be a little bit repetitive... so I guess it is best not to.
I do not have any complaints on this poem, and I have to say my favourite line was the last one when the parents say 'welcome to the family son.'
Good job!
Deanie x
This is good, but I think I have a few tips to make it better. The syllabic balance is good, and the voice of the narrator seems genuine, although I think that this belongs in the category of dramatic poetry. Using figurative language is always good in poetry, like when you said you had butterflies, and I really think you could spice it up with a little bit more of it. Maybe compare your fear and nervousness to the feeling somebody has before the first day at a new job, that kind of thing, metaphors and similes. Anyway, keep it up, and I hope my review helps.