The secluded village of Augury harbored the soothsayer from the Dark Lord. That was until inspiring speeches turned to rasping final gasps, childrens laughs turned into weeping, promises of returning turned into guttural screams, and the hag’s fortunes turned into demands to stop.
“What is this about a chosen one?” The Dark Lord’s third-in-command Wraith hopped around. “Spill your guts!”
“Calm yourself, Wraith.” The second-in-command Ataraxy put out a calming hand. “Treat our potential friend with respect.”
The hag foamed. “Your precious leader will die. You will soon follow him. Death will not be kind to you. It will...”
“That is not very polite.” The Dark Lord’s thundering steps silenced the soothsayer. “I want you to answer a few questions.”
“You shall die because of the chosen one.”
“Normally, I will ask a question before you give an answer. For example, who is the chosen one?”
“I will never tell you.” The hag spat on the Dark Lord’s boots.
“I will try another question. Where is the chosen one?”
The soothsayer stared with furrowed brows.
“Answer the question.”
The hag spat again on the Dark Lord’s boots.
“You answer the question and you will save everyone who is still alive.”
The hag studied the ground.
The Dark Lord pointed to Wraith. “Gather the remaining villagers and put them in front of the soothsayer.”
“NO!”
“Then answer the question.”
“DON’T!!!”
Thirteen injured and begging villagers were brought in front of the teary eyed future seer.
“Who should we start with?” The Dark Lord paced behind the villagers. The Dark Lord grabbed a handful of an old man’s silver hair. “What is your name?”
“Mathew,” his voice slightly quivered.
“Answer the question or Mathew here dies.”
The ground beneath the hag moistened.
“NO! Don’t kill my father, please.” A young woman with freshly mixed matched hair pleaded.
“What is your name?”
“Don’t please. Not my father.”
The Dark Lord held her pleading hands. “I will not harm your father.”
“Thank you. Thank you.”
“Your name?”
“Claria.”
“Ok. Thank you, Claria.” The Dark Lord glanced at the soothsayer. “Claria, are you nervous?”
“Yes. Yes...” Claria stammered.
“Well, if the soothsayer over there answers my questions, I will guarantee your safety.”
Claria looked at the soothsayer through rivers of fear. “Just answer the question.”
“I am sorry.”
“See Claria, the hag does not care about you.”
“I can’t... for the greater good.”
“For the greater good!” The Dark Lord chuckled. “If you don’t tell who, I will just kill all the newborns. For the greater good would be to help me.”
“Please do it.” Claria’s eyes were red.
“You will not answer? Fine.” The Dark Lord pointed at Ataraxy. “Get the potions.”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
Ataraxy bossed around some of the soldiers. They brought forward a chest filled with crimson and pungent green vials. Ataraxy picked out one of each and gave them to the Dark Lord.
“Claria, are you thirsty?”
“What are those?” Her voice was shrill.
“Well, one turns a person’s inside into mush. That mush comes up and is replaced with rage. That person becomes a berserker that will fight until they die. The other is the antidote to my blade’s poison.” The Dark Lord brandished the blade Acrimony.
“I don’t want it.”
“You don’t have to drink either, but someone here does.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Well, you are gonna to do this because I am trying to torture her.” The Dark Lord pointed at the soothsayer. “I am torturing her through you.”
“I can’t pick. I am sorry.”
“I will help you. Who in this group do you not know?”
“Those... two.” Claria pointed at a child and an older woman.
The child wailed, “I am scared, Grandma.”
The Dark Lord sliced both of them then placed the vials in front of them. “Find which one is the antidote.”
The old lady scrambled and took both. She gave one to her shaking boy. “Take this if grandma dies. Ok, sweetly. Say you understand.”
“I understand.”
The soothsayer screamed, “The chosen one is hidden in the cave above the village. Which one is the antidote?”
“There is no antidote. The red is the berserker potion and the green is my favorite tea.”
The old lady’s and kid’s mouth foamed and they fell to the ground.
“Ok, men give the remaining villagers blankets and some bread. Set them on their way to the village of Fennderton. Then, we search the mountains.”
There was a cave used for burning sacrifices to the harvest god. After the chosen one's birth, the cave became hiding places for the chosen one, his parents, and two guards. That cave was soon found.
The Dark Lord’s minions blocked the caves entrance. The Dark Lord gave the command that “only I kill the chosen one.” The Dark Lord entered the cave. His metal boots on the stone echoed into the guards' nightmares. Their hearts crashed against their chestplate.
One guard ran at the Dark Lord while the other ran past the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord cut the back of the escaping guard’s leg. The guard crumpled to the ground. He crawled away with foam seeping from his mouth. While one guard died, the other shield bashed the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord drove his blade through the wooden shield then the flesh of the guard.
The mother cried and the father begged, but they both were skewered. In a blanket crib, the chosen one was waking from a nap.
The Dark Lord saw the punny baby and thought, “How is this gonna defeat me? It can not fight for years. It is not worth my blade.“ The Dark Lord’s gauntlet hovered over the chosen one. The baby grabbed a talon in his chubby hands. He nibbled it. In that moment, the Dark Lord understood why parents would lay down their lives to protect their kids.
The Dark Lord took off his helmet. The Dark Lord exited the cave cradling the chosen one.
“My Lord, is that you?” Wraith had never seen the Dark Lord’s face: no one had. “What happened?”
“I am keeping the baby.”
“That is the chosen one.” Wraith drew his dagger. “It must die for your rule to be endless.”
“Stand down Wraith.”
“It doesn’t make any sense. You are the Dark Lord. That is your death.” Wraith pointed at the giggling baby. “It must die.” Wraith pounced.
Wraith was run through with Acrimony.
“Anyone else have a problem?”
“No.” The Dark Lord’s minions were nervous. The Dark Lord had never killed one of his troops: especially not a commander.
Ataraxy stepped forward. “What now, my Lord?”
“The campaign is finished. You can return to your homes and families.”
Ataraxy stepped even closer and whispered, ”What about the chosen one?”
“I... I am going to raise him as my own.”
“Would you like help with that?”
“I trust you in war. I am gonna trust you in... Fatherhood? I am not ready, Ataraxy.”
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Yippee, first post
The secluded village of Augury seemed to have harbored quite the drama. From inspiring speeches to guttural screams, this place apparently had it all. And at the center of it all was none other than the Dark Lord and his army of minions.
Now, I don't know about you, but if the Dark Lord suddenly showed up in my village, I'd be packing my bags and getting out of there ASAP. But not the soothsayer from Augury. No, she decided to stick around and taunt the Dark Lord with her ominous predictions.
Of course, this didn't sit well with the Dark Lord or his minions. They wanted answers, damn it! And they were willing to threaten and torture their way to getting them. Not very diplomatic, if you ask me.
But things took an interesting turn when the soothsayer finally spilled the beans about a chosen one hidden in a cave above the village. The Dark Lord, being the megalomaniac he is, decided that only he should be the one to kill the chosen one. So, off he went to the cave, leaving his minions behind to deal with the aftermath.
And what was the aftermath, you might ask? Well, let's just say it involved a lot of foaming at the mouth and some green tea that definitely wasn't tea. Oh, and the Dark Lord decided to keep the chosen one and raise him as his own. Because nothing says "loving fatherly figure" like slaughtering your way to parenthood.
But hey, at least the Dark Lord's second-in-command, Ataraxy, offered to help him raise the baby. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with that?
All in all, not the happiest of stories. But it sure was an entertaining read.
Ho ho ho, curious mind!
Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my Christmas magic! 🎄
The Jolly-Good Stuff: 🍭
First of all, let's talk about the Holly Jolly parts that really rocked!
I am a big Harry Potter fan myself, this story was awesome!! I would definitely recommend you to continue writing this novel if that is what you want.
I finished reading Harry Potter And The Cursed Child yesterday, so when I read Augury in your title I immediately thought of the book.
This seems like a prologue to a great concept. Your dialogues are fitting for the characters, I do think the Dark Lords talking is humorous. Not sure if that is supposed to be the case, but if it is you did an Amazing job!!
The ending is really creative, I mean The Dark Lord is going to raise The Chosen One (I wanted to say Harry, but you didn’t place a name yet, so I don’t know if you are going for an entirely different storyline) The fact that he knows The Chosen One will kill him gives your story depth. I never liked Voldemort, but this story is making me want to give him a chance to redeem himself.
A little more elf-help needed over here:✒️
The following suggestions are merely to help you improve on your writing and not to offend you in any way. Feel free to skip these suggestions, if these are not what you aim for.
Because you’re talking about The Dark Lord, The Chosen One, Augury; this makes me think you are going for a Harry Potter fanfiction. In that case, I would suggest you change “fantasy” to “fanfiction”, because Harry Potter already exists.
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Over here I think given the time they are living in and the surroundings, I would suggest you say: The Dark Lord takes off his cloak, because helmet seems a little modern. If that was what you were aiming for, feel free to skip this suggestion.
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This last sentence is a little vague, I suggest you add some more clearance on what the Dark Lord means by that. If this was supposed to be that way and was going to be explained in later chapters, feel free to skip this.
If this was not going to be explained: Try to think/read as your reader; what does the Dark Lord mean by that? Why is he trusting a “servant”/sidekick to help him in fatherhood? Is Ataraxy his best friend?
Caroling Angels like the best!💐
This was my favourite part, because this really shows how evil The Dark Lord is. I am glad you kept the personality of him the same.
Overall Christmas does come to an end:
This is an awesome concept!! I would definitely suggest you continue this story if that is your wish. (I would be interested ^-^ ) You have a nice writing style along with great plot twists. Apart from adding some more clarifications, you did awesome!!
If I have this completely wrong and it’s not about Harry Potter, please correct me. =D
Be sure to go with Rudolph 🦌 and check out…📔🔖
If this was a Harry Potter feel you were going for here is an article you might want to check out: Draco Malfoy: The Unlikely Hero by @amayastatham
Don’t forget to join The Harry Potter Fan Club
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
Amazingly yours,
Thanks for the review!
I can understand how "the Dark Lord" can sound like Voldemort since he has the same title. It is not meant to be a Harry Potter Fan-Fic. I didn't think about it at the time, so thanks for your perspective. I am gonna to have to find a name (worst part of making an OC, but it fine).
I agree with your point on Ataraxy, the second in command, not having a fleshed out relationship or character in general. I will work on that for future chapters.
Hello friend!
Welcome to YWS! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.
Per my interpretation, this was a wonderful start to what I assume will be an amazing novel! It works as a wonderful hook to draw readers, like myself, in and make them excited for more.
What we know now is that there is a Dark Lord and a chosen one and that they are supposed to be enemies, but the Dark Lord found the chosen one while he was just a baby and decided to take him in, despite the advice of the people working for him.
This is an intriguing plot and something that I'm excited to see and follow as you post more chapters!
If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be related to the small time change in the middle of the story.
It goes straight from the Dark Lord talking to the hag directly to the mountain where the chosen one is, and it does it in kind of an awkward way.
I just feel like there should be more between these two paragraphs or a page break of some sort because it doesn't really transition too smoothly as it is.
But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.
If I had to pick my favorite part, it would definitely be the way you opened the story! It immediately pulls you in and makes you question what is going on.
On top of it being a wonderful hook and intro, there's a lot of amazing detail packed into just a few sentences, and that makes it a lot of fun to read, so kudos to you for starting your novel this way!
I also really like the way the Dark Lord immediately stepped into fatherhood at the sight of the child.
This did an incredible job of showing compassion in an otherwise evil person. He even went out of his way to kill one of his own men because they were trying to hurt the boy.
It just did a really good job of showing the depth of the character of the Dark Lord, and I thought it was really cool to read!
Overall, this was a phenomenal start to a novel! It works insanely well as the hook and introduces the main characters really well. This was a lot of fun to read, and I look forward to the upcoming chapters!
Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review was of some help to you or encouraging in any way!
Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!