Published January 21, 2009
THIS IS NOT MY WORK! MY FRIEND WROTE THIS, AND I AM PUTTING IT UP SO SHE CAN TELL WHETHER OR NOT TO THROW IT AWAY! I THINK IT IS GOOD BUT SHE DOES NOT BELIEVE ME! PLEASE COMMENT!
I feel so used up
So used up
It hurts to remember
Your sweet carres
Your sugary words
I was so unaware
Blissfully unaware
Of the barbs they held
Only now
That my heart is already covered
Do I realize
Your true intentions
To use me
Just a toy
So easily broken...
So easily destroyed...
Let's see you smile now
With the gun in my hand
I'll end it all
With one loud bang
It's done
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140,910 Literary Works • 673,728 Reviews
I'm locking this. It's site policy to post for others, so that kind of sucks, but site policy is site policy, no? ^^
)
If your friend wants reviews or comments, I encourage her to join YWS. I'm sure you can tell her that we don't bite... plus, we could make her go from throwing away poems (which she should never do!) to editing them and making them better. And that's really the awesome thing.
(And she should totally revise this poem, if she thinks it's horrible. It'll get prettier that way.
Anyway, locked. Hopefully, you can get your friend to join.
Oh wow. This was so full of emotion! I loved it! It flowed very nicely and had a deep thoughtful meaning. Just a few nitpicks;
Umm. What does this mean?
This just makes the poem run smoother.
Again, I loved the solemn mood of this. It was... astonishing. DON'T THROW IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell your friend to keep writing because this was great!
And, if she felt like adding a bit more these could make great lyric!
Peace, Love, and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody