nick looked at the road ahed of him it was brighter now and he could see stuff more clearly now and right when he was going to turn a man walked in front of him and nick was forced to cut the wheel and fall off. the man didnt even bother to help him he just walked away.
"ok then asshole" grumbled nick from under his breath and got back up on his bike then he went back to driving thinking about when he got home and laying in the bed and slowly falling to sleep that would be nice then somthing interupeted him there were tons of people walking to a young girl bretty good looking.
"help me ahhhhh" she yeld and then the people got closer and closer to her. thats when nick noticed somthing about the people somthing very freeky thay were bloody and were moning very loud thats when it his him they were zombies
"come on its a monday and now zombies are taking over the world" nick looked around for somthing to fight with he saw a bat it didnt look like it was going to last that long but it was going to have to work. nick was walking over when they saw him and started to walk torwards him thats when nick started to run.
there is alot more to the story and it is a siries it has 256 pages and is crazy good give me a coment on my page or email me at devin_bloyer@yahoo.com it is 10.00 dollars i have had sold 100 some copys so far and am very happy
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Uhh...well this almost sounds like it starts from the beginning of a chapter in this novel rather than the start here cause things kind of just seem to appear a bit out of nowhere....but uhh, well that's not necessarily bad, what this start does a bit wrong is that it comes off a bit clunky. It seems like it doesn't quite flow smoothly here, we've got this man coming out, there's a swerving and then getting up going home...and it just kind of jumps a few times here, with some gaps...that aren't clearly, you might want to take a second look there.
Uhhh...okay...well that escalated really fast there, oh dear, I can very safely say that I absolutely did not see that coming, its just boom we've got zombies and things are happening and people are running. Its a little bit off to be honest, it just accelerates so fast into the whole zombies thing with no warning whatsoever, and that earlier problem of the lack of flow continues through in this part tooo, you really need to look into that one here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello there! I wanted to give a quick review on this work of yours, as it never got a review at all!
It seems like this is a small section of a longer novel, which is a bit unfortunate, as this is pretty short and we're barely getting into the action. I wish we could get more description as to this whole scene -- where the setting is, if it's bright outside, is it during the day/afternoon, what does Nick look like? Just a few different pieces could really set up this current place nicely.
There are definitely a few typos, both misspellings and grammatical errors, which are easy enough to fix if you run the text in a word processor. Besides that, I think Nick's personality is shown a little bit here -- more would be great, especially when faced with what look like zombies chasing after him. An easy way to make a character unique is to think about how the dialogue might be varied compared to other characters that appear.
I think the ending works well as a mini cliffhanger, but there's no more text here to read, so I'm not sure how effective that was. Zombies would for sure terrify me, and I don't know if I could save anyone including myself. I think the tone was interesting, as Nick seems rather blasé about this whole thing, and I think the errors might have dissuaded readers because the overall idea of this could work nicely.