nick looked at the fan moving slowly over head the house was dim and the world outside seemed dark and dead but he got out of bed and put on his work outfit it was all white beside the back end were there was a mud stain from him driving home on his morcercicle. the time was 4:35 and it was silent he knew in a half an hour the cars would start to come and the peace would be gone. he opened the front door, the cold air was blowing in his face and it felt good like he was talking a shower he got on his bike and turned it on the rumbling started and he gave it some gas. it started to move and before he knew it he was.
on the road he gave it a little more gas and it went faster and faster to the point were he had to slow down after a while
End of chapter
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139,495 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...so uhhh...it is hard to see what exactly this is meant to be here....on one hand, it looks like this is meant to perhaps be the start to this novel, but it also reads a bit like an excerpt from a random section of a novel..so it really is a bit tough to say exactly what its meant to be here....anyway there's that...so moving into what goes in here, I'll try and judge it perhaps as an excerpt considering how short this is here.
So...the pacing is a bit off here, its rather rushed and it feels like the actions kind of just happen one after another, there isn't a good sense of flow to this piece here and that really makes this sound much worse than it is here...so I'd say you definitely need to give that a second look here. The actions here about to indicate this person is trying to get away from something which does seem to make a lot of sense given the title, but in this piece itself, we really don't get to see too much of a reason for that here. It just kinda happens out the blue. Soo yeah, this piece needs a bit of work here, it seems interesting, there certainly is quite some potential here, but yeah, at the moment, it has quite a few issues.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey,
this is an interesting start.
First, make sure you capitalize proper nouns, such as names and places. As well as the start to sentences.
Two, make sure you are spelling words correctly. I believe there is a automatic spell-check option somewhere...
Three, punctuation, make sure you are placing periods in the correct places. For instance, try reading the sentence in one breath. You should run out of air. Also, this should be a paragraph, but really, it's four sentences. It should be around double that.
Other than that, nice start. You should fix this, then keeping this in mind, write more. It will turn out amazing.
~Skye~
You seem about...8.
And that wasn't a hyperbole. I have a headache after reading that.
There was a ton of punctuation and spelling errors, and you had no detail.
Work on it.
Ummm a couple things to note my dear.
One you need to fix your grammar. It is kind of all over the place.
Two you need to fix your spelling errors.
Other than that good job!
How old are you?
Hey dpbmn190!
OK, so the first thing I noticed here is the punctuation errors. You don't have capital letters after full stops, commas and not enough full stops where needed. You also need to work on your sensory detail and descriptive language. This would make your writing a lot more effective as well as the correct punctuation. Because, people look at this and they won't even consider reading it if it dosent have correct punctuation. You also did a number of spelling errors, so I urge you to edit your work before you post it. But otherwise good start.
Jordan
One thing I notice right away is that there is no punctuation or capitolization. You should add punctuation to make pauses and the story more dramatic.
Also morcercicle sould be motorcycle.
When you say 4:45, do you mean AM or PM? It could be either one because of rush hour when people are trying to get home at night.
When you say:
You should probably say that he stopped before putting more gas in his motorcycle. Also, where does he get the gas?
You also say:
[quote]and before he knew it he was.[ /quote]
This sentance is incomplete.
I hope this.review doesn't come across as too harsh. I liked your story!
Sorry the second quote didn't work.
Also, sorry if there are any mistakes. It is very hard to type on a Kindle Fire.