Young Writers Society

mountain goats lyric title?? i didn't miss that.

anyway, i actually disagree with a lot of the reviews on this.

so, rome. i don't think this is actually about rome or the myth of the brothers, but i think it's definitely alluded to. romulus and remus were nurtured by this primal force before going on to build a civilization. that happens in this poem, but metaphorically. these two people are bonded by some force, and they go on to create a relationship of some kind. they both struggle with balancing their primal instincts and their more human, civilized selves. there is a very noticeable split.

it's very symbolic. i think that in this poem, rome is not only a symbol of civilization but also of the cycles of destruction and renewal as well. transformation is ongoing. people and places are always changing. this shows someone changing.

there is always
another month to come,
if not to hope for.

soon you will be running,
pounding strange limbs
into the earth,
chasing the porch lights
in the distance—

everything you used to be,
so small you could swallow it whole.

what is it if not a gift
to return to something
once more? mercy is in
the air tonight.

i really need points mb chat
This poem really captures the complex feelings of growing up and the deep connections we have with nature and ourselves. It starts off with a strong image of the moon, comparing its light to a toothache. This unique comparison suggests that while the moon can be beautiful, it also brings a sense of discomfort, like a reminder of something deeper inside us.

As the poem goes on, the speaker reflects on kindness found in pain, showing how we often carry our wounds with us. The idea of tallying the nightfalls feels like a way of measuring time, almost like counting the days we grow and change. There’s a sense of uncertainty in this ritual, which many teens can relate to as they figure out who they are.

The imagery of running and chasing porch lights is vivid and evokes a sense of freedom and exploration, which is such a big part of being a teenager. It represents the desire to break free from past versions of ourselves and to embrace change, even if it’s scary.

The closing lines are powerful, suggesting that returning to our roots or past experiences can feel like a gift. The word "mercy" adds a layer of hope, implying that amidst all the confusion, there’s beauty and relief in our journey.

Overall, the poem beautifully illustrates the struggles and transformations of growing up, blending imagery of nature with personal growth. It’s a poignant reminder that even in our hardest moments, there’s always a chance to reconnect with who we are.

iiiiii rlly need points but this is realllly good like it resonates really deeply with me.

Hmmmm...

Rome is a very special place to me so of course I had to read this poem and see what angle you were approaching with this poem. Were you going toward a Catholic tilt, since Rome is the home of the Catholic Church? Were you going towards the ancient Roman Empire at its height of Paganism, with its Great Patriarchy and Caesars ruling over all? Were you going for a modern Rome, with its mismatched pizzerias and souvenir shops everywhere?

Anyway! With all the wolf imagery, it seemed pretty clear that you were going with the image of the she-wolf suckling Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. The image is near ubiquitous, carved in the stonework of the ancient city and etched in the ancient murals. So, with this image of the she-wolf, it makes sense to have a wolf presence. So you have the old heart howling, the swallowing of everything you used to be (the mother of the twins?), the claw-curling, etc. It is very evocative of wolves.

And yet... your poem not very evocative of Rome or of the story of Romulus and Remus or of anything else that is remotely Roman. Rome is the literal home of the patriarchy, with its crazy family structures in which the Great Father, aka the Patriarch stood over all. You could play with the she-wolf imagery where the she-wolf is cast off and abandoned as soon as the boys grow strong enough to hold their own and she is running away, all while looking inside of the great city which she helped to build -- but is not a part of nonetheless. (That's kind of what I was expecting when I realized it was a wolf poem?) Yet, this poem looks like a wolf poem that could be set anywhere in the world. Without the title, it would not be apparent that you would be talking about Rome... there would only be a reference to wolves.

Like, you almost get close... you seem to reference the phrase "all roads lead to Rome" for the very last stanza when you say "what is it if not a gift to return to something once more?" Also, you seem to be hinting that perhaps something great was built? (Rome wasn't built in a day.) But you don't quite stick the landing because it so tenuous that I think you probably need to draw out your imagery more.

So... I would probably suggest that you stop and try to figure out what you want to say and how you want to say it. Your premise is reeeeally powerful because you're drawing off all these powerful things -- the image of the she-wolf. The founding of something great. And yet, the longing to run away... and to be welcomed back, if that makes sense? All of this is really powerful. Now, look at your themes and see if you can take advantage of your imagery to really pack a punch and put your words in such a way that you have all these rich allusions and references so that you really pull a punch.

Hope that helps! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Hello, this is Kelisot for another review (because I need points to publish something).

As of the first impression of the poem's title, the first thing that comes to mind is either the phrase "Rome wasn't built in a day" or the legendary tale Romulus and Remus, twin brothers who were said to have given birth of the civilization we know today as the Roman Republic/Empire. But such impression, although impact, will not be much relevant as in suggesting, criticizing, and praising this art.

The poem has an "unorthodox" choice of putting the words in all lowercase and cutting in mid-sentence, despite it having punctuation at proper places (although if I were to write it, I might have put commas in some places, although I believe its elision was intentional). Thus, this detail made the writing more casual and more interesting, almost as if someone was texting this online.

In general, I thought it was interesting that the narrator and the person the narrator speaks to (henceforth "Anon A" for making this less clunky) uses terms like "viscerality" or "claw-curling" as if none of them are fully human, but rather, beastly. Although I lack the context and knowledge, this reminded me of the tale of the twin brothers formerly mentioned, as they were both raised by wolves. If I remember correctly, one of them had committed fratricide (the act of murdering one's sibling, usually a brother like Cain and Abel from Judeo-Christian belief). It almost seems like there is some dynamic between the two parties, almost tense.

The only criticism I would have were the things above, but they are subjective. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for reading this.

I like this poem, and sadly it seems I don't really have much criticism for it as much as I try. Poetry is one of the harder writing forms to critique though. Only thing I can really think of is the lack of capitalization, and honestly the lack of capitalization makes its message come across better to me. My take on it is that it's about how strange it is to be human when you really think about the nature of it, and if that's what you tried to portray you did an amazing job of it. It's one of the better poems I've read so far, and I look forward to seeing more of your work.