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5 Million Pieces

by dogsrule5


*This is a song I wrote for fun. I have never been hurt or dumped in my life. I am only 12 I haven't been there yet, but I was just board one day and wrote this song... So yeah...*


(Verse 1)

This is the tale I will tell you

Of the time he loved me, but then he dumped me

i thought he loved me

Until my heart turned into  

(Chorus)

5 Million pieces, 5 million pieces

That's how it felt when you

Hurt me badly, worse than any old skinned knee

(Verse 2)

It felt like I went sky diving, and then dying

Oh how it felt so bad.

Why dd you do this, 

It made my heart turn into...

(chorus)

5 million pieces, 5 million pieces

That's how it felt, 

When you hurt me badly, worse than any old skinned knee.

(Verse 3)

Oh it felt like I was dying, and then crying,

Till I was drinking, and then sinking, in a heart broken pool.

Where you were supposed to comfort me.

Until you turned my heart into...

(Chorus)

5 million pieces, 5 million pieces

That's how it felt 

When you hurt me, badly, worse than any old skinned knee,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 

5 million pieces, 5 million pieces,

Oh that's how it felt

When you hurt me badly, worse than any old skinned knee.

(Verse 4)

Oh it felt like you were there a minute and gone the next,

I fell down and you didn't catch me....

i was wishing you'd return, that's when I learned

You hated me, and you left me all alone.

And then my heart crashed,

And turned into

(chorus)

5 million pieces, 5 million pieces

That's how it felt,

When you hurt me badly, worse than any old skinned knee. 

Yeah, Oh, Yeah

5 million pieces, 5 million pieces,

That's how it felt,

When you hurt me, badly, worse than any old skinned knee.

*That's all. I hope you enjoyed*


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35 Reviews


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Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:41 pm
SilloriaD wrote a review...



Hello!

Okay, so what am I reading? I feel a definite lack of feeling and emotion attached to these lyrics. I really liked the fourth verse in every line except...
"You hated me, and you left me all alone."

It just seems really out of place for me. Try to replace it or change it a little. I'm not sure what rubs me wrong about it. But something isn't right.

By far, the third verse is my favorite. It was well written and it's probably the most emotion I got from this- though I'm disappointed to say, that isn't saying much.

Keep working on it. I think you've got something here.




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks



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Points: 475
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Sat Mar 21, 2015 1:52 pm
hanzelcalangan wrote a review...



Hello dogsrule5! It's actually kind of hard to review lyrics of a song without hearing it. That would come off as a challenge for you, then. How would you conjure the emotions of your lyrics without music? Use the power of your words. Choose the best way and the best word to really describe the emotion of a line. 5 million pieces seems really appropriate, though. It's not exactly an exaggeration, but it defines a broken heart really well. Great job and keep writing songs!

-hanzelcalangan




dogsrule5 says...


Okay, thanks. This song took a few weeks to write, so I guess I will have to get writing!!!:)



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Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:28 am
bellathebookworm wrote a review...



Hi dogsrule5! I have never reviewed lyrics before. The only problem, for me, is that I can't hear the rhythm or how high or low the sounds are. Anyway, here are my nitpicks:

"Oh how it felt so bad"

This doesn't seem to show a real depth of feeling. Choose a stronger word then bad, it will sound better.


"Any old skinned knee"

Same problem. Yes, skinned knews hurt, but not that much, and they're also not poetic. As this is mentioned so many times, I would definitely try to find a better substitute.

I am not sure how helpful that was, but that's all I can do with just words an no melody. Good luck editing!

-ClippedWings




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks, but it might be a while until I edit because I'm going to have to think of stronger substitute words that make sense. I will need a thesaurus. So I will have to go online. Also for me sometimes words that mean the same thing, but are different words don't make sense then what the original word that I or someone else used. For me I can't just use any word that means the same thing, I have to find the perfect word. If that makes any sense. *Just saying)


Thanks for the review... ;)



ClippedWings says...


No problem!



dogsrule5 says...


I like your avatar. It's really cool!



ClippedWings says...


Thanks!




I am deeply disturbed by your ability to meow.
— Carina