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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
My name is Ashley and I'm just messaging people who are online. I'm new to the site. I'm going to review as many works as I can. Meanwhile, I have also posted 2 poems and will continue to post more. Please indulge me in commenting and reviewing my work. If there is anything you would like me to review in particular, let me know!!!
I would love the opportunity to review your poem. I'm new to this site, but poetry has been in my life for many, many years.
I feel that you have brought a unique perspective and original creativity to this piece. But I fear that is has gotten lost among a few minor scrapes. But the appeal of the poem is still there--completely and wholly. I'm very impressed.
I would like to remind you that images in a poem always must be original and provide vivid detail by using original phrasing. The details are quite vivid in this poem in some lines, like the first line--which is crucial to suck a reader in--but then further into the first paragraph, I feel like the magic was buried a little. The last thing you want is for something with glitter to become conversational like you're telling a story about washing the dishes. Maybe some ideas could be separated out. I felt like it tended to run together a bit.
I like that for the most part your similes and metaphors avoided cliche comparisons. I was entertained until the end, so I know that this poem is original and has merit. Just clean up the little things. Look at playing around with punctuation and wording.
Good luck!!!!
Hi there, dikxita.
I am GeeLyria, and I will be reviewing for you today.
This poem is physically gorgeous, and I must congratulate you for that. Because the more attractive a piece is to the reader's eyes, the more probabilities there are that they will actually read it. Organization is essential in poetry, in my opinion. And you've done that right.
However, I want you to take a second look to your poem to repair a few issues. Remember we want your writing to be as professional as it can be, because that will help you a lot in this whole writing world.
Starting with the title. The word "It's" should wear an apostrophe, because it is composed of two words ("it" and "is"). Also, I have read that what is grammatically correct when it comes to the titles is to capitalize the first letter of each words, excluding the prepositions.
When it comes to the content of the poem, I don't complain; the piece kept me entertained until the end. However, the thing is that the poem lacks some apostrophes, and that could either confuse the reader or distract them, and we don't want that because when that happens, they can come to the conclusion that it wasn't that good. Which would be false.
Also, remember that all I's should be capitalized when you use them as a pronoun (I only spot one, though).
In the second stanza, I found a little error.
That red word should be "than" instead. Just a typical mistake. :]
I think this poem is good, but it needs to be improved, and I know you can do it! xD It's no hard work, just silly stuff. :]
~GeeLyria