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Nightmare the poem.

by demoncat


I look up to the sky with weary eyes

The sun blurs the world through tear filled crys.

I stumble and fall now I can't see at all. And I begin to crawl.

An search to find the way back to your side. I plop and flop. I strut and I cup at the sky. But I can't find the path back up. 

I wake up in a cold sweat.i check my phone and find I have nothing to fret.

You filled my phone with spam. Asking where in the world I am.

It turns out that I had nothing to fret. And there was no reason for me to have wept. I go to stand and I think to myself. Asking why my pants are wet.


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6 Reviews


Points: 25
Reviews: 6

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Tue Jun 11, 2019 2:51 pm
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Uni wrote a review...



Hey there! Uni here for a review.
How are you doing? Hope you are fine.
Sorry for not reviewing this earlier!

I'm so excited to be back and start reviewing your story! Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. Anyways, let's start! :D
Such a short poem but a deep emotions, I must say. I can relate to the poem very well. And I know most of us can relate to the words and feelings you have put in this literary work.
You can use commas at some places to make the poem more appealing. Like in the following sentence-
'I look up to the sky with weary eyes
The sun blurs the world through tear filled crys.'
The spelling of cries is incorrect. But that's fine. Typing error. I can understand. The same happens with me all the time.
I would prefer to use a hyphen between tear and filled.

'An search to find the way back to your side. I plop and flop. I strut and I cup at the sky. But I can't find the path back up.
I wake up in a cold sweat.i check my phone and find I have nothing to fret.'
You are a good poet with a unique imagination. I liked the way you described everything. Every bit of it. The actions are perfectly written.
Just the I in 'i check my phone and find I have nothing to fret.'
Change it to capital letter.
Also, instead of an search, it should be a search.

I want to also say that I found a strong rhyming pattern. I would suggest seperating each sentence by a sentence per line so that the flow is better and easier to read as a poem. Some sentences don't end in periods or commas so that could be fixed.
Like others, I too found this poem funny not until I came to the end.
Overall, I loved your poem and I hope you'll post more of these.
Have a good day.




demoncat says...


Thank you for your feedback and I will listen to your advice thank you! I appreciate it. And I'm glad you liked it.



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47 Reviews


Points: 21
Reviews: 47

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Sat Jun 08, 2019 1:14 am
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ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



I love how simple and short this poem is yet how emotional it is. I really like how you had a nice rhyming flow, it was like music to my eyes if that makes sense. I also like how this relates to everyone on how they want to be by someone's side they are close to but sometimes panic themselves when they realize that person isn't there by them. I do feel like this poem could be just a little bit longer to describe more details about the nightmare and really show those emotions of fear, uncertainty, and searching for something that's a loss. But other than that I loved this poem!




demoncat says...


Thank you. And I will put ur advice into practice in the future! I am so glad you liked it.



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Points: 9
Reviews: 67

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Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:37 am
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brookeallo wrote a review...



Hi. I am here today to review this piece of work to my best ability. I definently want to point out that the overall poem is very good. I'm nit gonna lie I took it very seriously up to the last sentence where I bursted into laughter. I want to also say that I found a strong rhyming pattern. I would suggest seperating each sentence by a sentence per line so that the flow is better and easier to read as a poem. Some sentences don't end in periods or commas so that could be fixed. Also in the second line at the ending is the word crys which is incorrectly spelled here becuase of the fact that a word such as this one should end with an ies when made plural so instead should be cries. The first line should end with a period. I would suggest adding a comma after fall in the third line and then the word and after the comma and before the word now. Next I would suggest removing the and infront of the words, "I begin to crawl," and insert the word then in its place. Also the word an in the begining of the 4th line doesn't correctly go there as the word after it doesn't start with a vowel so I would suggest putting another word in its place. Also in the fourth line you use the words, "I strut and I cup at the sky." I'm very confused at that line and how you can cup or strut at the sky? It kind of makes no since. Also the next sentence, "But I can't find the way back up doesn't make that much since either. In the fifth line make sure to capatilize the I at the begining of the second sentence and leave a space between it and the period. In the last line you reuse the sentence, "It turns out I had nothing to fret." This sentence sounds repeated from the fifth line of the poem and makes the flow off. Also I wouldn't start a sentence with the word, "and,' such as is done in the second sentence of the last stanza of the poem. Other than that the poem was good in meaning overall and I loved the bit of humor at the end. Thanks for writing.




demoncat says...


Thank you I will make the corrections. I'm glad you liked it. And that you thought it was funny.



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556 Reviews


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Reviews: 556

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Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:27 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So out of the whole poem I only saw one very small mistake, that is one that is made by every writer.

I wake up in a cold sweat.i check my phone and find I have nothing to fret.

Okay so I am quit sure if the read the line you will be able to see what you have done, if not then I will tell you anyway. So If you look at the words in bold you will see that there is no space between the full stop in front of sweat, and the I. So all you need to do is put a space between them.

Other than that small mistake this was a very funny poem, and it told a really good story at the same time. And here and there I could pick up on small emotions. And all these small things just pulls the poem together, making it such a good read.
I also like were you put your punctuation. To me it just helped with the flow, and made things seem a little slower.

I really loved reading and reviewing this poem and I do hope you will write more soon. I will have to keep an eye out for another one of your works. I hope you will post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




demoncat says...


Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I will make the corrections. And I am so glad you liked it. Your review just made me really happy to read. So thank you. Lol I sound like I'm reviewing your review.





Lol that's fine, I'm glad my review made you happy, if i am rude in anyway I would love it if you told me, because I don't want to come across as mean.



demoncat says...


No not at all your review was really helpful.





Okay great!



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158 Reviews


Points: 6672
Reviews: 158

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Sat Jun 01, 2019 2:55 am
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LadyVendetta says...



Hey! This is really good. I would suggest that you go through and fix the grammar mistakes but I think other than that it's amazing!




demoncat says...


Thank you




A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief