Yesterday,
while crying to David Bowie, space oddity is a beautiful song
a close friend of mine
told me not to mix things that disgust me
with what I love.
"What do you mean?"
I ask.
They responded with a smirk.
"Grab a thing you hate,
grab a thing you love,
put it together,
and see whether
it ruins what you love
or benefits what you hate."
--------------
It's been one hour
since I consumed
dead dog pizza.
Fifty five minutes
since I first put my head
in the toilet.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
This is hilarious.
This poem made me laugh very hard. I'm happy that there is something like this that I can turn to on this site to bring joy to my heart. This is humor at it's finest. But I have a question, did you seriously have a friend who told you to mix what you love with what you hate, or do you just make this stuff up? It would be one hundred times better if this was partially true. Imagining this happening in my head was very amusing, and the imagery was good. Awesome work, I hope to see more from you in the future.
- SinisterPotatoe -
I absolutely love this poem! I cannot find anything that I would change. I think it's raw and honest - just what a good poem needs to be. It's rare to find something that good.
Keep up the good work!
Well I really liked the first part but the last stanza sort of ruined it for me. I understand it's supposed to be satire but I feel it was better without that.
this is actually really powerful and true. Mixing things you love and hate can go one of two ways and you portrayed that well. But dog pizza and putting your head in the toilet just doesn't seem to fit into the rest of the poem. Maybe that's what you were going for, I don't know. Anyway, it's a great poem that perhaps needs some work. Keep writing!You realize that the last stanza is the punchline, right? I'm mixing something I love, pizza, with something I hate, dead dogs. So yeah, if it doesn't fit then it would turn into sappy "it gets better" poetry.
Thanks.
You realize that the last stanza is the punchline, right? I'm mixing something I love, pizza, with something I hate, dead dogs. So yeah, if it doesn't fit then it would turn into sappy "it gets better" poetry.
Thanks.
Why didn't I believe you? God, I really didn't think you would.
Not bad, though. Not bad.
Incredible.
And Space Oddity is most definitely a beautiful song.Hello Stranger,
It's MergSword here on this boring and rainy day, and due to having nothing to do I thought, eh, why not give you a review.
O.O these satire poems. I think I'm felling this new feeling, but what, what is it called, oh right......envy......
Meh, let's get on with the review. I think the poem was extremely hilarious, and it made my day, as, due to the RAIN, it was a very boring one. The poem had a great, uh, story? Whatever you'd call it-theme.
Fifty minutes since you consumed dead dog pizza. That's a disturbing image that will now be burned into my head.
I think you could add a few more commas here and there. Also you have to add ending quotation marks at the end.
Anyway, good poem is good poem.
~MergSword