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138,476 Literary Works • 672,141 Reviews
Hello! I am here to review!
This really got me intrigued. You are definitely very good at writing humor. I honestly really like this non-perfect version of the Disney princesses.
I also have to agree with a lot of people that my favorite part in this was:
"He chuckled. “Barbie isn’t real. Don’t be ridiculous, Princess Jasmine.”
I think that you should've added Elsa into this and about like, how Anna is jealous that Elsa has powers and Elsa is jealous that while her sister is married all she has is an annoying talking snowman.
That's all!
-Foxmaster
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
This is so funny! I love it so much!
Thank you! I'm really happy you enjoyed it.
I love this so much! xD
Aw, thank you! <3
Timmy here for a review!!
Agghhh! I submitted this review a little while ago, but it just vanished on me. Doesn't matter. I can do it over!
This is an amazingly funny story, Lucrez. You portray the Princesses in a Non-Disney way, yet still in the Disney way, if you follow me. They aren't the perfect, singsong girls that the movies make them out to be. All laughter and joy. They have faults and that is one reason why I love this story...
I honestly couldn't find any nitpicks... While you didn't describe each girl like one normally would do in a short story, I found it unnecessary. I mean, come on! Haven't we all seen these girls over and over and over throughout our childhood? I admit that even I sneak little parts of these fairy tale movies occasionally as my little sisters watch them.
Now I did notice that Rapunzel was different than the rest, mainly because unlike the rest, she was a hybrid. Sort of like a mixture between the Disnified version of Rapunzel(Tangled is so awesome! And the music. Ahhhhh) and the old fairy tale, which the thorns and everything else. No doubt you did that intentionally, though. It was neat how you mixed the two together!
My favorite part would have to be...
So I will stop raving now. This was an amazing story on the princesses, and it was quite the clever twist, as well!! I will go annoy someone else now... I think I have pestered you with reviews for long enough!
Give my sentiments and my condolences to your team, my friend. Because, try hard as you might, you shall never beat us! We are too MAGESTIC!
~Timmyjake
Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^
This is so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like how you made it see, like they all had issues!!!! I love how Cindy thought Auroua was cheating with her husband, TOO FUNNY!!! And i like how you had them mention the original story lines, which would have been interesting if they included them in the movies. I love Jasmine! And I think she doesn't get enough attention!!!!!! She was the original sassy princess!!!!!!!!!!! She stood up to her father and Jafar!! My fav is Rapunzel and Eugene though
!!!! YAY!! You mentioned Anna and Kristoff!!! 
D
Please watch how many punctuation marks you use in the future. Only one exclamation mark is necessary. Putting an excessive amount of them is considered review spam.
Heehee, thank you! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^
Messenger here for you! Lucrezia I believe this is one of your first works that I have ever reviewed, and I have to say that this was a good one! I saw it in the YWS Draft and clicked on it because it sounded quite interesting. And it was!
So, I didn't see any spelling or grammar or punctuation mistakes (I think most of that is because I was so pulled into the story!!!) so I will just make my way to the content.
As much as I like this story, and as much as I think you describe the looks of the princes princesses correctly, I felt like according to the movies and books you mad them oh so different. There is no niceness to any of them really, and I feel like the princes are basically useless in this story.
Now! I did like a few things in this story specifically. One thing I noticed was your mention of Ariel and here original ending. When I found that out a few months back I was quite surprised at how "Disneyfied" the story was! And I do like the problems you present. Rapunzel's hair length, Snow White's apple temptation, and all the other little quips you had.
I understand that this was supposed to be kind of a twist on the whole Disney thing ,but I feel like maybe you overdid it. Oh! The length would usually have bothered me. I tend not to read longer pieces of work, but even though this once seemed a little longer ( I don't know why because it really isn't) I was intrigued the whole time.
Keep it up!
Thanks!
I might do something more with them eventually, and if so I'd definitely work on that.
Yeah, I wanted to do more in the way of character development (basically making the princesses/princes less one-dimensional), but my writing club had a word and page limit so I didn't get the chance.
Hey, thehotinpsychotic here to review!
I was initially pulled in because the idea was so creative. And Cinderella being called "Cindy" was just too cute. Did you have to do research on this? Or do you just know a lot about Disney movies?
So I can't really find anything wrong with this, good job!
Thank you!
To answer your question, I've only seen about two or three of the movies mentioned in this (I passionately hated princesses when I was little), so I was slightly more familiar with the stories they're based on than the movies (my mom read me the original Little Mermaid where Ariel turns into sea foam and traumatized me for life when I was five, lol). Most of what I knew came from what my friends have told me. The rest I found on a quick Wikipedia search for fairy tales. XD So, to answer your question in the longest way possible, yes I did do research.
Hey there! This was SUCH a fun story to read, and I'm so happy I clicked on it (anything that has princesses in it has got my review!). I really like the idea of there being a support group for the princes and princesses of Disney, because a lot of times their relationships definitely would have had issues. Now, onto constructive criticism:
I feel like, though you addressed various issues that each of the characters had, all of the characters sounded the same. The way the characters acted didn't seem to vary at all; they all seemed super angry about everything, which seems a little bit unrealistic. Wouldn't some people be depressed and dejected (maybe Cinderella and Rapunzel), while others would be fiery (namely Jasmine)? I think the story would improve greatly if you focused more on personalities. I'd also love to see more friendships between some of the characters, instead of seeing all of them bicker constantly.
Also, it felt a little bit rushed? I'd love if you turned this into a longer piece, so we really had time to invest in all of the princess's troubles and all.
Either way, I think that this was a great piece! I'd love if you would continue it. Thanks so much for writing!
Thanks for the review!
As I said in the authors note, this was for a writing club, so I had to stay within a certain number of words and pages. If I had been more free to play around with it, I would have delved into the characters more.
Anyway, thanks again.
Hi, Lucrezia! Seriously saying, I really loved your story. The endless fighting between each person was nice. Dr. Anderson's frustration was very well displayed. I liked how you described exactly how each member was feeling at the moment. My few favourite lines were:
“Ladies, you’re acting like uncultured buffoons,” Cinderella said. “We are princesses. We have fans as young as three!”
"Rapunzel’s prince shot him a glare. “Look, it was fine when I first met her and she was this sweet, troubled girl. But now that she’s a princess, it seems just a little unnecessary.”
I really liked this story and hope you would continue this- I really want to know what happens next. if you do, inform me please.
- Anshira
Thank you! I might do something more with them in the future.
My pleasure.
I have a single word that can be used to describe this: Amazing. I haven't seen Tangled yet so I don't know a lot about Rapunzel- and I don't know anything about her actually. I feel like the dialogue that the Princesses and princes exchange is proper and holds the high standard that they are all expected to have. The story is well written, and I loved it. I am just going to give you some of my favorite parts now.
Heehee thank you! Luckily, Rapnuzel in this is nothing like the Tangled Rapunzel, so it's actually probably better that you didn't see the movie.
Why, hello Lucrezia! Strange here, and I still have yet to review one of your works. I waited until deep review day to review this. I have so much praise to give this.
Let me start off with the characters. The way you portrayed each character is awesome. The bickering between each character is mind blowing. The dialogue is so fluent I can't even explain. I can see a Disney short film made out of this. Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty's fight is priceless, and Rapunzel's ego is off the charts. I can't believe no one ever thought of this before. I'm seriously clapping right now. Glad to have a leader like you!
Overall, SPECTACULAR
Strange gives you..
9.6/10
Great job
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, teammate
Aw, thank you so much! It means a lot. ^_^
Stay groovy to you, too. XD Happy Review Day!
*Sleeping not seeping XD
Oh. My. Word.
CRACKFIC!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I READ A CRACKFIC?!?!?!
Thank you *bows down and kisses feet*. Thank you.
I can't breathe.
Am I crying?
The only problem that I noticed was that your Rapunzel was not Disney's Rapunzel. She was more of a twisted version of Disney and the original.
In the Disney version, her hair has magical healing powers and that is why Mother Gothel kidnapped her. She runs away at days before her eighteenth birthday with a fugitive who his in her tower to see the floating lanterns that appear every year on her birthday.
After a few adventures Gothel kidnaps her again and stabs Eugene (the fugitive) when he attempts to help her escape. Knowing that if Rapunzel goes with the witch, she will be used for the rest of her life to keep Gothel young and beautiful, Eugene uses his last bit of strength to cut all of her hair of. (When cut, it turns brown and loses it's power) He dies, and they discover that the healing powers extend to tears when she cries on him, he wakes up, and they kiss.
Other than that, you were very accurate. I can totally see all of those girls going in for counseling. I mean, come on, no one is that perfect.
I'm going to go crawl in a corner and die of laughter. Rapunzel may or may not heal me later.
Heehee thank you! Your review made me giggle. XD
Yeah, I love Tangled (probably a bit too much lol), but I decided to go for a Rapunzel somewhere in between the Disney Rapunzel and the Story Rapunzel. Leaning more toward Story Rapunzel, but with a helping of brattiness, of course. XD
Gotcha. For a second there I was worried that you were very uneducated.
Hey Lucrezia!
I guess I should start off with a belated welcome to YWS! Should probably have done that before you became review Queen, or should I say Princess, of this place. Better late then never though, right?
Alright, time for some counseling. In this case with a whole roster of Disney characters.
To be honest, when I begun reading this I didn't think of it as a humor piece and I didn't expect so many characters. Really didn't get into in before towards the end. Once I did though, I really liked it.
I'll write as I go along:
Edit
Unnecessary hyphen.
I assume this is Hans Christian Andersen. It's really clever to use him.
To me, it doesn't seem like any of these characters would choose group counseling over couple counseling, as all their problems stem from their respective partners. Save for Cinderella and Aurora, though we're not sure exactly what went down between them. They didn't even get a resolution here as they disappeared in a void of characters.
If he was there during their 'epic battle of words, wouldn't he already know the problem? I know the reader needs an introduction to it, but I'd just change this one line.
As I read this I began wondering what kind of world this is where all the Disney princesses share the same universe. But again, towards the end of the short I realized the comedy in it.
Initially I though you were just going to use the characters of Charles Perrault, as both Cinderalla and Sleeping Beauty are his characters, and you would use Andersen as an intermediate. But I guess it was just random that you opened with these characters. The overall idea is still cute though.
Mesmerizingly blue eyes, porcelain hands. Too much poetic descriptions.
Edit
Suggestion
That's really funny!
Belle actually only has one line in the story, right? It starts with just a few characters and expands into so many. Maybe incorporate an introduction to which characters are in the room? It gets a bit confusing.
Here's a bit where not knowing any background on this universe kind of backfires. What does Rapunzel have against Ariel? Contrived just to change the POW.
You know, despite loving Disney (like the rest of the planet), I've never seen either The Little Mermaid of Beauty and the Beast. Reading up on this, the original endings sounds much darker. Interesting.
Edit
I know that in the original fairy tale the prince doesn't have a name. But this is obviously based on the movie, so why not mention his name as Flynn? In fact, this would have been a good spot for a joke about the original not having a name.
Well, despite the census of the film adaption, Pocahontas is probably the most important of the bunch.
Come on, poor guy just stole some bread. Give him a break.
This whole paragraph is hilarious!
This is probably the line that made me love this piece. Such twisted, weird humor.
Love it.
Ah, well Andersen has to pimp out his newest stars, right?
Alright, this was a very funny short story. It didn't sit with me immidiately, but it grows on you.
As for your writing itself, it's fantastic. Writing this now, I realize that you're only fourteen years old. It makes it even more impressive.
You have a great vocabulary, I found little to no grammatical errors and you have a lot of creativity. The lenght of the work is perfect for this idea as well. Not too short, not too long. If I only wrote as you do at your age, I would be much further along in my own writing.
Keep it up!
Cheers
Birkhoff
Thank you! This was very helpful. Happy Review Day!!
Fantastic
Heehee thank you! ^_^
This was wonderful. The only bad thing I really have to say is that in the beginning of this piece, you have to many paragraphs. I suggest connect some of these lines together to form larger paragraphs. I loved the idea of this and I thought it was very original. You completely captured how snotty and snooty I imagine Disney Princesses to be when most of them (after) they become princesses.
Thanks for writing this piece, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
-Gravity
Thank you! And I see what you mean about the paragraphs.
Totes. Lulu, you rock
What a joy! It's been a while since I read a humorous piece on fairy tales. (Not since a real-life friend wrote some smart-mouthed essay on them) That last line of Dr. Andersen's was a real sweet one: Awesome!
So, I didn't notice all that much in the way of grammar except maybe a few spots with unneeded end marks or comas... Not a huge deal.
I think that in the dialogue, which is clearly the main thing with this piece, you could start with something other than the speech. Start with an action; you don't have to use commas to go from words to who said them, or vice-versa. Like so:
"It's because you're not of any royal blood." Jasmine shook her head disdainfully and continued. "You just married into it."
Other than that, awesome job! I enjoyed this, and the sarcasm was just perfect, not to mention your wonderful way of poking fun at princesses.
Keep writing!
Thank you! ^_^
Excuse me, did you just say apologies in advance?
Advice of the day: never underestimate yourself.
Grammar and spelling were spot-on. Your writing style also suits the theme--kind of lighthearted and serious all at the same time, which is difficult to pull off. And you maintained a solid balance between dialogue and narrative writing.
What I'm most impressed with, though, is your restraint from shattering us with details. Not to mention your creativity. It definitely shone through this!
I love how you portrayed the princesses as snobby, and the princes as desperate to tame them down. I could definitely see this happening. Cinderella, Aurora, Rapunzel, and Jasmine dominating a therapy session. Delicious.
However, I caught some awkward phrasing. Not that it really hooked my attention, but it breaks up the flow. For instance:
Think about what you can cut out without affecting the overall meaning: "The other, more self-controlled princesses, waited uncomfortably for Dr. Anderson to mediate the scene."
Thanks for submitting this. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Aw, thanks! I was a bit worried because I rarely write something like this. It's good to know most of it came out okay.
I see what you mean about that paragraph. I'll try to tweak it a bit when I go back to edit.
No problem!
Wow. This was great. You really know your facts.
Also, I loved how the doctor was Hans Anderson. That was a stroke of brilliance.
Heehee, thank you!
Yeah, I couldn't resist slipping the Hans Andersen name in. XD