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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hi Mialynire,
I just went through your story and i found it beautifully written.The title of your story is catchy.
You have kept it short and simple.
However, I felt that maybe a guilty father must have a reason for not accepting her.
In short, I want to say you that
I LOVED READING "A GUILTY FATHER"
keep on writing and sharing....
Thank you for your review
Hi! How have you been?
I haven't been reviewing at all and this is my first review since forever, so bare with me as I shake off my rustiness.
I like drama and I like monologues. And this piece is a monologue of a guilty father, best! But to my dismay this is short (duh!) too short for me to grasp and munch on. But I can see the purpose of the shortness of this piece. This father is not trying to get back to the daughter just yet. He's just reminiscing. He hasn't decided yet. He's thinking whether he will be forgiven without really asking for forgiveness which in fact speaks volume about his character. The shortness amplifies the state he is in. It's like he sat near the window looking up at the sky with a scotch and suddenly remembered the people he deserted. Like a soldier remembering the men he killed in the war. There's nothing really he can do about it but only be reminded of it in late cold nights like this. I'm pretty sure that if you were to write an epilogue it would probably have him get up from his chair and go to the bed and have no memory of it the next morning.
As JosephGeorge has mentioned in their review, few words do seem out of place. I'm not sure what format you had in your mind when you began writing this but I, as I read it now, thought it to be an psychaitrist doctor-patient monolgue and the word, "Argh" fuelled my idea. But the word "alas" destroyed it, because it is very unlikely of a person to use "alas" unless or until he's trying to be funny which in this place is inappropriate. So I suggest you to take care of that. Otherwise, good job!
Keep writing!
Cheers!
Hey! I've been alright, I hope so have you. :]
Thanks for the review. And, honestly I didn't have any specific format in mind while I sat to write this D: (I know, I need so much improvement..) erm but, yeah, thank you for getting the meaning of it (That he isn't ready yet and everything.)
Good day, soldier!
Hey Mialynire,
First Impressions: What a sad little thing I just read. I sure hope my life doesn't end up this way.
Positives: If you were going for something that makes you plan to be a better dad, then that's what you have achieved. I thought about it a couple of times.
Here, where you mentioned the plane ride thing, it adds a strong element of realist nature to this piece, because that's not necessarily the first thing that your reader is going to think about, thus making the narrator human enough to have tangents running in the mind.
Negatives:
Your use of the word "alas" seems really out of place here, as it's not really the same generation of language that you've been tagging on before. Just a little inconsistent is all.
I was also a little disappointed in the fact that, while you talk about enough terrible things that this man has done, you never really resolve it in the end. There's no real build up to any certain point, and in the last line we're left to just sit there, scratching our heads, and think, "Now why did I just read that?" Or better question, what was I supposed to get out of it. There should always be some sort of concluding remark that lets the reader know if the succeeded in interpreting your work correctly.
Overall: It's in need of a little janitorial work, but still in good order and has potential. Keep it up!
I give it:
Thanks for the review, Joseph! :]
Hello! I'm here with a review for your work.
So, the first thing I want to say is about the title. You didn't overthink it, which is a good sign. It caught my eye and I wanted to read it immediately. Keeping it rather simple was a good choice in this case.
Secondly, I want to say that, while I do love your writing style, I think the first few sentences are a little awkward. Choppy, I suppose, would be a good way to describe them. I only continued because I knew you's pull through with a stronger core to the story- and, low and behold, you did.
I did, however, like the callbacks to the cold winter night over and over, showing how alone he is and how sad he continues to be with his own choices. Sometimes, pieces try to shove the self-hatred shown here down the reader's throat, which tends to make the reader close the tab and find another story- you, however, dispersed it among enough elements of his environment that it flowed nicely.
This was a very interesting work, and I hope I've been able to help a little bit. Keep writing! You've certainly got more than a knack for it.
~SilloriaD
Thank you, Silloria! I have written this after a long time (Shorts, I mean) and I AM quite paranoid right now! ;-; But, thank you for taking your time to review it and for the kind words and suggestions! :]