Planting Hope

by deleted17

Published October 18, 2013

In The Forgotten Daughters

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They'd walked a long way. Too long, some of them thought, but they were doing it for David. David, who'd lost his best friend in the search for the Old Man. The friend that had sacrificed herself so that they could keep on going.

For days, David was inconsolable, not eating or sleeping. Not talking, not walking. Finally. he fell asleep one day. When he woke up, he'd walked on like nothing had happened. But everybody knew that he thought about her in is every waking moment, hoping that she'd catch up and walk along side with him again.

When they had found the Old Man, he'd told them that they had came without a sacrifice. It was David who'd shouted at the Old Man that he'd lost his friend, and explained how long he'd known her and what they'd done.

After listening to David's story, the Old Man went away and came back with an old cigar box. He gave it to David and gave them their instructions.

"Only he must carry it."

They'd nodded at that. It'd seemed reasonable.

"You must walk two hundred miles north of here. When you have walked two hundred miles, you will see to twisted willow trees."

Some of them had begun to think that this man was crazy, that he was just a myth after all.

"In between those two trees, you must dig a whole three feet deep and one foot wide exactly. Exactly."

He then went away in the wind, and crumbled to dust. They'd gasped at what they'd just seen and wanted to see if he was still alive somewhere, but David held the box in his hands and walked away.

They followed him to where the two willow trees where, after five days of walking with little food or water. David had said nothing the whole way.

They'd done what the Old Man had instructed. They dug the hole and waited for David. The turned around and saw him staring at what the box held.

It was white, but it glowed. It seemed to be made out of glass, but wobbled like it was made out of jelly. David planted it and covered, and fled the scene the others followed him, not knowing why he was running, then they all heard a sonic boom and turned around, gaping at the sight before them.

Where the two willow trees had a plume of clouds coming out of it, and it didn't stop until it reached the clouds. When it did reach the clouds, it broke the stormy and sun came out, when it had not for a dozen years.

And then it rained.

Comments & reviews · 2
Evilzombiekitten wrote a review Review · Oct 21, 2013

I liked this story and its plot , however i just think that it could include some more description for example, "They'd walked a long way. Too long, some of them thought, but they were doing it for David. " Could be They'd walked a long struggling way. Too long, some of them though, but not to long for David, for they cared for David.

I liked your language used, and the short effect sentences especially the end where it had been bad storms and it was sunny and "then it rained" was a good short effective short sentence.

One last thing is that at the end paragraph you said "it broke the stormy and sun came out" , I think you might wanna put "it broke the storm and the sun came out" adding description.

But overall it was a good plot and if it had more description i would defiantly read it again.

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deleted5
Review
deleted5 wrote a review Review · Oct 19, 2013

I found this to be a very nice small gem, I don't totally understand this, but I think this story is supposed to metaphorical in a way. I like David's hypnotic like state as he just walks, it adds a very eerie sense to the story. I also liked the very varied vocabulary used here; makes the story flow with a very colourful picture.
Only thing to improve in my opinion is to maybe bulk up the paragraphs a bit while still keeping the flow and feeling going.
Overall... Very nice!
Looking forward to your next work :D



I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson