Published May 28, 2010
There’s a buring pain inside me,
a sense that a love has gone,
why did you have to go?
for you have done no wrong.
I can’t go on like this
I need you by my side
to teach me like you taught my father
to be someone i can confide
ohh. your time is not up yet
there is still work to do
wherever you are whatever you see
we all need you down here
down on earth
i need you with me.
Oh how i long to hear
your voice just one more time,
oh how i wish
i had a chance to say goodbye
if only i had known what was coming
if only something could have been done
if only i had been there
the battle could have been won
ohh. your time is not up yet
there is still work to do
wherever you are whatever you see
we all need you down here
down on earth
i need you with me.
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,169 Reviews
Hello there!
I like this lyric. If I'm correct, you're dedicating this to a mother, right? It's good how you keep on telling that you really like to be with your mother , but then it was her time to go. Things that I want to correct on is mostly your capitalization to "I". Please don't forget, it's the right and proper way to capitalize it. Also, I don't have a thing to the reason why you titled this 'Needs and Wants', it's because I only see lines that complements 'needs' to a mother only, no wants. Anyways, aside form those things, this is really good.
Keep writing!
Peace out!
_yuri_
Hey defend!
One thing I noticed with this was the lack of chorus... and obviously I'm looking at this without knowing the music or how it would be played or anything, but it might be nice to have a sort of repetition, just because that might bring the loneliness up front and make it all smack in your face! If that makes sense.
Also:
"There’s a buring pain inside me,"
Buring? Possibly a typo?