Young Writers Society

Hello there defect. ( :
So, I honestly never review poetry, but I thought I'd give this a shot. I've seen it lingering in the Green Room for quite a while now. XD

The idea of this is bittersweet and I related to it in an odd way but a few things here troubled me. To begin with, I don't like how you started this poem with "And." That gave the impression there was more to this story, and this was just an ending segment you decided to share with us.

I really liked your second stanza, but I felt like the ending didn't relate to what you were trying to say. To... Forget about my dreams? Usually, whenever I hear someone talking about their dreams, they refer to it in a positive light. It's what they want to accomplish and do, their dreams. That's why that didn't quite add up right in my head. Why would she want to forget?

Your last stanza really puzzled me, due what the preceding one said. I never had a chance to tell you that you're mine suddenly skips to I know one day I'll be your wife. Did I miss something? Because why in the world is she mourning the fact he's basically gone and she should have told him, when she knows everything's going to end up how she wanted it to end up?

Concerning the whole rhyme scheme... I'm baffled. You start with a,b,c,b; the next two move along without the alphabet and then you end with a,b,a,c. Soo... what exactly are you trying to do here? I know your words in bold must contain some significance to you, but I don't see why you stress them so much. Some of the words you chose to highlight, I thought were completely random.

And ah, my review does appear to be longer than your poem itself. Guess I had more to say than I thought. I hope you found this review somewhat helpful and if my criticism was attacking you too strongly, I sincerely apologize. It's late over here, okay. XD Have a blessed day, and keep up your writing!
cheers!
-TheKid

Hey Im Menu....I'd like to write some short review for your work...You see this poem is very relatable for me too so i might get personal with this (wink).
Anyways as a literary piece of work too your poem is amazing specially your from and break of stanzas. And your choice of words is also lyrical which makes the flow of the poem much singable.
Also your rhetorics show the difficulties one faces in such a situation and rather than saying it directly, i think its always best to ask what others think of it.

So all in all this is a good creation! Keep up!
Thank you.

I enjoyed your poem! But I think it was missing some thing... I don't know what though. It is definitely romantic but there is a dark twist to it. I love those twists!! I think that they complete a story and keep a reader on their toes. Next time you might want to try different vocabulary. Not only will the change of vocab make you sound smarter, but also your growth will be shown. also, the last line of your poem in sorta outta place.

Dang. When you used the metaphor "It killed my soul" I knew you were talking about the sadness and despair when he left you. However, that last stanza didn't match the rest of the poem. other than that I absolutely loved it.

This poem is amazing keep you the good work!

This poem is amazing keep you the good work!