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Young Writers Society

Personification of spring

by dbcooper92

This poem is dedicated to one of my close friend (avni).

The one who takes after cold ,

Like mountains with melting gold.

The one who gives over to heat ,

Is finally awake from her sleep . 

You were sleeping under an oak ,

When suddenly you awoke.

The wind danced around,

With little buds pushing the ground.

You have only just woken up,

But the air smells of buttercups.

You were stroking a possum ,

While young leaves and flowers blossomed.

You have lovely rosy cheeks,

With golden curls undone.

One would suppose you are meek,

But when provoked you are second to none.

While you are up and about ,

The flowers go plumper, 

And little plants get stout, 

Until you get into a slumber.

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1155 Reviews

Points: 132375
Reviews: 1155

Sun Jan 29, 2023 3:21 am
lliyah wrote a review...

Hi there! I found this poem to be an extremely interesting personification of Spring in that it seemed to describe a young woman and at the same time describe the changing seasons in some interesting ways.

I noticed you have a bit of an odd convention with your punctuation - in standard punctuation usually there's not a space between the last letter and the punctuation mark (for example: when I leave a comma, no space. when I leave a period. no space.) I noticed in several lines you have floating commas and periods and I found this a tad distracting.

In your poem most of the imagery I found very easy to follow - and especially enjoyed the descriptions of the flowers next to the descriptions of the person's golden curls which sort of echoed the metaphor together. I didn't quite understand a couple lines at the beginning: "The one who takes after cold ,

Like mountains with melting gold."

^ I am really struggling to understand what is meant here. Is the person cold like a mountain and what does that have to do with melting gold? I'm not quite sure how these two halves relate.

The next metaphor was also a little difficult to discern: "The one who gives over to heat / is finally awake from her sleep" but I assumed that meant that the temperatures are changing and she is quick to warm and now is awake. The "she" being either a person or the season of spring.

In the final lines I really actually liked the line "the flowers go plumper" because it was very unexpected as a description of spring, but sounded sort of cute with that word choice to me. I do think conventionally it would be phrased "more plump" instead of "go plumper" but honestly I'd keep it how it is I think because it made the sentence more cute and then also made it rhyme with slumber.

Overall I thought it was an interesting poem, and you had some really nice imagery in there too - take a second look at that opening part there might be some portions to refine, but a really nice read! Keep on writing and posting! :)

~ alliyah

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13 Reviews

Points: 229
Reviews: 13

Wed Jan 25, 2023 4:00 pm
yamatri wrote a review...

hello mate , I am here for the review

first the poem was very sweet read , it kind of reminded me of the poem I have read in school ,
the rhymes were neat and well used , you have described spring very well , i don't have much i can say , you have written very well , just that you have used rhymes a little too much and too close its not a bad thing at all , you have used aa bb cc rhymes and abab rhyme in the end , you can mix and match a little bit more in rhyme sense like trying half rhyme and incomplete rhyme

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19 Reviews

Points: 405
Reviews: 19

Sun Jan 22, 2023 6:00 pm
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...

Howdy hey! I’m here to write a review.
This poem was very pleasant to read. I don’t really read a lot of poems on here because a lot of them are very depressing, but this one was really cute and happy. Like the other reviewer said, I think the metaphors are what really make this piece. Also, bonus points because she stroked a possum.
I actually don’t have any criticism for this one. Nice work!


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12 Reviews

Points: 787
Reviews: 12

Sat Jan 21, 2023 6:29 pm
Thediffident wrote a review...

This piece was a mesmerizing read! The metaphors that you used during this poem contributed a lot to making this piece come alive. It gave new insights and it's so thrilling to read every new metaphors that you came up with.
The overall concept of the personification of spring was beautifully expressed and well written. Kudos to you!
Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this review or would like another one.
Love, Andy.

[while trapped in a bucket of popcorn] You know what the worst part is? It's not even butter. We're gonna be destroyed by... ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!
— Blake Bradley, Power Rangers Ninja Storm