Published March 15, 2010
You left me four months ago
I was broken and you shattered me
You told me you loved me so,
Here you are in my memory
What do you want? Why dont you go?
You sit there and smirk in my minds eye
Why cant i let you go
Why wont the history we have die?
I'm sick of your voice resounding
It beats my brain like a drum
Your face is always smiling
And your always kissing him
My heart explodes, because hes my friend
you are happy together and i dont matter to you
I told you to go and that I was done it was the the end
I dont want you,
You were such a huge part of my beating heart
You held me your hands, you clenched your fist
The blood dripped from your fingers
Like when the frozen blade would cut your wrist,
The sliver drips in crimson sin
and white lines indelible
Scars now visible, once hidden
drawn to the surface by your addiction
He will hold you when you have cried
He will have kissed you when you wished
He will hold your bleeding hand, i tried
Drown in the blood you bitch.
I'm really angry today
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141,462 Literary Works • 674,479 Reviews
oh-oh... hahaha! it's so nice! You let your anger overcome in this poem! There's just this one thing that annoyed me... (don't worry...
not literally) is how you rarely put your apostrophe on this poem when it needed one... well, that's all...
Hi there. I'm not sure that I liked this too much. The subject as matter, as 'terrible' as it may seem, is actually quite annoying poetry cliche. Everyone's heard the story before, and furthermore, you don't really do anything to make the reader sympathize you with you.
Secondly, this poem is quite graphic. You swear in it, and have pretty disturbing scenes, so it should probably be given a rating of 18+, if not 16+ at the most. Oh, and speaking of the swearing, I'm not too fond of it. They're vial words, and they don't make your poem look better by putting them in, you just look like you're trying to be cool. I swear in my daily life, but in my writing? No.
Finally, you have a few minor errors in spelling and punctuation. "Dont" should have an apostrophe after the 'n', because it is not one word. It is two, a contraction of 'do' and 'not'. You're just taking away the 'o' in 'not', so you should make not of that by adding an apostrophe. Secondly, please capitalize your I's.
Best of luck in your writing,
-Elinor
Hello.
Hmmmmmmmm,, i love it!! You expressed your emotions to the ended relationship and the new one beginning with your friend, very well. Don't you hate that shit??? When your "friend" starts dating your ex- or something?? Gosh, I do!!
Anyways, this was cool. I loved the ending part, not because it ended, but because it was so explicit!!